Here goes....if I fucked this up in a major way, blame someone else, I don't wanna hear your shit...it's NEW YEAR'S EVE for crying out loud... ....and awaaay we gooooooooooooo!!....by the way, if you are looking at this in 800X600 resolution, please commence bitching...hehehehe....so, what do you think??
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Seeing as I've been having you all hang around and wait for my site's new clothes...I figured I'd better toss you circling sharks a treat...so...check out this little movie....I think it's a good idea....
Staff Motivation....
Enjoy....and come back later to see the new site...
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Well, it looks like I have to wait till this evening or early New Year's morning for the site's new clothes....hang in there, people....it will be worth waiting for!
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Well, dear...gentle....sweet readers.....Courtesy of Madfish Willies and Pamibe....via HammerHead Blog Designs....I am proud to announce the following.....a proud presentation of..
"Drunken Eye for the Straight Guy"...
Yep...it is true....I was tied down and forced to look at mauve and floral patterns for DAYS by those two....in the end, they told me to shut the hell up, and they proceeded to change Straight White Website in to something a bit more interesting.....
I love their design...and, it will be coming either today or tomorrow....so, comments, suggestions, etc, etc.. are GREATLY appreciated.....the site is designed to be viewed in 1024 X 768...so, adjust the resolution of your monitor to view it properly....
Once again, a HUGE thank you to Michael and Pam for their Herculean efforts!!
Happy Hogmonay everyone!
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Remember the days before digital cameras?....not too long ago, eh?....ahhh...modern technology...it seems that every single day we hear of another new modern time-saver, the latest gadget for our pleasure....why, just yesterday, I was over at The Smoking Toaster...where I read about Bitterman's new wireless experience...of course, the fact that he was graphically describing his "situation" while he was using his new wireless device was a bit disturbing...it was a good story anyway...which, brings me in a round about way to my point about digital cameras...
Back in the days before digital cameras and the internet....I think we were a very repressed people...I heard someone say once, that the Internet had "set us free"...well, they were right...."set us free" from just what, I don't know...but it sure sounds good....as a matter of fact, the only thing that immediately leaps to mind is that the invention of the digital camera has allowed us to take photographs that we normally wouldn't have DARED to take....I mean...we've ALL waited at the photo counter in Wal-Mart and waited for some attendant to hand us our little pile of freshly developed holiday snaps....but.....with a DIGITAL camera, you don't have to WORRY about little Johnny at Wal-Mart seeing your "15th Anniversary Photos"...you know the ones....the ones of that trip you two took to Bermuda?....and that night, after too many Zombies? On the beach? Right there under the stars?....No one around except you, your Darling Wife...and your new digital camera that your 14 year old son bought for the occasion?....Ladies and Gentlemen....THAT is a recipe for disaster....
Here is the deal....ok.....Dad is gonna get home...download those onto his PC....you can see where this is headed, right?.....Momma is in the kitchen cooking dinner for the 14 year old......and Daddy is alone....in a room...with a computer filled with amateur porn of him and his wife on a beach in Bermuda...doing things that only a bad 70's soundtrack should accompany....and he's got an internet connection to the world....
Well....I'll just leave the rest up to your imagination....I'm sure you get the...uh...picture, right?....so, in conclusion...what exactly has the invention of the Internet and Digital Cameras freed us from?....I don't know....I really and truly don't......but it sure as HELL makes the Internet an interesting place.....and don't EVEN get me started on webcams...DAMN!
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there....feel offended?....yeah, I didn't think so...but SHE is....and she went crying to the COPS.....man....people get their feelings hurt tooooooo damn easy these days....so the hell WHAT?...it's JUST a name....if all you have to worry about is someone calling you a name, then you are doing preeeeety damn good...there are a LOT of other things to worry about.....of course, calling someone "Monica", and then mentioning a cigar is a bit much for any civilized man...it may not be illegal...but it is offensive....he certainly deserves a good smack, but not by the courts....
