The Adak Rat Killin' Episode...

...for those of you who have ever been stationed in remote and/or desolate places, you might understand a little of the psychology behind this story...for the rest of you, this story will be a journey into the ultimate boredom...

..once upon a time, I was a young Marine stationed on Adak Island... to say that it had an inhospitable climate is like saying the surface of the fucking Sun is "a bit warm".... anyway, we had a McDonalds downtown... a bowling alley... a club... a shooting range.. and not much else... usually, the weather was sideways.... which means, it was either raining, sleeting, or snowing horizontally... on the times that it was not raining, sleeting, or snowing sideways, the weather was STILL sideways... only there was not frozen water in it...

...Adak was great if you liked to be rained on, and continually walk around with that "windswept" look...

...but, I'm not going to blog about the weather, I want to tell you about the Rat Killin...

...all of the Marines lived on the second floor of the barracks.. the sailors lived on the first floor...something about climbing stairs and PT or something.. anyway, we had a ladderwell at either end of the second floor that lead directly down to an external door... this door's lock was damaged, and it was always open just a wee bit... of course, there was another door at the top of the ladderwell.. anyway, at the top we had our communal microwave.. many a happy half-hour was spent standing in the hallway beside the microwave waiting for your "Ramen Noodle and Vienna Sausage Surprise" to be sufficiently nuked..

..just outside the door at the bottom, the Seabee Det had placed a dumpster...

...being from the country.. and not having had much to do with dumpsters before, I was unaware of their attraction to rats... until, one day, whilst nuking my evening meal, I walked over to the ladderwell door, and peeped out the window.... and right there... sitting on the top step... sniffing the fragrant smell of my simmering meal... was a rat... a big, nasty, fat bastard... and I was NOT going to give him any of my Ramen Noodles...

..so, I ran back to my room, and told my roomie about the rat.. instantly, an idea flashed into his mind, and... like a flash, he was up, and out of the room... running the opposite direction of the microwave, he disappeared down the North Ladderwell... I thought to myself, "Dang, he must not like rats very much.." and I walked back towards the South Ladderwell.... where my dinner was cooking.. as I got close to the microwave, I heard a huge "SLAM!".. once again, I peeped out the tiny window in the door, and saw that the outside door had been shut... thus, trapping the rat.... seconds later, my breathless roommate appeared.. sporting a grin so evil it would have made Genghis Khan shudder....

.. now, it just so happened... that word spread quickly through the Marine Barracks of our new hostage... before I knew what was going on, LCpl Lomosad was already organizing... "Get the keys to the Gear locker!" was heard... followed by "Oohhraa!"... and various other sounds of glee...

...I checked my noodles....almost done... I peeped into the ladderwell....yep, there sat Mr. Confused Rat....

...next thing I know, Lomosad walks up to me with a softball bat.... thrusts it to my chest, and says.... "You found him...you and these two are gonna charge from the top...me and these guys will come up from the bottom....just remember...CLOSE the DOOR, and wait for us to come in before you start..."

...needless to say, boys and girls, that rat didn't stand a chance...he was trapped in the ladderwell with 6 extremely bored Marines armed with Louisville Sluggers... the charge lasted less than 10 seconds once we were all in position... Marines 1, Rats 0...

..after that, the weekly Rat Killin became a vital part of the morale and welfare of Company I, Marine Support Battalion... sometimes, if no rats would dare venture into the ladderwell... and we had sufficient snow... we'd go out and SHAKE that dumpster... when the rats scampered out, the Rat Killin would begin... I'm sure that... not only were we providing a vital public service, but, it was quite tiring after a while... and, it probably could have been classified as PT..

...what is the moral of this story? ...I don't know... except... keep your Marines busy... otherwise, you can't even GUESS what kind of things they'll get started... oh, and just the other day, Lomosad sent me a PHOTO of us all in the ladderwell with our bats... I hadn't remembered a camera being there.... my Grandchildren will be so proud of my time in the Service...heh.

by Eric on February 02, 2004 | Comments(5) | SWG Stories

Comments so far:

You write a great story even with a lowly a rat as your central character! Brought back memories of my teen years when rat-shooting was the "in" sport. A great night past time, with rifles and excitement too, when one of the varmints ran up one's leg!!

posted by: Indigo on February 2, 2004 08:05 PM

Post the Picture....HaHaHa!!!!

posted by: Sam on February 2, 2004 08:11 PM

Well so much for the rat bastard stories. I thought you were gonna lure the rat into the microwave and cook 'em! Seeya in Savannah!

posted by: ken on February 2, 2004 08:35 PM

Indigo: I know exactly where you are coming from, sis...

Sam: If I can find it, I'll post it....heh...I was only 165 then...now I'm almost 200...

Ken: You coming?!!? that's awesome, man...you'll get to meet the Wife!

posted by: Eric on February 2, 2004 08:49 PM

Good thing you guys didn't have grenades in the barracks. It might have ended in a draw.

posted by: Parkway Rest Stop on February 3, 2004 01:25 AM