I'm GONE..

I will not be blogging until Sunday evening..unless they kick me out Saturday, and I end up driving back...then, I'll be bloggin' again on Saturday night....sorry folks...have a nice Halloween, and try not to be too scary...right now, I'm off to eat pasta, drink Scotch, and meet some Jawjuh bloggers...now, go and give some candy to the little miscreant at your front door......this is Straight White Guy...signing off...*click*...

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Dahlonega, Here I come...

Well, it won't be long now till I finally get to meet some REAL bloggers...

This gathering of North Georgia bloggers sounds like it is going to be a lot of fun...however, I've heard the Daxman talk about the "North Georgia Blog-meet", I must confess that I feel like I might be being a bit of a gatecrasher...since I'm techinically a *Southeastern Tennessee Blogger* ...anyway, I'm going...I guess they'll just have to kick me out...but,

I'm bringing some booze...so, maybe that will make them happy enough to see me that I'll be able to stay for a while...

One thing that I find really interesting is that this meet-up/boozefest/joke-telling-session is being held in a mysterious location known as "Blood Mountain"...the day after Halloween....sounds kinda creepy...heh..

Personally, I can't wait to get down there....I live about 2 hours away, so I'm starting out tomorrow morning around noon....so, maybe I'll be a few drinks ahead of some of them by the 3pm start time...although, the Acidman DID say he might get there a little early......but, I did call Caruso's, and they told me that they only serve beer and wine.....so, I guess I'll have to wait for a nice Scotch and water back at the cabin...*provided I survive the dinner!*

See you guys soon!

As an afterthought, I hope that some people in the Chicagoland are are reading this...and are hatching the idea of a "Corner of the Bar Gang" meet-up some time in the future...

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by Eric on Oct 31, 2003 | Comments(1) | TrackBack (3) | Drinking
» A Single Guy In The South links with: Dahlonega--20 Hours
» Gut Rumbles links with: people i saw at the blog-meet
» A Single Guy In The South links with: Jawja Blogger Meet-Up Recap

The 14 Leadership Traits

This is a direct cut-and-paste copy of an entry I did over on my old blogspot address....certain events have happened recently which brought this old post to mind...so, even though I'll be repeating myself, here is my two cents worth...

"OK...after today, I feel the NEED to impart some information to all of you. Since the dawn of time, there have been leaders of men...people who are known as natural "leaders"...how are they "natural leaders"....they were born wiith a sense of common sense and fairness........now, this goes for the military...but what a lot of people DON'T know is that these traits are useful in LIFE...just basic, everyday kinda life...if you can fulfill these 14 simple rules, you will be a leader. First you lead YOURSELF, and THEN you can lead other people...and even if you are not in a leadership role, these traits will make you a better person...seriously....I am NOT joking...

Here are the 14 Leadership Traits as of the USMC...all young Marines are taught them right off the bat during their training....I assume that most few middle managers, and MOST top management have never HEARD of these traits...anyway, here they are....


Justice is defined as the practice of being fair and consistent.

Judgment is your ability to think about things clearly, calmly, and in an orderly fashion so that you can make good decisions.

Dependability means that you can be relied upon to perform your duties properly. It means that you can be trusted to complete a job. It is the willing and voluntary support of the policies and orders of the chain of command. Dependability also means consistently putting forth your best effort in an attempt to achieve the highest standards of performance.

Integrity means that you are honest and truthful in what you say and do. You put honesty, sense of duty, and sound moral principles above all else.

Decisiveness means that you are able to make good decisions without delay. You get all the facts and weigh them against each other, then act – calmly and quickly – arriving at a sound decision.

Tact means that you can deal with people in a manner that will maintain good relations and avoid problems. It means that you are polite, calm, and firm in approach.

Initiative is taking action even though you haven’t been given orders. It means meeting new and unexpected situations with prompt action. It includes using resourcefulness to get something done without the normal material or methods being available to you.