KINGSTON, N.Y. -- Is it sexual harassment to call a young woman Monica Lewinsky?
The court has reinstated a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by former student Inbal Hayut against her professor. Hayut charged her professor at the State University of New York at New Paltz repeatedly compared her looks to former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
The suit claims political science professor Alex Young called Hayut "Monica" in class and once told her that he would give her a cigar later. It was an apparent reference to allegations that President Bill Clinton used a cigar as a sex toy with Lewinsky.
Young hasn't denied the charges. A lower court had tossed out the case, saying the professor's comments were offensive, but not harassment.
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As a youngster, I was blissfully ignorant of the existence of Spike Milligan and the Goon Squad...after all, "British Humor" was not something that was found readily at the local backwoods library....nor did my Mother and Father have a huge collection of Monty Python records which they dragged out every other Friday night...so...I cut my teeth on "American Humor"...The Gong Show still rings in my mind as the absolute pinnacle of American Civilization...Mr. Barris, you rule....
...but...then I arrived in Scotland....Python, of course, was everyone's obsession...Blackadder, however, was my personal favorite....something about Baldrick and his "cunning plans"...but I can't quite pin it down....
Anyway, there were lots of crazy British shows that I came to love...Father Ted was incredible....Tommy Cooper..who I am SURE that Fozzy Bear was impersonating....Jeeves and Wooster was a perfect combination of wit and aristocracy..which is quite uncommon in Britain....and then, Spike Milligan....who wrote one of my very favorite poems...I have absolutely no idea what it means...but, I love it all the same....
On the Ning Nang Nong, by Spike Milligan...
On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!
Heh..have a nice night, kiddies....
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No?....well, if you live in JAVA, then Fluffy ain't coming back anytime soon....why?....because Fluffy is being DIGESTED....by THIS....
JAKARTA, Indonesia (AP) -- Indonesian villagers claim to have captured a python that is almost 49.21 feet (15 meters) long and weighs nearly 992.07 pounds (450 kilograms), a local official said Monday.
..and, of course....
Republika said the snake, which was caught last year but only recently put on public display, eats three or four dogs a month.
Reticulated pythons are the world's longest snakes. They are capable of eating animals as large as sheep, and have been known to attack and consume humans
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Over the weekend.....the Wife and I watched Anger Management....
...man....that movie spoke to me on so many levels....I was moved...I was touched....it made me want another Martini....
...thanks, thanks....I appreciate it....you have just witnessed Eric's FIRST EVER Movie Review....
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Dear Lord.....please....just shoot me now...
"William Shatner has recorded a new album featuring a guest appearance by US punk legend Henry Rollins.
Shatner, who played Captain James T Kirk in the original TV series of Star Trek, has also enlisted Joe Jackson and US country star Brad Paisley to guest on the album.
The album will be produced by Ben Folds, leader of the Ben Folds Five, reports the New York Post.
Shatner is generally acknowledged as having recorded the worst ever version of a Beatles' song.
He released his spoken word cover of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds in 1968."
...dammit...it's TRUE....HERE is a link to the story...I'd give someone a dollar to assasinate TALK to Shatner before he can complete this heinous crime....Cap'n Kirk....we just CANNAE take much MOOOOOOORE!!
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Our postman delivered a small package yesterday evening to Straight White House....from none other than Mrs. Beth Donovan!....the package was opened with much anticipation....and inside was found a small metal tin...decorated in a festive motif...upon opening the tin, the smell of heaven filled the room....What is the smell of heaven?....well, it is hard to describe....but, I'll try....
In my world, Heaven smells of cinnamon....powdered sugar.... pecans.... nutmeg... whiskey... and friendship...
...and that was what was contained in that small, festive tin from Kansas...Thanks to you Beth and John! I must say this though, of the two types of homemade candy you sent, I must choose the Whiskey Balls as my favorite....although...sitting here this morning, the Pecan Balls go VERY well with a nice cup of coffee....
oh...and for those of you who are puzzled by this wonderful gift....it was my "prize" for designing the "Congress of Nekkid Bloggers" logo....thanks again to the Donovan Family!
