Time To Get Dirty...

Ok, kiddies...today is the beginning of Scotchfest 2004 at Straight White House....and...since I'm in the mood...I just thought I'd put up a little Adult Content..after all, it HAS been a while since I did....so...if you are easily offended by Adult Situations...Strong Language...Gratuitous Sexual References.....or just Me in general...go away now...you'll blush...

Ladies and Gentlemen....I want to talk to you tonight about the beauty of masturbation...for far too long, as far as I'm concerned, getting yourself off has been a taboo subject for most people....everybody does it....some do it once a week....some do it everyday....some do it at work....some do it TWICE a day..some do it MORE than TWICE a day.....wait...anyone who does it MORE than twice a day is probably going to injure themself...they should probably back off a little....

....the absolute FACT that we all do it...is NOT what I'm here to talk about right now.....what I wanted to focus on....was WHY you are doing it....what ARE you thinking about?....and...more importantly.....WHO are you thinking about?....

...Velociman once commented in THIS POST about a scene from the movie Emmanuelle....where a girl fantasizes and masturbates whilst gazing at a photo of Paul Newman...the gist of his post is that THAT is a legacy worth remembering....well..I have to agree wholeheartedly....indeed....that MUST be the greatest of compliments....

I mean...it's one thing to lie back and think of England....but, to lie back...by yourself...and think of Phoebe Cates?...well...that's a whole different ballgame...and...what kind of POWER must Miss Cates feel?... if she thought for one second about the nameless geeks (and hunks) that were tossing off whilst picturing her giving a blowjob lesson in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?...you remember the scene, right?...No?...you big fat liar..of COURSE you remember that scene....why?...because you've wasted napkins and tissue paper in every house you've ever lived in since you saw that scene...and, don't try to deny it...bastards...

But...here is the deal....to be in love with someone is nice....it's great....the best feeling in the world.....to be told you're handsome once in a while is cool....hell..most of us will settle for "you've got nice shoulders"....it's all good...and fine....but....how does this weather in comparison?

"I thought about you last night, and I became so hot and wet....that I couldn't help myself...and I couldn't wait until I saw you next....so, I finger-fucked myself to orgasm....right there in line at the supermarket...".....ok...well, maybe that is a bit much...but, you get the idea.....although, her waiting till later...in the privacy of her own home would probably have been better...either one of the above scenarios will MORE than make your Man happy....I'm sure that it is much the same with wimmin....

Get up early one morning....go off to blog while the wife sleeps....when she finally wakes up...make her breakfast....and say something like..."Darlin'...I woke up this morning thinking of you....I know you had a hard day yesterday...so, I thought that I'd let you sleep...but, I just couldn't get you off my mind...so, I masturbated this morning while fantasizing about you..".....heh...late sleeper, my ass...you'll get RAPED...IMMEDIATELY...Women want to be lusted after....just the same as Men want to be lusted after....it is the nature of things...

It kinda reminds me of Helen telling her readers that she had her way with herself while thinking of old times with Mr. Y....I bet Mr. Y popped the biggest boner of his entire born days when he read that....there is nothing finer than being desired....DEEEESIRED...

....there is a HUGE difference between Life and Fantasy...and, for the most part, never shall they meet...the old addage of "I make love to my wife....but I'd FUCK Cindy Crawford" comes to mind....your Wife..or Husband..is your Love....but, not always your fantasy fuck.....how cool is it when both are the same?.....

by Eric on January 08, 2004 | Comments(11) | SWG Stories

Comments so far:

Is it wrong I want to go off and take care of myself right now? I think it's sexy.

Oh by the way, welcome to the world of single Ashia. Who-hoo.....all are in trouble now.

posted by: Ashia` on January 8, 2004 09:35 PM

People do it at work, Eric? You serious?

posted by: Gooseneck on January 9, 2004 12:34 AM

Actually, I am now thinking of Aisha. Grrrr. What a hottie!

posted by: Gooseneck on January 9, 2004 12:37 AM

Gooseneck: dude, people will do it EVERYWHERE...

Ashia: Ashia, meet Gooseneck....Gooseneck, Ashia...ehhe...you two are BAD...

posted by: Eric on January 9, 2004 07:10 AM

Yep. Got me going.

Who I think about varies. Could be the hubby; other days it's other men. Once in a while a woman.
Sometimes it doesn't have to be ANYone. ;)

posted by: pam on January 9, 2004 05:14 PM

Pam: DANG!..I know it's a very personal thing...but, hell, we ALL do it....

posted by: Eric on January 9, 2004 06:08 PM

Lou Rosenthal aka "Spank" the monkey, I bet that even now you are "cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops"... hehehe... guys check this out... girls check this out... now, go enjoy yourselves!

posted by: The Bartender on January 9, 2004 08:04 PM

Bartender, that is awesome.

posted by: Gooseneck on January 10, 2004 01:05 AM

Hey, you ASKED! Go back and read your own post... ;)

posted by: pam on January 10, 2004 11:22 AM

Pam: don't get me wrong..I am VERY glad that you shared!!

posted by: Eric on January 10, 2004 11:28 AM

"Once in a while a woman."

Geez, Pam. I read that and the resulting twitch sent the mouse flying off the desk.

'Scuse me while I go "unfrustrate".

posted by: Harvey on January 19, 2004 10:26 AM