Endurance is almost like courage. It is the mental and physical stamina that is measured by your ability to withstand pain, fatigue, stress, and hardship. A lack of endurance in a combat situation is sometimes viewed as cowardice. In peacetime, endurance is the quality of withstanding pain. For example, enduring pain during a conditioning march in order to improve stamina is crucial in the development of leadership.

Bearing is defined as your general appearance, how you conduct and carry yourself. Your personal appearance and the condition of your clothing and equipment should be outstanding. Your manner should reflect alertness, competence, confidence, and control.

Unselfishness means that you avoid making yourself comfortable at the expense of others. Be considerate of others. Give credit to those who work well rather than take the credit for yourself.

Courage is what allows you to remain calm while recognizing fear. Moral courage means that you have the guts to stand up for what is right and to accept blame when something is your fault. Physical courage means that you can continue to function effectively when there is physical danger present.

Knowledge is the understanding of a science or art. Knowledge means that you have acquired information and that you understand people. Your knowledge should be broad, and in addition to knowing your job and your MOS, you should know your unit’s policies and keep up with current events.

Loyalty means that you are devoted to your country, the Corps, and to your seniors, peers, and subordinates. The motto of our Corps is Semper Fidelis! You owe unwavering loyalty up and down the chain of command, to seniors, subordinates, and peers.

Enthusiasm is defined as a sincere interest and exuberance in the performance of your duties. If you are enthusiastic, you are optimistic, cheerful, and willing to accept the challenge of the Marine Corps.

If you can do these things...you will go faaaaaar, pilgrim...
on a side note, just to help you all remember these as you travel through your normal lives, the acronym for these traits is JJ DID TIE BUCKLE...."

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Family Matters

Into every life, a little rain must fall...and into every family, a few nuts are sprinkled...I certainly have some really freaky people in MY family...But, I was just over HERE, and now I feel better.....It seems that it is OK to have a bunch of weirdos as your family....it is NORMAL....

"His middle name is Bruce. His nickname is Brucie Beast. It was given to him by a gay college professor of his when lived with the professor. He says nothing ever happened with the professor but he was young and impressionable and it was the 60's so you be the judge."

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Kill'em ALL...

LeeAnn over at Chez Cheese has a.....uh.....few interesting ways to deal with all those people in your past who screwed you over....ahhh sigh....gotta love her way of thinking....I'm already envisioning a scene so gory....uh...nevermind....

All those people who wronged me in the past, who I had an uncomfortable history with, who I'd cross the street and cover my face like an accused in a perp walk to avoid.... they're all dead.
I killed them.

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Best Meal I Ever Had..

I woke this morning hungry. Starving...I don't know why, really. I mean, I had a normal dinner last night....but, as I sit here wondering what I am going to order for lunch, I can't help but remember the best meal I've ever had...anyone who loves food, will remember their favorite meal...whether it was in a favorite bar, or restaurant....and most people, believe it or not, will remember one particular meal that was their best...Ever...

I remember having a fabulous dinner at The Witchery in Edinburgh....great wine list, and the service is wonderful. When in Boston, I always try to get to Legal Seafood for some Clam Chowder.....but, in reality, I enjoy grilling some ribs on my back deck just about as much as anything...

The "best meal I ever had" memory is easy for me...I remember it vividly.....I know where I was...I know who I was with.....I even remember what I was wearing...and, if I concentrate, I can almost taste that meal again....since I had it the first time, I have cooked that particular dish many times...and I have never gotten that initial feeling back......

This took place about 12 years ago....My friend Sam Williams and I decided that we would climb Mt. Moffett. The mountain had two peaks with one slightly higher than the other, and a long ridgeline saddle which ran between the two peaks...We had worked all night. When we got off work, we headed straight for the chow hall. After a quick breakfast, we grabbed all of our gear that we had pre-packed the day before, and headed off on foot for the mountain about 5 miles away.

Our idea was to climb up to the lower peak, and then retire back to the saddle to pitch our tent and camp. We would then make the higher peak the next morning, and spend the rest of the day hiking down and back to base.....that was the plan....