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Almost a year ago, I got involved in the campaign to get the US Postal Service to issue a stamp in honor of GySgt. John Basilone, USMC. I helped collect signatures on a petition, and then duly mailed my signed petition back to Mr. Jaffe, of the James Paige Det. of the Marine Corps League....well, I have just been notified that many states have decided to name February 19th as John Basilone Day...namely, New Jersey, Maryland, Texas, South Dakota, Tennessee, and Virginia.....it is the goal of the Campaign to get all 50 states to recognize Basilone day, thus putting more pressure on the Postal Service.
For those of you who don't follow the above link, Gunny Basilone was awarded the Medal of Honor on Guadalcanal in 1942....the Corps sent him home to sell War Bonds, and touted him as a hero...he felt guilty that he wasn't helping the troops with the fighting, so he volunteered to go back to combat, and was killed on the first day of the invasion of Iwo Jima in February '45. He was awarded the Navy Cross posthumously.
If you choose to sign the petition, please do so HERE...
If you choose to write your Governor/Senator to ask them why your state hasn't made February 19th John Basilone day, go HERE for a sample letter...
The bravery, self-sacrifice, and pure heroism of Gunny Basilone is a shining example....in the face of todays world events....of how much we owe to the generations that went before us...a generation that ensured we could live under freedom....a freedom that they purchased with their lives....we all-too-often forget the price that our ancestors have paid....
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No comment....
Nigerian herbalist shot dead as anti-bullet charm fails
Dec 17, 2003
LAGOS (AFP) - A traditional doctor in central Nigeria has been shot dead by a patient who was testing the potency of an anti-bullet charm the herbalist had prepared for him, police told AFP.
Ashi Terfa died when patient Umaa Akor fired a gun at his head two weeks ago in south-central Benue state, police spokesman Bode Fakeye said Wednesday.
"Akor went for an insurance against bullets and contacted Terfa to prepare it for him," he said.
"To confirm its efficacy, the herbalist tied the charm around his neck and insisted that Akor should fire a gun at him. The experiment proved fatal for the herbalist and his skull was shattered," he added. "He died immediately".
Fakeye said the suspect had appeared in court for culpable homicide, but had been release on bail.
"The motive to kill could not be established against the suspect since the herbalist asked him to shoot to test the charm," he added.
The belief in withcraft and charms is rife in Africa.
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My genealogy is a mixed bag...Scots...Irish ..English..Cherokee...Dutch...Choctaw...and who knows-what-else....but....TODAY, the genes of my Irish fore bearers bubbled to the top....today, I am truly an Irishman....
This morning...I went hunting with a friend of mine..the Wife was back to work today, and I didn't feel like watching more Yuletide Television..and NO ONE is blogging the Holidays....so, I'd decided last week that he and I should escape to the woods for a day....Whitetail season is still open here in Tennessee, but after discussing our failures of the past season, we decided to go out today and thin down the local Coyote population..screw those fickle Whitetails...Besides, we'd be doing the local citizens a service....local cats have been disappearing fairly regularly for the past year in our community...culprits?....Coyotes...evidently, they don't just like Roadrunners....
So, at the appointed time, we met up at 0645 at the local Valley Mart, bought some coffee and biscuits, and he followed me to the undisclosed location.....a location, which now lives in legend....
The frost was thick on the ground when we started walking from our cars into the field....the trusty old Audi said that the outside temp was 21 degrees, and it felt like it...the ground crunched every time we took a step....I knew that we'd be covering some pretty rough territory, so I was carrying my Marlin .44mag Rifle...short, compact, and packs a helluva wallop at close range...he brought along a 30.06 with a scope...I knew the location we'd be hunting...hell, I'd grown up there...and, a scope was not something that you'd need....the undergrowth there refused to give you a shot of more than 15yds....but, anyway, that is of no consequence....now, evidently my hunting partner was a Master at calling Coyotes in real close...close enough to make it exciting when one jumps from a bush 30ft away expecting a wounded rabbit, and instead, gets a 320gr .44mag in the noggin....anyway, "master caller" he may very well be....but he wasn't today....we didn't see, hear, smell, or otherwise get NEAR a damn Coyote....all we saw were tracks and a few recent kills...."master caller" ...my ass...
