SWG Book Review...

...I know you weenies don't come here for art and culture, but you're gonna get my two cents worth today... the subject? "Cold Mountain"... I've heard that a movie has been made with that Jude Law guy... so, am I going to review the movie? HELL NO... why? ..because I'll never watch the bastard... I was given the book as a gift two years ago... I tried to read it... TWICE I tried.. I loaned it to the Wife to read, and she couldn't finish it... I loaned it to the Mother, and SHE couldn't finish it... folks, that book was the crappiest, slowest moving, most boring piece of shit that I've ever not-fully-read... I HATE it when I don't finish books, and for that reason, I HATE "Cold Mountain" for being so damn boring.. will I watch the movie?.. nope... unless I hear that Kidman gets her knickers off.. then, maybe I'll just fast forward to the appropriate bit...

..the fact that Hollywood has made a movie out of the book just goes to prove that they are all masochists... why are they so perverted?... well, the movie will, more than likely, be a huge hit, and millions of people will run out and buy that godforsaken book.. they will do this so that they can act superior to their friends... their friends will say, "Wow! I just saw the greatest movie ever! It's called Cold Mountain".... and the poser will say, "Oh, that? Hmmm, I haven't seen the movie, but I LOVED the book!"

...so, if you ever hear that, just remember... you heard it here first... those people are LIARS..and, if anyone ever says that to you, smack'em hard, and yell at the top of your lungs, "LIARRRRR".... ladies and gentlemen, I had a dedicated panel of hardcore readers attempt to read that damn book, and we ALL failed... "Cold Mountain" is not for me..

by Eric on February 01, 2004 | Comments(10) | SWG Stories

Comments so far:

Right on Brother. That book sucked. I forced myself to read it all. Forced myself. Dullest thing I've ever picked up.

Anyway, I agree 100%. Cold Mountain Sucks...

posted by: Sam on February 1, 2004 06:49 PM

So you don't think I'd like it?
[ar ar ar]

posted by: Indigo on February 1, 2004 09:39 PM

I liked "Enemy at the Gates"

posted by: Leo on February 1, 2004 11:33 PM

Now, THAT was a damned fine book review. Frankly, I cannot make much sense out of most book reviews, leading me to wonder if the people writing those turgid reviews are, themselves, failed authors. By contrast, the message in this book review was in neon lights.

Thanks. I think I'll be skipping "Cold Mountain."

posted by: Parkway Rest Stop on February 1, 2004 11:46 PM

Them sounds like fightin' words. I liked both the book and the movie (though you'll enjoy that the esteemed Ms. Kidman does get nekkid towards the end....)

posted by: BSTommy on February 2, 2004 08:24 AM

Sorry, BST, I just could NOT get through that book...dammit, now I HAVE to watch the movie..

posted by: Eric on February 2, 2004 09:12 AM

aint seen the movie n gut no yen to, but the book wuz a grate one in my pinion. twuznt a fast read, but oncet ye gut a'goin, twuz a hardn to put down. lease i found it so.

posted by: buddy don on February 2, 2004 09:21 AM

You wanna see Nic Kidman get nekked? Rent Eyes Wide Shut and do some fastforwarding. THE WORST movie I've ever seen (the only film I've ever considered asking for my money back at the ticket booth) but SHE'S worth the rental.

posted by: Mike the Marine on February 2, 2004 10:07 AM

BuddyDon hits the nail on the head. It's almost like Frazier wrote the first few chapters years before he wrote the rest of the work (and since it's his first novel, that's possible).

It is a slow read. It took me a couple of weeks. But once you get into the Reverend Veasey sections, it gets rocking pretty good.

And it's a pretty good Nicole Kidman nude scene, too. Better even than Eyes Wide Shut.

posted by: BSTommy on February 2, 2004 10:23 PM

Thanks for the heads up. ;)

posted by: Key on February 4, 2004 05:45 PM