SWG Moment...

...I swear unto all that is holy... there is a frog under a plastic bag of ice... in my garage.. here is the deal...

...the cat.. Fred, in this instance, dragged home a frog.. all legs akimbo... slightly chewed... (one leg was covered in cat hair.. and, I might add, half eaten).... but, there it sat... green... croaking... both in the literal AND figurative sense.. meekly blinking at us... almost as in some kind of disappointment... as if to say, .... please... Meester, Eric... keeeel me now.....

...so, I asked the Wife what she wanted done... a quick size 10 stomp on the bastard?.. dammit... I hate to see animals suffer... and, if you ever own cats, trust me... you are GONNA see animals suffer... oh no, not the cats... their VICTIMS... anyway.... she didn't want the stomp method... so, I asked her what she wanted.... "put it in a bowl.... and microwave it"... she said.... DAMN, girl... that would be torture... you can't microwave a poor frog.... shit, if you think the stomp-method was bad, the microwave method is even fucking worse... so, I said.. "why don't you just leave it for the cats to finish later".... and, she didn't like that outcome either....

....finally, she said... (which, I am impressed with her creativity here).... "fill a plastic GLAD bag with ice, and bring it to me... we'll freeze it to death.. it will be just like going to sleep... as the hypothermia begins".... yeah.... I know what you're thinking... I married a goodun.... so, I did as instructed... and now... as I sit here typing... a frozen, half-eaten froglet is dead in my garage.... both cats have circled many times... but, I think they are afraid of the cold.. in any case, the fact remains.... I was party to a henious murder tonight.. murder by ice.. in a way, it is remarkably Hitchcockian.... then again, maybe it is just warped...

by Eric on March 21, 2004 | Comments(11) | SWG Stories

Comments so far:

Don't frogs hibernate?

posted by: Geoffrey on March 21, 2004 05:23 PM

..well, I don't know... but, if that's the case, then he's sure as hell hibernatin' now..

posted by: Eric on March 21, 2004 05:35 PM

We do surgery on frogs where I work, and we put them on ice to anesthetize them. I just thought I should let you know that the frog will still be alive if he warms up.

My advice, if it isn't too disgusting, is to put it in the freezer. That should kill it. Or stomp it when it's cold; it won't feel it.

posted by: TOm on March 21, 2004 06:15 PM

Take the frogcicle to Antarctica so it'll stay dormant until global warming revives it up and it can live a happy and fullfilling frog life.

posted by: GORDON on March 21, 2004 06:34 PM

Eric, you show how wrong are the people who say single folks live more interesting lives than those who are married. The married version of "interesting" may be odd sometimes, but it sure ain't boring.

posted by: Jack on March 21, 2004 06:57 PM

I like the "microwave" solution" Hey...Hey.

posted by: Sam on March 21, 2004 08:20 PM

BWHAHAHHAHA... you guys are killing me...

anyway... for those interested parties, I did the frog-stomp deal after it was frozen.... it didn't do much after that... flat frogs, heh.. tis a tragedy, but... one-legged frogs don't last long in the wild down here... it seemed the most noble thing to do under the circumstances...

posted by: Eric on March 21, 2004 09:26 PM

This may very well be the most twisted blog I visit. Guess that's what keeps me coming back! And frogs DO hibernate.

posted by: Indigo on March 21, 2004 09:40 PM

..I'm not twisted, Indigo... I'm just misunderstood.. at least, that's what I keep tellin' myself...

posted by: Eric on March 21, 2004 09:44 PM

Frog disposal? Back when i was 9 i'd've picked up a baseball bat & said "throw me some heat!"

SLMACHK!

posted by: Marty on March 21, 2004 09:55 PM

Geez, Eric, what's next? Puppies in blenders? :-)

posted by: Harvey on March 22, 2004 01:12 PM