We started out at about 8AM, and by noon, we were almost to the saddle of the mountain. We rested for about half an hour once we arrived at the saddle, and we discussed our previous plan. A command decision was made. The weather was gorgeous - just above freezing - and we weren't feeling too tired from working the midwatch the night before. A decision was made....we decided to make the high peak first. This was a mistake.

We hiked for another two hours - roped together - picking our way gently up the narrow ridgeline cornice...This was my first time ever climbing a mountain like this...were I'm from, you never get that much snow on the mountains...and the ridges are more rounded off....this mountain was totally different....as we walked along the ridge, you could see for thousands of feet down either side of the ridge you were walking...talk about "exposure"...you felt like you were walking along the edge of a razor...the snow was very deep as well, and I was pretty nervous about avalanches...but we kept going....

Sam was leading, and I was behind.....At about 75 feet from the peak, the weather hit us like a ton of bricks....total white-out....visibility was ACTUALLY zero....so, we sat there and hoped the weather would pass...after 10 minutes of total white-out, we started to feel the effects of the icy wind....we suddenly realized that we were in dire trouble....there was no way that we could put up our tent for shelter because the ridge was too narrow and steep...there was no way we could risk trying to hike down the mountain.......but we HAD for find shelter fast....FAST.....so, I stepped down the ridge about three feet and carved a shelf with my ice axe just big enough for my thermarest....Sam did the same thing about three feet lower on the ridge below me.....and we laid out our thermarests and sleeping bags and got inside them to wait for the weather to break.....We were in our bags for 18 hours before the weather eased enough for us to get the hell off that mountain....

After clearing the most dangerous section of the hike down, we finally arrived below the snowline in a field of huge boulders.....exhausted, hungry, cold, and just plain happy to be alive....Sam cracked open his pack and got his stove fired up....and I opened my pack and got out our meal....it was a plastic container of home-made beef stew...the ingredients were 1lb of chopped steak, 1 can of boiled potatoes, 1 can of boiled carrots, a whole quartered onion, and three packets of Lipton Onion Soup Mix....I put that in the pan with some water, and we sat there while it cooked...that was the best meal I have ever had.....I never tasted food that even comes CLOSE to the first spoonful of hot Mt. Moffett Beef Stew...

Sam told me that when we were stuck on the mountain in our sleeping bags, he could hear me snoring over the roar of the wind.....

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HORRIBLE Joke of the Day...

Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing Home residents. They both agreed that life was still good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her husband had come to the nursing home.

The other woman, Mabel, said that her sex life was still wonderful. "The secret to great sex is this: When my husband is getting ready for bed, I get

undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!"

Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight!"

When her husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, Ethel takes off all her clothes. Although it's quite a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well.

After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move. It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom...

With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells: "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"

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That's the Spirit...

Sorry, bloggin' is a bit slow tonight...been busy reading other people's stuff....anyway, here is a little rib tickler for you....

Two old drunks were drinking up at a Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon.

The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard."

"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."

"So," says the second drunk, "What's your point?"

"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

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Now THIS is how to tell a story...

If I could write like THIS, I'd be doing it professionally...and that's a FACT...

And, I'm sure we ALL have had our own versions of Simone Griffeth...mine was Lisa R....

"I'd often see Simone as she water-ski'd by our dock, blond hair slicked back, bikini aquiver (you know what I mean). There were usually one or two GQ-looking boys in the boat with her, all studly and such, but at least she had the decency to wave back to the skinny geek with big ears and big wood in his banlon nut hugger bathing suit."

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Oh.My.Gawd, Bejus...what HAVE you been up to now?!?!?!!?....I just got another referrer from Google.....someone was searcing for Donnie's Porn.....I just found out that I rank #3 on Google's search for "donnie's porn". .....BWHAHHAHAAHAH....man, Donnie, what is UP WITH THAT!??!

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Bad Joke of the Day

Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

baaaaaa dump dump.....yeah, I know....pretty lame, but isn't what you have come to expect around here? heh...

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by Eric on Oct 29, 2003 | Comments(2) | TrackBack (1) | Jokes
» Anger Management links with: COMING SOON...AGAIN

Where ARE my Bullets..