Here is what we DID see....
1. Within 5 minutes of beginning the hunt at dawn, we spooked 3 Whitetail Doe that had been resting on the trail that I always used to head into this wilderness....when we spooked them, they were no more than 40yds away...we just stood and gaped like idiots as those beautiful white tails of theirs flashed away through the woods....
2. We arrive at the first location, and he begins calling in the Coyotes....5 minutes, nothing....10 minutes....nothing....and then, I see another deer....this time, it is in the next field over...casually walking along....so, I point it out to him...he takes out the binoculars, and says...."Holy JESUS, that's a BIG BUCK"...yep....that's what he said....but, it was over 600yds away, so taking a shot at it was not going to happen....15 minutes...calling....nothing....so, we decide to move....
3. Arrive at third location....begin calling....10 minutes....nothing.....15 minutes...nothing....screw this, let's go somewhere else, Mr. Master Caller...heh..
4. We sneak up a trail to the edge of a dense thicket...the trail was lined with small cedars, and moving along that trail....that was covered with cedar needles was as quiet as walking on a carpet....we set up....me on the left of the trail...25 feet from him......He on the right, looking towards a small stand of hardwoods....and he makes his first call....and all hell breaks loose....a Doe had been resting 50 feet from where we were....when he blows his "animal in distress" call, that Doe goes nuts...she snorts....she stomps....hell, she even ran up to within 20 feet of him...so, for the next 5 minutes, I watch as he plays with this crazy deer....she snorts and runs 10ft....he calls....she stomps, snorts, and runs another 10ft in the opposite direction....she had absolutely no idea what he was....she musta thought his call sounded like a fawn or something....anyway...once she'd ran off, we packed up camp and drove back to my house....
5. On the way to my house....which is LESS THAN FIVE MILES from the undisclosed location....TWO DEER....a buck AND a doe...ran across the road in front of my car....I nearly ran the bastards over......
6. Never in my entire life..have I seen so many damn deer in one day...7 deer...it was incredible....it was crazy...and we didn't even get CLOSE to a damn Coyote...
My Irish side percolated to the top today, Ladies and Gentlemen....I now know the true meaning of "The Luck of the Irish".....If I'd been hunting Whitetails, there would have been a whole damn HERD of Coyotes howling at the moon under my tree stand....but instead....I have to report this sad tagline to my story...
...no animals were harmed in the making of this post....dammit....
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I just found this over HERE....and I though I'd share...
"When you guys get home and face an antiwar protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."
-Commanding General 1st Marine Division
Thanks, Doc!
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"Man cleared after calling policeman 'asshole'
A Norwegian man escaped punishment for calling a policeman an asshole after a court ruled the insult was coarse but not illegal.
Indre Sogn county court decided police officers should be able to deal with such abuse and acquitted the man.
The officer at the centre of the incident said the man terrorised him during a late night call to his home, reports Nettavisen.
The 42-year-old man reportedly told the officer: "I think you are an asshole. Have a nice evening."
The officer wanted the man sentenced because he said he engaged in "scary or annoying behaviour or other inconsiderate behaviour which violated another person's peace".
However the judge disagreed and cleared the defendant, saying: "It is publicly known that the description asshole has been used in public on a high political level without it having any legal consequences."
sorry....hehehe...I just thought it was funny....sounds like that cop IS an asshole idiot....
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I swear...sometimes you just can't make this crap up....
"Serial robber uses pencil-drawn moustache as disguise
The FBI are hunting a bank robber who's struck eight times this year with only a pencil-drawn moustache as a disguise.
The man's latest raid was in the city of Saint Paul, Minnesota, where he robbed a branch of the Retail Employees Credit Union for the second time in three months."
