Men and Women...

....at work today, an email containing a spreadsheet was sent round the office...when you opened the attachment, it asked you to type your name in one of the columns...if you did this, it would display your "perfect job"....I know...pretty cheesy...but, bear with me....you put in your name, and it says things like...."Dog Grooming Specialist"....."Office Snitch"...."Professional Boxer"...and a million and one other things.....so, I put my name in, and it listed my "perfect job" as "Vibrator Tester"....can you believe that?

...anyway...I took this little test about 5 minutes before lunch break...so, I go walking into the conference room for lunch, and all of the women are sitting around the table unwrapping their Subway Sandwiches...discussing THEIR "perfect jobs"....when, behold, one of them asked me what that spreadsheet had told ME....so, I replied, "It hit me RIGHT on the head..my perfect job is "Vibrator Tester"...

....cackles...squeals...half-eaten Subways spewed across the conference table...tears were being wiped away from eyes....it was the total scene, people...

..I just stood there...I couldn't figure out why they thought that was so funny...and THEN, I got it...but, only when one of the girls asked, "So, WHERE were you TESTING the Vibrators?!?! BHWHAHAHA"....

....but...y'all would have been proud of me...I kept my composure...

"You Ladies have it all wrong...when that spreadsheet told me my perfect job, I immediately had a flash-picture in my brain....like a snapshot of me at my perfect job..."....some of the laughter had calmed down, and they were starting to pay attention....

I continued..."I suddenly saw myself in a white lab coat....with a clip board in my hand...and a pocket full of buzzing devices....I was walking down a long line of hospital beds...buxom young female librarians were enjoying the fruits of modern technology....faces buried in their pillows, and their asses in the air...

…as I approached the first one, I took the pen from my pocket and inquired thusly:

Me: Ahhh, I see you chose the Purple Passion with the new rotating function...how do you like it?
Librarian #1: unhhhh .....unggghhhh ....mmmmm... uhhh... ooohhh...
Me: I see, I see....very nice....thank you very much...

...I take a few steps...

Me: Wow….I see you chose the titanium Orgasmatron 200 AND the Pocket Egg....QUITE a combination...I'm impressed....How do you like the results so far?
Librarian #2: oooomigod... oooMIgod.... oooomiiiiGOD... OHHmiiiiiGAWD....
Me: DANG!...How can your legs quiver so much without you actually falling over?...uh...never mind...thanks for your ....uh...input...

I wiped my brow, and said to the rest of the long line of panting librarians, “Remember to drink lots of water...I don't want any of you to be less than fully hydrated for the experiment….and…be honest with your answers….this IS for posterity, you know"

...that’s what I told’em….heh…that was what I pictured…..so...how is it that the minds of Women and Men can grasp something as SIMPLE as "Vibrator Tester"...so differently?...

..I actually think they liked MY version of "Vibrator Tester" better than the one that each of them had imagined...but, I'm not 100% sure....although...I DO believe that dang spreadsheet knows me pretty well...

by Eric on January 23, 2004 | Comments(5) | SWG Stories
» Mind of Mog links with: The Dangers Of Following Links
» DramaQueen links with: warning: slightly raunchy post ahead
» dramaqueen .:. irish by marriage, so you can kiss my... links with: just a little more to the left... oh yeah BABY!
» dramaqueen .:. irish by marriage, so you can kiss my... links with: just a little more to the left... oh yeah BABY!

Comments so far:

THIS is what you discuss at company meetings?!?

Where do I send my resume?

posted by: Key on January 24, 2004 03:32 PM

this wasn't a meeting, Key....we all just have lunch together...hehehe...although, my story did shock some of the meeker employees at the table...heheh..they've come to expect things like that from me...

posted by: Eric on January 24, 2004 04:37 PM

...you've been sex-linked.

posted by: Key on January 24, 2004 04:51 PM

Hehe. I would be thrown in the dumpster if I talked that way at work... er... lunch.

posted by: Gooseneck on January 25, 2004 12:39 PM

...that's quite naughty! Oo er! Thanks Eric, not something I'd 'considered' before... *pervy grin*

posted by: goldie on January 27, 2004 05:33 AM