Alright...this is the end....I'm gonna end it all now.....I just took ANOTHER one of those damn quizzes...and I'm George...dangit...DANGIT!!!


Which Seinfeld Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hat Tip to Big Stupid Tommy for the link...the bastard...now I'm off to do myself in with over-indulgence of Scotch....

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This is just WRONG

Someone needs to call SOMEBODY about this....this is just wrong...

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by Eric on Oct 28, 2003 | Comments(3) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon links with: Evil Glenns' Halloween Costume
» Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon links with: Evil Glenn's Halloween Costume

That Scary Time of Year..

A guy I work with is having poltergeist problems...about four months ago, his house on the lake was struck by lightning...ever since then, he has had some REALLY weird stuff happen in his house...for instance, it all began when he went to get into his car, which was parked in the garage, and once he started it up, all of the electronics were haywire...temperature settings were off, the radio was on - and on a different channel than he'd left it on....I told him that this may have been to do with some sort of electrical charge being left behind...anyway, he bought that, and didn't say anything else about the goings-on for a few weeks....

A few weeks later, he tells me that he is minding his own business at home, when his dog starts barking at the window leading onto the lake...so, he goes to investigate....and he sees something floating up over the lake...just as he sees it, it disappears...and the only thing that comes to his mind when he tries to describe it to me is that it looked like an "angel"...feathery wings and all...

I told him he was an old hallucinating fart and that he should drink more in the evenings....hey, I like to give sound advice to my friends...

Anyway, he comes in a few weeks later and tells me a story about his couch...now, I know that couch stories are usually pretty dang boring, but this one was just plain weird...So, the story goes that he and his wife have this big leather couch in their living room...they come home from dinner, and there is a huge, black ink stain on this brown couch....they get pretty pissed off, and both he AND his wife inspect it...it looks, evidently, like someone has left a magic marker on the couch arm, and it has bled into the leather...so, they spend a while wondering which of their grandkids they need to beat senseless over the weekend for ruining their couch, and inspecting the stain...finally, they go to bed...and in the morning, the stain was gone...later that day, they contact all of their kids, and none of them had been over at the house that week...weird, huh?...

and then TODAY, the guy comes in, and he tells me that after pulling into the garage and parking his car, he and his wife went inside....no sooner had they gotten inside than the doorbell rang..he was only about five feet from the door, so he opened it in less than 3 seconds after it rang...and there was no one there..he was totally freaked out...

Before you all start going off, let me just give you a little background. This man is a seasoned professional...he is over 50 years old, and is extremely respected by his peers and subordinates...He is intelligent and educated....and he sat there in my office...asking for advice, and I told him he was either nuts....or being haunted...coming from me...someone that I like to think isn't afraid of things that go bump in the dark...his stories freaked ME out...so...I guess I'm the one in need of advice now...any spook hunters out there who want to come hunting in Tennessee?..

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It's Robert Service Time...

Ahhhh....time for another does of my favorite Old Sour Dough....this one has a interesting twist in it.....remember, kiddies, if you read it out loud, you'll enjoy it more...

The Ant Hill

Black ants have made a musty mound
My purple pine tree under,
And I am often to be found,
Regarding it with wonder.
Yet as I watch, somehow it's odd,
Above their busy striving
I feel like an ironic god
Surveying human striving.
Then one day came my serving maid,
And just in time I caught her,
For on each lusty arm she weighed
A pail of boiling water.
She said with glee: "When this I spill,
Of life they'll soon be lacking."
Said I: "If even one you kill,
You bitch! I'll send you packing."

Just think - ten thousand eager lives
In that toil-worn upcasting,
Their homes, their babies and their wives
Destroyed in one fell blasting!
Imagine that swift-scalding hell! . . .
And though, mayhap, it seems a
Fantastic, far-fetched parallel -
Remember . . . Hiroshima.

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Redneck Cup Holder..

NO comment....

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Porno Karaoke..wow...