....now....I don't want to be busting on people from Minnesota....but, DAMN....
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....Christmas morning....ahhhh sigh.....my Mother came over and spent last night here...we stayed up late, and opened our gifts at midnight last night....we did this with the intention of sleeping late on Christmas morning...with no gifts to explore at the crack of dawn, we could leisurely awake like civilized people...that was the plan...
At 0700 this morning, my body clock woke me....I crept through the house to start a pot of coffee...as I passed the door leading to the garage, I peeped out to check on Fred and Ginger....normally, they are coiled into their beds, and as they sense my voyeuristic approach, they look up towards the door with half-lidded eyes....as if to say...."go make a pot of coffee and blog...we ain't getting up till 10"....but, this was not the case today...
...I look into the garage....no cats to be seen....instead, I see a strange sight...it looks as if someone has taken a weed-eater to a blooming poinsettia...clumps of red strewn over the entire garage....I stare in disbelief....trying to focus on the scene....identify something...figure out what I am seeing...and then, in a flash, I see a beak....
Fred and Ginger have managed to EACH catch a Cardinal during the night....red feathers, blood, and bits of beak, legs, and something which remains still to be identified, COVER the floor of the garage.....the Wife's little darlings bastards.....have been up to no good during the night....foul murder has been committed at Straight White House on the Eve of Christmas...I open the door, and the two devils appear from underneath the pool-table...I yell a few choice obscenities at them...which doesn't phase them at all....so, I give up..and resign myself to coffee and reading blogs before everyone awakes...
...Looking back on it now,...perhaps they were just trying to get the garage into the Christmas spirit...their own form of decoration....bright red feathers....dark red coagulated blood.....and the silver of the downy under-feathers of their now-devoured victims....as I sit here finishing my first pot of coffee....and contemplating the waffles I am about to partake of....the garage scene this morning was actually quite festive...
Merry Christmas to all of you, and have a safe Holiday....
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You know you are at an interesting party when you meet someone....and they give you their phone number....and at the BOTTOM of the little scrap of paper, they write something like this..."Mark and Susanne's Christmas Party"....when you inquire as to the reason for this, they respond thusly....
"We'll probably get drunk tonight, and when you find this in the morning, you'll have NO IDEA what this number is for, so this is just a reminder.."
Actually, it was quite prophetic...because drunk we did get....I was doing fine on the blend...Dewars, I believe....until the Scotch Goddess showed up with a bottle of 12 year old Macallan...that was the final straw...pure nectar of the Gods it was...but, I digress...
A good time was had by all concerned...much guitar was played..much drunken yelling singing was done....much to the amusement of the sober members of the congregation...and many new friends were alienated made....
Oh, and back to the "number" I was handed? Don't go getting all excited...pervs...
A few months ago, I bought my Brother a Meucci pool cue....the base of the cue is Ivory...I have one just like it, but I wanted to get his customized....so, I had a friend of mine inlay a silver plate into the ivory so I could get his initials engraved on it....well....you may find this hard to believe,....but finding someone who WILL engrave on a piece of silver that is embedded in ivory on a pool cue is damn near impossible....until last night, that is....during the pre-drunk conversation, one young lady mentioned that her father was a master jeweler, or something like that....and he engraved stuff by hand...so, I mentioned the pool cue....and she said that her Father could do it for me...and she gave me her number....see?...anyway, it is going to cost me a damn FORTUNE to get it engraved...but at least that monkey will be finally off my back....somehow, the words "master jeweler" should never be used when my cash is involved...not even at Christmas...
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Sorry for the lack of posting today...today was the last day before the Christmas break, so it was a total mess...loose ends needing to be tied all over the place...anyway, I finally escaped...but, we've been invited to a Christmas shindig in Lenoir City....so, I'll be leaving here any minute....and, if I was a betting man, I'd say I'll be too far gone to post anything else when I get back...heh....I promise to be fresh in the morning, though....and post like a wild mongoose on crack the first part of Christmas Eve...
