...I'm off to Nashville this morning to visit my Brother.. I haven't seen him in about a month, so I'm driving over.. He called me a few days ago, and we talked about his situation.. much more lightheartedly than before.. I guess we all handle things differently as the mood hits us..anyway, after talking for a while, I suddenly remembered my Zevon... (by the way, this is NOT worksafe) .. I stuck it in the CD player, and we had a good ole laugh.. sometimes, all you CAN do is have a laught at life and the little curveballs it throws ya.... my Bro is one hard dude... hard in the way my Father was.. heh.. he got a tattoo a few years ago on his forearm that says "Soldier".. When I asked him why he got it, since he'd never served, he told me that... to him, the word Soldier meant someone who can "endure".. I guess looking at his arm helps him steady his keel sometimes... kinda like the last verse of that song... "Ya just can't quit"... anyway, I'm off to Nashvegas after I finish this pot of coffee..
..as usual, I am including the lyrics in case you kiddies want to sing along to my Bro's new themetune....heh...
Warren Zevon, Zevon Music BMI
Well, I went to the doctor
I said, "I'm feeling kind of rough"
Let me break it to you, son
Your shit's fucked up."
I said, "my shit's fucked up?"
Well, I don't see how--"
He said, "The shit that used to work--
It won't work now."
I had a dream
Ah, shucks, oh, well
Now it's all fucked up
It's shot to hell
Yeah, yeah, my shit's fucked up
It has to happen to the best of us
The rich folks suffer like the rest of us
It'll happen to you
That amazing grace
Sort of passed you by
You wake up every day
And you start to cry
Yeah, you want to die
But you just can't quit
Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit
Show comments »
....well...not ACTUALLY....but, I can certainly relate to THIS.... of course, I have a very long list of people that I'd LIKE to mail a copperhead....
"Bob Sam Castleman, an attorney and former city judge in Pocahontas, Arkansas, and his son, Jerrod, were charged with mailing a cardboard box containing a venomous copperhead snake to a neighbor with whom they had feuded. The two pleaded guilty in federal court on Wednesday.
The wife of the man to whom the poisonous package was addressed opened the box and saw the snake, about 28 inches (71 cm) long, slither out. Police soon arrived on the scene in Pocahontas, about 140 miles (225 km) northeast of Little Rock, and shot the snake dead. "
Show comments »
Finally....a workout I might be able to handle....AIR GUITAR!!
"US dance tutor Laila Hardman says by mimicking the likes of Slash and Eddie Van Halen people can develop all the major muscle groups.
She says by recreating the Townshend Windmill, the Angus Young Shuffle, the May Mosh and the Parfitt Sway to high-tempo rock music participants can have a "full-on cardo-vascular work-out."
The instructor says the work-out has been modelled on Punk Rock Aerobics which has become popular in New York.
Ms Hardman said: "It works all the major muscle groups paying particular attention to the legs and the upper body, as elements of the class will incorporate free weights to mimic the weight of a real guitar."
Show comments »
...my car was due for a service on Monday....so, I called the dealership, and scheduled an appointment for my baby on Thursday...at 1pm...at Harper's Audi in Knoxville... the Wife drives over to where I work this afternoon, and I give her a tour of the plant... she's never visited before, and my co-workers are all freaking out about getting to meet her....heh....she enjoyed the attention.. anyway, we drove into town and had lunch... and she dropped me off at work, and we exchanged keys... she would drive my car to Knoxville, and I'd drive hers home in the afternoon....
...as she pulled away in my A4... with 6-speed Audi Tiptronic Transmission, I suddenly realized that her car was a 5-speed manual.... it hit me like a brick wall.. I've not driven a manual transmission car in 5 years!.. I wonder if I'll stall at some redlight and look like a weenie... oh, the horror... but, at the same time, I realized that it didn't matter... I had no choice...so, I might as well give'er a try...
...Damn, people, I had FUN on the way home... I had totally forgotten what a pleasure it was to drive a stickshift.. especially on the curvy backroads of East Tennessee...I ragged her little car out on every curve...down-shifting and punching her little wagon, with wild abandon, into each bend....hell, I've said before that I drive relaxed and calm...and slow....and, I enjoy it...but, that's in MY car....it is a pleasure to sit in it...smell it...feel the leather...hear the Bose audio...my car is a dream... you WANT to drive slow and enjoy the ride...
