I Received a Request...

Since I can't get all my dang Blogspot crap imported over here, I have gotten a request to re-post my "Only Hookers Drink Cosmos" post on THIS site...so...even though you have already probably read it, here it is again...heh...

Another Story From my Life...

Usually, I just post jokes that crack me up,...or news stories that show me how crazy people are....but, sometimes, I get in the mood to tell a story...and I'm in one of those moods now....so, here is a story about humor, attraction, drinking too much, watching too much TV, blind dates, wrong things to say, and come-backs....anyway, off to the story..

Once upon a time, I had a cousin named Scott....now, Scott is 6 foot 4, and about 235...big ole fella...anyway, I met this girl at work named Charlene...she was brunette, 5 foot 2...AND she was a real cutie, and smart to boot....so, being that Scott was a nice guy, I decided....for the FIRST time in my life, that I'd play Cupid...and I arranged to have them both over to my house for dinner....that way, everything would be on neutral ground, there would be another "couple" around - me and the missus..and if things didn't go well, either one of them could bail after they had eaten my famous spaghetti and downed a few glasses of vino...no problem, right?

Well, Charlene arrived first...so, after greeting her at the door, I offered to make her a drink...she asked for a "Midori", and I didn't have any....now, firstly, this was a bit of a shock...for all NORMAL people, I have a fairly well stocked bar right here in my house, but nope...I didn't have any midori...so, she said..."Oh, I really like midori..."...she didn't drink very much, you see....ANYWAY, I say, "Well, if you like sweet drinks, maybe you'd like one of my famous Cosmopolitans?"......she proceeded to ask what was in it, etc...and I was explaining it as I mixed it up....now, about this time, Scott rings the doorbell....my wife lets him in, since I'm busy mixing a drink for Charlene....and he ambles his way into the kitchen..

"Hello, Scott! This is Charlene, that I've been telling you about for the past two weeks...what do you think? A real cutie, eh?"....now....of course, Charlene blushes a little at the compliment, giggles a little, and turns towards Scott for his opening statement...by now, my wife has walked around the corner and is in the edge of the kitchen ....just waiting to see if she can see any "chemistry" between them.....but Scott just stands there eyeing Charlene up and down....and you could tell that there was an attraction between them....so, Charlene takes the Cosmo and starts to take a sip....and Scott, sensing that it is time for him to say something, says..."What's that you are drinking?"....

Charlene takes the delicate cocktail glass down from her lips, and says..."a Cosmopolitan, I like it.."....to which....Scott utters the best "first-date-one-liner" I've ever heard......

"DANG! Only hookers drink cosmos"...

You could have heard a pin drop...Charlene nearly spills her drink... the wife punches Scott in the arm....and I collapse in uncontrollable laughter....Charlene...slowly looks up at Scott and says..."Has anyone ever told you that you bear an INCREDIBLE likeness to Randy Quaid from National Lampoon's Vacation?"....I thought I was gonna pee my pants when she said that....

In any case, the night fared better from there on out...we had a good meal...but, the damage had been done....EVEN when Scott tried to tell her that he was just trying to be funny, and that he'd heard that quote from some movie...the damage was DONE already....any "chemistry" they had at that first sight was crushed beyond repair after his opening statement....anyway....I still rag him about looking like Randy Quaid...BWHAHAHA...Charlene actually tried to console him later on that night by telling him that she thought Randy Quaid was quite handsome and sexy...but it never worked...now he's got a Randy Quaid complex...which serves him right....

So...the moral of this story...if you watch too many movies...and you start to memorize the dialogue....it is a bad thing..stop it...it will eventually come back at an inopportune time and bite you in the buttocks....and...when dating...DON'T make a joke when you first meet your girl...say something nice..Hell, even Scott saying..."DAMN!! Nice TITS!!" would have been a better first statement than that hooker comment....

by Eric on November 11, 2003 | Comments(1) | Psycho Rants
A Single Guy In The South links with: Kiss Me Once, And Kiss Me Twice, And Kiss Me Once Again

Comments so far:

HA! Cracks me up everytime I read that...

posted by: Brenda on November 12, 2003 08:06 AM