In the meantime, I'll leave you with an old favorite....yep...you guessed it...Robert Service time again.....as usual, read this out loud...it helps with getting the rhyme and timing down....and, if you are overheard, people will think you've lost your mind...feel sorry for you...and rush out to buy you a last minute present to cheer you up.....hey, it could happen...so, here we go, kiddies...
The Ballad of Blasphemous Bill, by Robert W. Service
I took a contract to bury the body of blasphemous Bill MacKie,
Whenever, wherever or whatsoever the manner of death he die --
Whether he die in the light o' day or under the peak-faced moon;
In cabin or dance-hall, camp or dive, mucklucks or patent shoon;
On velvet tundra or virgin peak, by glacier, drift or draw;
In muskeg hollow or canyon gloom, by avalanche, fang or claw;
By battle, murder or sudden wealth, by pestilence, hooch or lead --
I swore on the Book I would follow and look till I found my tombless dead.
For Bill was a dainty kind of cuss, and his mind was mighty sot
On a dinky patch with flowers and grass in a civilized boneyard lot.
And where he died or how he died, it didn't matter a damn
So long as he had a grave with frills and a tombstone "epigram."
So I promised him, and he paid the price in good cheechako coin
(Which the same I blowed in that very night down in the Tenderloin).
Then I painted a three-foot slab of pine: "Here lies poor Bill MacKie,"
And I hung it up on my cabin wall and waited for Bill to die.
Years passed away, and at last one day came a squaw with a story strange,
Of a long-deserted line of traps 'way back of the Bighorn range,
Of a little hut by the great divide, and a white man stiff and still,
Lying there by his lonesome self, and I figured it must be Bill.
So I thought of the contract I'd made with him, and I took down from the shelf
The swell black box with the silver plate he'd picked out for hisself;
And I packed it full of grub and "hooch," and I slung it on the sleigh;
Then I harnessed up my team of dogs and was off at dawn of day.
You know what it's like in the Yukon wild when it's sixty-nine below;
When the ice-worms wriggle their purple heads through the crust of the pale blue snow;
When the pine trees crack like little guns in the silence of the wood,
And the icicles hang down like tusks under the parka hood;
When the stove-pipe smoke breaks sudden off, and the sky is weirdly lit,
And the careless feel of a bit of steel burns like a red-hot spit;
When the mercury is a frozen ball, and the frost-fiend stalks to kill --
Well, it was just like that that day when I set out to look for Bill.
Oh, the awful hush that seemed to crush me down on every hand,
As I blundered blind with a trail to find through that blank and bitter land;
Half dazed, half crazed in the winter wild, with its grim heartbraking woes,
And the ruthless strife for a grip on life that only the sourdough knows!
North by the compass, North I pressed; river and peak and plain
Passed like a dream I slept to lose and I waked to dream again.
River and plain and mighty peak -- and who could stand unawed?
As their summits blazed, he could stand undazed at the foot of the throne of God.
North, aye, North, through a land accurst, shunned by the scouring brutes,
And all I heard was my own harsh word and the whine of the malamutes,
Till at last I came to a cabin squat, built in the side of a hill,
And I burst in the door, and there on the floor, frozen to death, lay Bill.
Ice, white ice, like a winding-sheet, sheathing each smoke-grimed wall;
Ice on the stove-pipe, ice on the bed, ice gleaming over all;
Sparkling ice on the dead man's chest, glittering ice in his hair,
Ice on his fingers, ice in his heart, ice in his glassy stare;
Hard as a log and trussed like a frog, with his arms and legs outspread.
I gazed at the coffin I'd brought for him, and I gazed at the gruesome dead,
And at last I spoke: "Bill liked his joke; but still, goldarn his eyes,
A man had ought to consider his mates in the way he goes and dies."
Have you ever stood in an Arctic hut in the shadow of the Pole,
With a little coffin six by three and a grief you can't control?