What WILL they think of next?....I mean, isn't karaoke bad enough already?..listening to some drunk, nasal-voiced, weenie screech through the latest Celine Dion song isn't MY idea of a good time, but I can ASSURE you that it happens somewhere on a daily basis...and now, what have the Germans come up with??...you guessed it....XXX Porno Karaoke...I mean, at least it would be FUNNY, right?....but what kind of psychos would get on stage..in front of other people....and make rumpy-pumpy noises into a karaoke machine...people just constantly amaze me...they really do...

GERMANS are screaming, moaning, and panting for the latest nightlife craze: porno karaoke.

Film producers Satt und Durstig organised a premiere in Berlin last month after a successful test run in the northern city of Hamburg, and the trend has already spawned imitators in other major cities.

Porno karaoke is similar to traditional karaoke - but, instead of standing in for Whitney Houston or Frank Sinatra, contestants belt out the soundtracks of adult movie stars.

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Iraq = Vietnam??

For those of you who are SICK and TIRED of every Liberal you talk to spouting "THIS IS JUST ANOTHER VIETNAM!!" whilst foaming at the mouth and generally acting stupid...there is a HELLUVA comparison of the two conflicts over at Silent Running...

As for the second similarity - well, that has been rather explosive and short lived so far in this latest outburst, but the basic strategy is there. Latest is the apparent attempt over the past 48 hours by the die hard Ba'athists and radical foreign Islamists to create a Tet style atmosphere at the beginning of Ramadan. Festivities in time for the holidays. Who says these guys don't have a touch of Martha in them!

Yesterday saw the attack of the Al Rashid - a significant and symbolic US associated facility, and today the wave of bombings throughout the country. Not unlike the offensive mounted by the Vietnamese - with the exception that the dead-enders do not have the resources or capabilities to actually replicate one of the key elements of Tet - the ground forces capture of the city of Hue, a provincial capital.

The Ba'athists and Islamists don't have the capability to incite that level of mayhem. It is also useful to keep in mind that militarily, the Tet offensive was an unmitigated battlefield disaster for the Vietnamese, simply because it caused them to place so many of their well hidden forces into plain view that the pummeling they took probably set them back to before square one in their attempt to conquer the South via force.

So, the next time one of those Liberal weenie friends of yours says how we are about to have our asses handed to us by the VC in desert dress, just tell them to be quiet..and if the persist, smack them HARD with the nearest cluebat..

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Something Completely Different..

I JUST DID MY FIRST TRACKBACK....HOT DAMN!!....sorry, I just HAD to say that...I promise to keep the uncontrolled outbursts to a minimum from now on....

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Velociman and the GA Mountains...

Well, seems that while I was away boozing it up in scenic Gatlinburg, the Velociman decided to try to start a comment riot on my site...hehe...hey, Velociman, you should know by now that I don't get enough comments here! Hell, I'd LOVE some comments...ANY friggin' comments!! Anyway, I was wondering if the Velociman was going to try to make it to Dahlonega this weekend...and if not, why not....

Heh! I'm starting to get excited about this trip....although, I know that I'm going to be forced to buy most of the drinks...due to the fact that Jawjuh kicked the crap out of the Vols a few weeks ago...hmm...I think, when in enemy territory, it might be best to blend...but, dangit, I just don't think I could EVER wear a Bulldog tee-shirt....

Anyway, does anyone have a rundown of the guests? As far as I know, it is going to be...

The Acidman
Dax Montana
Suburban Blight
Grouchy Old Cripple
Ain't Done It
Single Guy in th South
DAMMIT....DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT....I just went over to Suburban Blight to cut and paste her URL, and she has beaten me to the punch...oh well...so much for THIS post....sheesh...

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Bad Joke of the Day

OK, for lack of anything ELSE to post today, I thought I just throw this horrible joke out to you ravenous wolves...heh..

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he
heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his clothes and ran into cave. The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. "Was he crazy or what?"

"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler "Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the opening. If
they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The second! Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately,
there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he
came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call,"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,
tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the Newspaper read...


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Now THIS is a Post...

...hey...what can I say?...WOW...I think I need a cold shower now....DANG!!

