Screenplay....

.... so I'm kicking back last night enjoying a few episodes of 'Band of Brothers', when The Missus decides to tell me a little bit about the book she is reading - 'Forrest Gump'.....

... now, I've watched the movie every time that I run across it on the tube, and I must say that I truly enjoy it.... it really is one of those movies that you can watch over and over, and still laugh at the stupid parts every single time..... so, as you may have guessed, I was quite interested in hearing about her experience in reading THE BOOK versus what I knew about THE FILM..... and in a word?.... WOW.....

..... I think that my eyes glazed over somewhere between the cannibals catching him, him learning to speak orangutan, horny male orangutans in space trying to fondle female astronauts, Forrest convincing the cannibal chieftain not to barbecue him, the orangutan, or the girl due to his having amazing skills at the game of chess (and, of course, the cannibal chieftain was a HUGE chess fan), and Forrest dressed as 'The Monster from the Black Lagoon' carrying a scantily clad Raquel Welch down Sunset Strip whilst talking orangutanese to the orangutan.....

.... and no, I am not making any of that up..... at.all....

..... how screenwriters could take that novel and turn it into the movie that we all know and love, well, quite frankly it is beyond my scope of understanding....

..... I'm definitely going to have to give that book a read though..... if just to try to figure out what exactly the author was stoned on when he began to put pen to paper.....

Arms.....

..... so, The Sainted Mother is off to the local sawbones tomorrow morning to endure a day-surgery that is to be performed on her left arm.... and she is a hardcore southpaw, so this could be interesting for the next few days........

.... I called her this afternoon to ask her the particulars, and she queried thusly:

SM: "My sister is picking me up tomorrow morning, driving me down, and waiting for the surgery to finish... and then I will be staying with her for a few days."

Me:..... "...that's excellent, Mom!... I will give you a call tomorrow evening to see how you're feeling, ok?".....

SM: "Ok. Are you coming down to sit tomorrow?"....

Me: .... "ummm.... no, I hadn't planned on it..... why?..... Kathy will be there, right?"...

SM: "Well, yeah. But I thought you might like to come along for moral support for me."

Me: .... "Mom, you're going to be unconscious."

SM: "Heh! Just you wait until something happens and you need to go to the doctor!.. I'm going to say, 'What? Hey, you are in GREAT hands with the Doctor there! You don't need me there!'"

Me: ....".... and that'd be just fine, Mom..... hey, good luck tomorrow!"....

SM: "Harrumph."

..... I suspect that plans are afoot to write my narrow ass out of the will as I type this.......

.... in completely unrelated news though, I read today that today - March 9th - is the 65th anniversary of the firebombing of Tokyo during WWII..... check this out - it's from one of those little "This Day in History" calendars that I got for Christmas this year...

On this day in 1945, U.S. warplanes began a new and deadly bombing mission against Japan, dropping two thousand incendiary bombs on Tokyo within forty-eight hours. The firebombing of the Japanese capital incinerated 16 square miles, killing between 80,000 and 100,000 Japanese civilians. Earlier that morning U.S. General Curtis LeMay told his men that they were going to "deliver the biggest firecracker the Japanese had ever seen." Before the raid, crews had stripped each of the B-29 Superfortress bombers of all their guns - except the turret gun - to increase each plane's bomb load capacity by 65 percent. The raid lasted more than three hours. The air crews could smell the sickening stench of burning flesh as they completed their mission.

.... payback for Pearl Harbor was done in spades, spades, and double spades......

..... and for those of you who thought 'Band of Brothers' was amazing, 'The Pacific' begins this Sunday at 9pm...... and it promises to be one of the most amazing real-life dramas ever done regarding warfare....... personally, having read Sledge's book AND "Helmet for my Pillow" ages ago, I cannot wait to see them put on film..... the combat in the Pacific was completely different than the march across Europe...... if you've never read Sledge's book - and you want to know what history is all about - I suggest you do yourself a favor and read it.... slowly.... and more than once.....

Moonshine......

...... there are members of my family who are quite, well, what is the word?...... colorful?..... and that, dear friends, is a gross understatement......

..... sure, I have traveled, I have read, I have lived abroad, I've even tried to write........ hell, I own more than two pairs of shoes, a tuxedo, Danner combat boots, Justin cowboy boots, AND a silk Punjabi...... and while I am still many things to many people, I am still Just Me...... and I am as much my grandfather's grandson as I am my father's son...... and I am still my senior drill instructor's high shooter........

..... for we hillbillies, as a people, are more than just a little bit complicated, if you know what I mean......

... anyway, I played host to my Sainted Mother yesterday here, and we enjoyed a nice meal of broiled filet steak, roasted potatoes, cole slaw, and homemade creamed corn....... and it was a fabulous meal...... but at the END of the meal, she handed me a wrinkled old newspaper clipping to read concerning my Great Uncle Marvin.........

