Taxes...

...I had my taxes done today... and man, they must have seen me coming... as has happened the past two years, I was raped... viciously... by a sweet, gray-haired old lady named Betty.... of course, it wasn't her fault really.... but, the outcome was the same... I owe 1.5K to be paid by tomorrow's High Noon...

...I don't mind paying taxes... I really don't.... as long as I have enough money to stay warm, dry, keep myself in plenty of Single Malt, and purchase the occasional Porn Website access, I'm cool.... hey, what can I say?... I'm a simple kind of guy... but, what gets me is that after LAST year's fiasco, I thought 2003 would be a walk in the park... and in all truth, Brothers and Sisters, I was mistaken....

...a conspiracy is afoot, I'm afraid... way back in the day, I lived overseas for 8 years... blissfully ignorant of the long arm of the IRS, I never filed my US Income tax... in my simple Tennessean mind, I had not earned any money in the US, so why the hell did I need to file taxes?... well, 8 years after the fact, I begin proceedings to get the Wife's paperwork in order for Legal Alien status... (yeah, I still get loads of mileage out of calling her a Alien... Legal, of course)... and, lo and behold, the US Embassy asks me for my last three years Tax Forms... "Tax Forms?", says I, "WHAT Tax Forms??".... it would be a gross understatement to say that they were not amused...

...so, to cut a long and cheerful story short, I had to file my taxes... all 8 years.... in the same damn envelope.... so, I kinda figure that I am on some IRS Shitlist somewhere...

...last year, being Income Tax Virgins, we filed our first time... and, like most stories of Virginal Innocence being lost, it was a nightmare... the outcome? ...seemingly, neither of us had enough withheld... so, we had to cough up 1.2K... so, being that one painful lesson usually teaches your dumb ass, we decided to get our employers to up the Gov's skimming of our weekly wages... thwart those evil bastards by topping up their coffers 10 bucks at a time... and then, laugh come April next year...

...well, that was the plan... and, unlike Baldrick's, it was not cunning in the least... we let slip our overtime.... raises.... etc.. and even with extra money coming out every week, we STILL fell short... dammitalltohell... so, here I sit.. wondering where my plan fell apart... taxes... damn... the absolute ONLY reason I can think of to hate Spring....

by Eric on April 13, 2004 | Comments(7) | SWG Stories

Comments so far:

Us too, my friend. Last year we paid and changed our exemptions, at work, etc., hoping this year would be different. I even assumed (there's that word again !) that since this was the first WHOLE tax year we lived in our own home, it would benefit us.
We owe more this year, by the way ! ;OP

posted by: siso on April 13, 2004 06:28 PM

Damn man...I got jammed myself!!! And I agree...taxes are the ONLY problem with Spring...except for skoal juice.

posted by: Sam on April 13, 2004 06:29 PM

...taxes, and our lack of exemptions are God's punishment for us not having kids... I believe that... I really do...

siso and Sam... glad to hear that we're all in the same boat... except of the Skoal juice, that is....

posted by: Eric on April 13, 2004 06:35 PM

Damn, we've never had to pay. Did you try H&R Block? We did better this year than last. Last year we hardly got anything back.

Jennifer Martinez sends

posted by: Jennifer Martinez on April 13, 2004 06:45 PM

Thanks for the compliments on the pictures sweetie! I'm glad to be back after that crappy hiatus. :) Not a new beau btw....he has no clue really. :X

BTw..you are supposed to have your taxes done first thing buddy! makes it easier. ;) Some help I am eh?

posted by: Ashia` on April 13, 2004 08:16 PM

First four years of married life, I somehow kept managing to arrange our finances so we owed the Feds over $1000 come April.

This year we're finally getting a couple hundred back. Guess it's time to tweak back the withholding a bit.

If I could make it exactly 0, I'd be a happy man.

posted by: Harvey on April 14, 2004 12:48 PM

Gads. I'll be having to deal with the same thing soon. Which means I'll likely come to you seeking advice later.

posted by: Shem on April 15, 2004 03:32 AM