Now, I had it pictured in my head, all womanly softness, wet lips, and moaning. What I got was more of a dog and pony show. Some kissing (she was terrible), some breast action (she was mad for it), and then some muff diving.

And that was interesting.

She tasted like melon, or like something hot and sweet and unmovable. I really dug the taste of it. She was completely shaved, and her clitoris was actually hard to find. She made odd squeaky nosies, either due to my performance or the hotness of the situation, I am not sure which and either are equally complimentary. I went at her for a while more out of curiosity than any skill, and it is safe to say that she did the same for me-she went at me more like a dog lapping up a dollop of ice cream on the floor than any kind of deep, intensive orgasmic moment.

MANY thanks to The Bartender for pointing me in the direction of this hot little blog....*whew*!

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People Are So Stupid

....seriously....I don't even have to try to LOOK for these stories...they are EVERYWHERE....hell, you can't miss'em....I'll bet that if you tried to find a story in your local newspaper where people were acting NORMAL, you'd be pretty hard pressed to find one....why is that?....well, it's because the VAST MAJORITY of people are totally nuts....and should either be shot, hung, or otherwise done away with....here is another PRIME EXAMPLE....

According to court records, a Bryan police officer was flagged down at about 5:45 p.m. Monday by a motorist who said a naked man tried to jump into his truck. The officer reported the incident and was told by a dispatcher that several calls had come in from witnesses who said the man stole a pickup and rammed it into a house and vehicle on 21st Street.

Witnesses told police the man jumped out of the wrecked truck, removed his clothes and ran off. Lewis’ wallet and identification were found inside a pair of pants in the vehicle that hit the home, records state.

Officers later found a man on North Reed Avenue who was sitting in an electric wheelchair and appeared to have only a blanket covering himself, documents state. Lewis gave the officers a fake name, police said, which he had trouble spelling it.

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Why Parachuting is just Crazy

I've sat on the sidelines while watching Donnie and Matt duke it out about being a "Leg Ranger", or "Airborne Ranger"...and frankly, I have to say that I'm on Donnie's side....jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft is just nuts...I have two uncles who were Airborne...and both of them are complete lunatics...one was 173rd AND 82nd...and the other was just in the 82nd....

One of my first blog entries..back on blogspot....was about taking my darling wife to an airshow and riding with her during her first helicopter

ride...after we landed, the FIRST thing she said was...:I wanna go SKYDIVING!!!"...now, ...you can imagine my horror...sure, if she wants to do it, I'll knuckle down and do it with her....but, it is NOT one of my "things I wanna do before I die"....anyway, I just read THIS POST, and that pretty much freaks me out about jumping out of a moving plane....no freaking THANK you....

The murder of Stephen Hilder during a routine skydive, on Friday 4 July, remains a disturbing mystery. We know how he was killed, we know when, and there are a limited number of suspects. After three months, however, police have not identified his killer. What we know is that on that July day at the Hibaldstow Parachute Centre, north Lincolnshire, the trust that exists between British skydivers was broken for the first time. Since the murder, people have closed ranks, mistrust of the media following close behind the general unease.

Note to Goblins...if you are gonna kill me...just shoot me, stab me, or take my OWN pistol off of me, and pistol whip me to death....but....do NOT mess around with my parachute....you can go ahead and kill me, but dicking with my chute is just MEAN....dang....

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by Eric on Oct 26, 2003 | Comments(5) | TrackBack (1) | Military Stuff
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Airborne All The Way, Every Day!

White Guy from CHIPS

....I am ranked number 3 on google if you search for "White Guy from Chips"....what the hell is up with that?.....maybe I need to have better posts...hmmm..

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Straight White Guy Hell

I am currently in the Straight White Guy version of living hell....Over the weekend, I made some purchases at a Video/Music store...I bought myself a DVD & CD set of the Rat Pack...recorded off some of their stage performances...I listened to it all the way back from Gatlinburg..Dean Martin is just awesome...anyway, I ALSO bought a DVD of ABBA for my wife...she loves them...I can't stand them....but, I knew it would make her happy, so I bought it for her as a surprise....and, true to form, she loved it...