.... Jesus Christ, I could not quit laughing as I read it........

.... and so, for those of you who think you know me, here is a quick transcript of the clipping....... and of course, the names have been changed to protect the Guilty....... behold.....

The Tri-County Observer, November 29, 1978

THE REMAINS of Mr. XXXXXXX's still are shown outside the Monroe County Jail after arresting officers smashed it to prevent further use. (Photo by Sarah Cardin)

Being arrested every 39 years too often?

Marvin XXXXXXX was arrested Friday, the 24th, while working on the coil of a moonshine still at his residence, Englewood Rt. 1.

Monroe County officers Joe Graves, Garland Watson, Mac Williams, Conward Bivens, and two federal revenue agents arrived at the XXXXXXX property at 2:50 p.m armed with a search warrant. Three steel caps were found in the attic, one-half gallon of white whiskey was in the closet behind the heater, and a quart jar in another part of the house. Also located in the house was a large barrel.

THE COPPER POT was found in the hog pen. A large barrel of mash was in the hollow by the barn.

The arrest report listed XXXXXXX's occupation as "moonshiner", and his place of business as "behind the barn".

XXXXXXX commented that it had been 39 years since he had been locked up. He added, "I guess they'll keep me a long, long time this time."

The elderly man, dressed in typical mountain garb, was reported to have been very cooperative with the arresting officers.

"I USED TO DRINK a whole lot of whiskey," XXXXXXX said, "and they used to have to lock me up a lot. But now I only take a sup every now and then for this tumor that I have in my throat."

Officers smashed the still after it was unloaded outside the jail. The two jars of white whiskey were locked in the jail safe. (to be enjoyed later by the deputy, no doubt - ADDED by ME, Eric)

XXXXXXX was charged with possession of white whiskey and possession of moonshine still parts. He will appear before Sessions Court on December 11th. Bond was set for 1,000 dollars on each count.

.... damn, folks....... his place of business was listed as "behind the barn"........ I wonder - since it is census season - if I should have some fun with the scribes and tell them that my "place of business" is "in the blogroom"........ after all, our apples don't appear to have fallen that far from the poetic tree, eh?.....

... then again, maybe they'd sic the revenuers on me for being so bawdy!.....

Tongues......

..... a week ago I discovered that I had a happy family of black carpenter ants making their way into my spare bedroom for late-nite drinks of water..... and while I do consider myself a most gracious host who truly enjoys entertaining visitors of all kinds, I just couldn't abide with them munching away on my flooring joists & bunking in my insulation uninvitedly....... and so, as you do, I rang up the local exterminator-type folks........

...... and upon their arrival at The Compound here, I was sheepishly told that I am also harboring a healthy family of termites as well..... Marvon's verdict?....... a cool 700 bones to rid myself of every manner of creepy-crawly that one can imagine might one day in the future harsh my proverbial mellow....

...... who knew that a couple thousand million insects could create such a havoc?..... and I'm not 100% sure, but I bet that I could probably have myself drop-shipped an anteater from Darkest Africa for less than 700 bucks.....

.... or maybe get one of you Texican readers to mail me an armadillo.... don't those things eat ants and termites?.... hell, I could just lock it in the crawlspace and let it nibble itself all the ants and termites it could locate.....

.... I wonder what kind of license one would need to own an African anteater anyway.......

Time....

.... I've spent the last couple days of My Great Sickness going through some old family albums, reading, writing, and thinking......

... and at the end of the day?.... well, not much has come out of it except that I now realize that I was a complete redhead from day number one....... hey, I'm a 1972 model - and my little brother is a 77 model....... so, that makes me 6 years old in this winter picture..... and that makes my little brother about 1 and a half.....

.... oh, my how the times have changed....... it's quite sad at times, I guess........ but it is still nice to look back on gentler times, and see me holding his hand and smiling..........

..... photos, folks....... snapshots of life can make you happy, and blow your mind at the same time......... in a snapshot, we are forever frozen as We Were.......

.... but the Lens of Time shows us many different things........

....... I love old photographs, really....... they are full of What Might Have Been...... and I love to look at that Idea and wonder........

... and tonight?...... well, I wonder what the hell he was looking at while I smiled at the camera......

Lies...

.... man, I just LOVED this post by Big Stupid Tommy.........

... and it so reminded me of the time that I caught Mr. McDowell staring at The Missus' breasts last year at the DragonCon in Atlanta...... (which reminds me, after searching the archives, I just realized that I never wrote about the incident.... hmmmm... I need to rectify that, I guess....)

...... honestly, you can't make this stuff up..... well, not me, I mean..... but Tommy certainly can......