..HER car, on the other hand, is a nightmare.. empty potato chip wrappers are piled chest-high in the passenger seat.. the passenger side floorboard is cluttered with empty Reeses Cup wrappers and old bean dip containers.. even the occasional Vogue magazine lies amongst the flotsam somewhere....but the shifter?... it's there... and the racing steering wheel?... it's there... that car SCREAMS to be thrashed...
..the last time I drove a manual car, it was my old A4 back in Scotland.. the steering wheel was on the OTHER side...so, I had to adjust my shifting techniques to my other hand.. I got used to driving like that... and today, it was an awakening.... it reminded me of my first "newish" car... a 1987 Mustang.... I'd had two cars before it... my first was a 1951 Merc... my second was a 1951 Ford... I threw a rod on the Ford, and my Mother told my Father and I that we'd reached the end of our "old car tinkerings".... so, I bought the Mustang... anyway, today, driving along and changing gears with the CORRECT hand, it took me back to my old Mustang.... wow....what a blast....
...so... I get home tonight.. and my freshly groomed A4 is sitting in the drive sparkling like a new diamond... I walk inside, and the Wife is washing dishes that were left over after our guests left last night.... and, she looks up at me with the most mournful eyes you've ever seen...
"What's wrong?", I ask..
"Your car....I'm afraid I'm fallling in love with it...it has so much power....and it just glides...and it's so quiet.", she says...
"Wow! That's funny! I was just going to tell you how much I enjoyed driving YOUR car today! I really liked swinging into those curves! I'd totally forgotten how much fun it was to drive a stick-shift!"
"Wanna swap?", she grins...
"heh, not on your life, baby..."
...She threw a handful of soap suds at me.... but... I really DID enjoy driving her car today...I guess variety really IS the spice of life....
Show comments »
....with Anna-Marie Lever.....check THIS out....
"Ever taken a girl to a fancy restaurant in hope of some action in return?
Male striped ground crickets, Allonemobius socius, go one step further and let females chew off their tibial spur and suck out their hemolymph. The female crickets’ equivalent of posh nosh. Transferred along with this nutritious gift, the spermatophore, is the male’s sperm. Sagebrush cricket males even let their females chew their hind wings and lap up the blood that oozes forth during copulation.
The presentation of food to a mate during courtship or copulation is called nuptial feeding. It is almost always the male who gives food to the female. A male can benefit from this investment if he attracts more females or if, by fattening up his mate, he sires healthier offspring. It may also deflect unwanted cannibalistic attention through ‘mate guarding’ as a looked after female will stay with her mate.
The bigger the gift the more accommodating the female may become. Males bearing small gifts are often punished by not being allowed to copulate for long. This might explain why the hunting spider, Pisaura mirabilis, the only spider known to give gifts, takes the trouble to gift wrap the present of a dead fly in silk. The more silk, the more time the female takes to feed, even when the meal is paltry.
Gifts may take all sorts of forms. The female tropical cockroach, Xestoblatta hamata, feasts on anal secretions produced by their mates after sex. Balloon fly males use toys to keep their females interested. The males make the female a large white silk balloon to play with while they make love.
Some females may also do anything to keep their ideal man, including providing refreshments on tap. In the Zeus bug, Phoreticovelia diaparate, this comes in the form of secretions from glands situated on the female’s back, precisely where a mounted male’s mouthparts rest. The male latches onto the female and she carries him around doing all the housekeeping chores including scavenging for food on the surface of rivers. It is still unclear why the female is so hospitable, maybe in fear of being eaten by the carnivorous insect stuck to her back. Appropriately, Zeus bugs are named after the Greek God, who consumed his first wife, Metis. She’d probably forgot the dirty dishes or something."
Show comments »
...a dog....left front leg? ...gone.... right rear leg?... gone.... what does it spend all day doing?....HERDING SHEEP!!!....damn, only in NZ, people...even their DOGS are hardcore....
A New Zealand farmer is using his two-legged border collie to round up sheep.
Ian McDonald, of Maungati, says six-year-old Meg can still move with ease round a small flock.
She responds to Mr McDonald's instructions and whistles around the sheep, but drops down the moment she stops running.
..and....
The farmer says many other farmers may not have kept her but there was something about her personality that made him spend several thousand dollars on the operations. He added: "She's a bloody dear dog but she is strong-eyed and does the job."
His wife, Joy, says since Meg had her second leg amputation she moved a lot easier and seemed happier
Show comments »
hmmm...I wonder what The Commissar has to say about THIS?...heh...