...but, Brothers and Sisters....I'm paying for it now....for as I sit here, typing furiously on this keyboard, she is watching the DVD....and she has BEEN watching that damn thing for the past hour and a HALF...there must be 50 damn songs on that thing...and she's SINGING along with every one of them....I'm truly in Straight White Guy hell....had I known it was that long, there is no way in HELL that I'd have bought it for her....

oh lord...I need more Scotch....she's singing again..."gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight"....please...someone just shoot me now....

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I'm BACK...go and VOTE for me..

I'm just back from a drunken mini-vacation in the beautiful...if slightly over-crowded Tennessee mountains.....much fun was had by one and all, and photos of me sleeping on the bar will be posted once they are developed...anyway, I get back, and check my blogroll, and I'll be DAMNED if I haven't been shortlisted for my recipe for an Antarctic Cosmo...so, run right over to Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon, and cast your vote for me...and remember...only hookers drink cosmos....

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I'm Outta Here

I'm off to the Smokies...I'll be back posting about the goings-on in Gatlinburg on Sunday evening......this is Straight White Guy...signing off....*click*..

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by Eric on Oct 24, 2003 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» Velociworld links with: BARFLY BLOG

Old Person Joke

Alright...I was just over at The Parkway Reststop, and he has a great story about old "party poopers"...seems that some people don't like it when old codgers start bumping uglies...anyway, live and let live, that's what I say...Hell, if they can get it going at that age, LEAVE THEM ALONE...but when I was reading that article, I was reminded of a joke I once heard...I can't find it on the net, so here is my version....

One day at the retirement home, Bob, a 84 year old man, spies Mary across the cafeteria...Mary is a quite attractive 80 year old woman...anyway, Bob approaches Mary, and whispers in her ear..

"I'll give you a hundred bucks to make love with me tonight in my room.."

Well, old Mary looks him up and down and says, "I'm shocked that you would ask me such a thing! No, of COURSE I won't come to your room for sex!"

Well, the next day, old Bob sees her again, and approaches her..."Mary, you are SO GORGEOUS, I'll give you 200 dollars to have sex with me tonight in my room...."

Mary, still quite perturbed, says, "NO, you old pervert, LEAVE ME ALONE!"...

Old Bob is not one to be put off, so, the next day he tries again...."Mary, you beauty, I'll give you 500 dollars to come to my room tonight and make love to me..."

Mary eyes him up and down...asks him how old he is....and secretly, to herself, thinks about all the stuff she could buy with that 500 bucks....so, she says to Bob..."OK, Bob...meet me in my room at midnight, and we'll make mad, passionalte love...and don't forget to bring the money..."

Later that night, Bob arrives at Mary's door, and when he opens the door, he sees that Mary is already in bed, he turns off the light, strips down, and jumps into bed with her....after 15 minutes, Bob rolls off Mary and says...

"Mary, that was the best sex I've ever had...you were soooo tight!! If I'd known you were a virgin, I'd have given you a 1000 dollars!!

Mary rolls over and says to Bob..."If I'd known you could have gotten it up, I'd have taken my pantyhose off"..

baaaa dump dump....yeah welll...I thought it was funny...

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by Eric on Oct 24, 2003 | Comments(5) | TrackBack (3) | Jokes
» Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon links with: The Champagne Room
» Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon links with: The Champagne Room
» Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon links with: The Champagne Room

A Show you GOTTA see

Man, I hate those damn "reality shows"...I really, REALLY hate them....but THIS ONE might be on to something...Hell, I'd PAY to see Tammy Fay and the Hedgehog have breakfast together...now THAT would be interesting...

The former televangelist's wife and the porn king will live in the house and act as hosts for 11 days. They'll have four other roommates: rapper Vanilla Ice "CHiPs" actor Erik Estrada, former "Baywatch" actress Traci Bingham and "Real World: Las Vegas" cast member Trishelle. They'll also have a celebrity guest move in each week on the reality show, which began shooting Monday.