Have you ever sat by a frozen corpse that looks at you with a grin,
And that seems to say: "You may try all day, but you'll never jam me in?"
I'm not a man of the quitting kind, but I never felt so blue
As I sat there gazing at that stiff and studying what I'd do.
Then I rose and I kicked off the husky dogs that were nosing round about,
And I lit a roaring fire in the stove, and I started to thaw Bill out.
Well, I thawed and I thawed for thirteen days, but it didn't seem no good;
His arms and his legs stuck out like pegs, as if they were made of wood.
Till at last I said: "It ain't no use -- he's froze too hard to thaw;
He's obstinate, and he won't lie straight, so I guess I got to -- saw."
So I sawed off poor Bill's arms and legs, and I laid him snug and straight
In the little coffin he picked hisself, with the dinky silver plate,
And I came nigh near to shedding a tear as I nailed him safely down;
Then I stowed him away in my Yukon sleigh, and I started back to town.
So I buried him as the contract was in a narrow grave and deep,
And there he's waiting the Great Clean-up, when the the Judgment sluice-heads sweep;
And I smoke my pipe and I meditate in the light of the Midnight Sun,
And sometimes I wonder if they was, the awful things I done.
And as I sit and the parson talks, expounding of the Law,
I often think of poor old Bill -- and how hard he was to saw.
Well, if you are still reading down this far, I'll just tell you a little bit about this poem...it is my favorite....believe it or not, I recite this one when I get really drunk...just ask Donnie...I started to do it at the Blogmeet, but, alas, 8 hours of drinking had taken their toll on me....so, he and his Bride were spared....dangit..
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Run over to Velociman's blog and give him a quick poke....He's almost there, and every little contribution helps...after all, 'Tis the Season to give....
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Sorry....these were just too good to pass up....heh...
Santa Pick Up Lines
#1: Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
#2: Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
#3: I've got something special in the sack for you!
#4: Ever make it with! a fat guy with a whip?
#5: I know when you've been bad or good... so let's skip the small talk!
#6: Some of my best toys run on batteries... (wink wink!!!)
#7: Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? Well, that's what Mrs. Claus calls it.
#8: I see you when you're sleeping and you don't wear any underwear.
#9: Screw the "NICE" list... I've got you on my "NAUGHTY" list, Babe!!!
#10: Wanna join the "Mile High Reindeer" club?
Found at Strange Cosmos..
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Sam and I have been having a quick commentary in the comments of a post......I know....I know....but, it reminded me of a dream I had during the war....it bothered me so much, that I printed off this poem by Wilfred Owen....and read it out loud to the workmates at lunch one day...
...Every morning....every goddamn morning during the war, I'd wake up and watch the news...hoping...PRAYING ....that no one had used WMDs....especially the gases that Saddam was known to have had....so....ladies and gentlemen..I give you a little Owen....
Dulce Et Decorum Est....
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned out backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame, all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!--An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams before my helpless sight
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin,
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs
Bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
Wilfred Owen....first published in 1921...of course, he was dead by then..
This is NOT meant as an Anti-War post....it is meant as an Anti-WMD post....
In the latin...the translation of the title "Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori.....is....."It is sweet and proper to die for one's country."...
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Alright, dammit...anyone got a friggin' CLUE about blogshares?....I was asked to sign up for it by a reader, and now, I'm 100% lost....even worse, I was gifted some shares by a blog....and I can't READ it....people...have mercy on me....gimme me a holiday helping hand.........
here is the SITE that I was gifted with their shares....anyone speak this language?....I'm sure there has to be some motivated 2675s..or other intel linguists out there who can help out.....so...c'mon...give a poor. old, broke-down, stock-inept jarhead a break....after all...it IS the season of giving...heh...Hillbilly, you work on wallstreet, right?....Blackfive? Didn't you get some language courses during your SF training?...Geoffrey? I know you're listed on blogshares too.....damn....maybe I'm just out of luck....help me out here, guys....trading stock and foriegn languages don't mix well....they are too similar...
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