My money is on the Hedgehog doin' 'em ALL in eleven days.....now, just picture THAT in your mind...DANG....

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Bad Joke of the Day

Walter Smith is standing at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through his Big Book to see if Walter is worthy of entering.

Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to him: "You know, Walter, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, then again, it appears that you never did anything really bad either. Tell you what I'll do, if you can tell me of just one REALLY good deed that you did during your lifetime, you're in."

Walter thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a large group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor young girl. I slowed down to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

"Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron from the trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me.

"So, I rip the leader's chain off his face and smash him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turn around and yell to the rest of them and say: 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all just a bunch of sick, sex crazed, deranged animals! Go home before I have to teach all of you lesson in real pain!'"

St. Peter, quite impressed, says: "Really? That's absolutely wonderful of you! Now when did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

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Gatlinburg Boozefest

This weekend, I will be incommunicado...I'll be living the highlife in a gorgeous mountain chalet in Gatlinburg....where the only thoughts that cross my mind are if I should be drinking more, hot-tubbing more, eating more, smoking more, or playing more guitar...yeah, I know.....I'm a BASE person at heart...

The trees are really starting to turn up here, and the view should be incredible...Autumn is my favorite season...cool, crisp mornings....clear, starry skies at night...oooooh yeah...in a way, I think I'll miss playing with this new blog over the weekend....now that I'm on MT, blogging seems so much more fun...I can actually say that this blog is MINE...no blogspot ending tacked onto my domain name...MINE...I like that....I like that A LOT...

Of course, NEXT weekend is going to be a first as well....next week, I get to meet some REAL bloggers down in Georgia....so far, I'm the only blogger I've ever seen in real life....but then again, how do you KNOW if someone you meet in the supermarket is a closet blogger?...hmmmm.....All I know is, I sure as HELL don't tell anyone ELSE that I do this...

Anyway, I just hope I can FIND Dahlonega....so, for the rest of the bloggers that are meeting up down there, if I ain't there by 4 o'clock, you'd better send out a search team, because I'm broke down somewhere...

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Top Pickup Lines...

I was just over at the Cyber Saloon, and lemme tell ya, it was SHOCKING....about half of the patrons were getting smacked by lovely ladies, and the OTHER half were being invited back to the Champagne Room for some..*quiet time*......I was listening pretty close, and here are the lines they were using...over at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon...can you guess which members of the Corner of the Bar Gang go with these pick-up lines??

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.

7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?

8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

15. Are those real?

16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.

20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

22. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?

23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes

Courtesy of Strange Cosmos....

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by Eric on Oct 24, 2003 | Comments(5) | Jokes

Goodnight Everyone..

Scotland is proCEEDing to kick butt..and the wife is squealing like a pig at every point they score...so, I have to go in there .....uh....and "distract" her....sorry...duty calls...heh.....

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Steaks are Tasty...

Weeeell.. folks, just let me tell ya...It feels REALLY nice to have your own spot...no one to boss you around....it feels even BETTER when you have a belly full of medium-rare steak, and quite a few large drinks of Scotch...hell, I don't even mind that Scotland is kicking the ever-lovin' SHIT out of the USA in Rugby right now...why?...why, you may ask?....well, I've got a good buzz...and a brand new website...ahhhhhhhhhh.......I love it ...

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Gotta go cook some Steak

HA!! Sorry about not putting the rest of my blogroll on...the Wife just informed me that I gotta go and fire up the grill and throw some steaks on...of course, I'm not complaining...heh....anyway, tonight on Fox Sports World, the Rugby is on, so I might not be back tonight to finish up here...but, I WILL get my blogroll completed as soon as possible...I promise...

by the way, tonight is Scotland Vs. USA...and I already know the score...looks like I'm gonna have to listen to the Wife sing "Flower of Scotland" all weekend...dammit....

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I can't friggin' believe it...THANKS goes out to KING OF FOOLS for helping me....and Wizbang for pointing me in the direction of 1and1...YEEEE HAAAA!!!!

now...I just gotta figure out how to get my old blogger stuff imported over here....oooohhhh yeah....

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