"A Russian air force general landed his MiG fighter jet on its belly after forgetting to lower the landing gear and was forced to eject to safety.
"The pilot forgot to put the landing gear down," Russian Air Force chief Colonel General Vladimir Mikhailov said.
He said that an empty additional fuel tank suspended under the fighter's fuselage helped cushion the impact, and the jet suffered minimal damage during the landing at a military airbase in the southern Rostov region."
Show comments »
Okey dokey, children....I was listening to some old Buffett on the way home from work yesterday....and, I suddenly realized that I hadn't spread any linky love around lately...don't blame me, my MT install is hammered....and, as a result, my trackbacks haven't been working....so, this may be an exercise in futility...which wouldn't surprise me....most things around here are just that, but that's beside the point....so...without further delay, here is my Wednesday Link Orgy™ ...enjoy, kiddies....oh, and if you get linked in here under something totally weird, please be gentle with your hatemail...I was drinking when I did this...
This Hotel Room...as performed by Mr. Buffett...
Written by Steve Goodman, 1975
This hotel room’s gotta lotta stuff
Laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth
Thirty two hangers and a touch tone phone
Well a light that comes on when I ain’t home
I ain’t home
I ain’t home
You better leave a message ’cause
I ain’t home
They got an air conditioner for when I’m hot
A radiator for when I’m not
Two big chairs sittin’ side by side
With a holy Bible and the tv guide
Tv guide
The tv guide
Great God almighty
It’s the tv guide
I gotta second story view from curb to curb
I gotta sign that reads do not disturb
A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice
A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies
Mirror that lies
A mirror that lies
That couldn’t be me
In the gorilla disguise
They got a room service menu for food and drink
A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink
Two big pillows to rest my head
A magic fingers and a king-size bed
Put in a quarter
Turn out the light
Magic fingers makes ya feel alright
Uh feel alright
Feel alright
Magic fingers makes you feel alright
Uh this ol’ hotel’s all right with me
They pay the postage if you lose the key
This hotel room’s gotta lot of stuff
But I do believe I’ve had enough
Called my baby said don’t you pout
I’m packin’ my bags and I’m checkin’ out
Just as soon as you hang up the telephone
Stick a candle in the window I’m comin’ home
Comin’ home
Uh comin’ home
Stick a candle in the window
I’m comin’ home
Show comments »
...sorry, folks....I had a big ole linky fest that I was working on....but, I got distracted by a phonecall from my Brother....now, I'm depressed as hell, and I can smell lasagna in the kitchen....I can't blog tonight....I want to, but I can't ...all I can say is go... right fucking now, and buy Staind's "Outside"... and Three Doors Down "Here Without You"....I'm gonna get hammered and eat lasagna...my Bro is in a very dark place right now...darker than most of us could imagine....and, I want to be with him, but I can't.....I've blogged before about "long distance relationships"...."helplessness"..... "distance" ....and a lot of other shit regarding feelings and pain... ..but... that's all just candy.. you and I.... we REALLY don't know what pain and loss is... sometimes, we THINK we do... but, until it is squatting in YOUR backfuckingyard, I guess we'll not understand... hell, I don't understand now.. but, I want to.... but I can't... so....there....no bloggin tonight... g'night, campers....
Show comments »
The things some people will go through....THIS GUY destroyed his own body for a documentary....sheesh....although...I think it would have been more entertaining if he'd chosen Taco Bell.....
Show comments »
....a few nights ago, The Wife and I watched "Sleepless in Seattle"...a few days later, we watched "You've Got Mail"....word up....don't watch those two movies that close to each other...it will throw a major mindjob on you...sitting here now, it is STILL hard to remember which was which...
..anyway, last night, we watched "The Shop Around the Corner"...with Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullivan...the "You've Got Mail" story was based on this one....and, friends and neighbors, I'm here to tell ya...Tom Hanks doesn't deserve to wipe Stewart's ASS...that movie rocked...
..the down-side was that the movie came on TCM kinda late...so...I was Scotched-up enough to begin to equate their "letters" to blogging...and, even to stuff I wrote back when I was a pup in high school...I told my wife about a journal I kept way-back-when...back then, I was madly in love with a girl named Lisa the whole time I was in school....she was incredible....cheerleader, of course....I had the same college-bound English class that she did...although, I never actually went to college, but that's another story....
...I never even spoke to her directly the whole time I was in school...she was the unattainable....she was the shining jewel on the pedestal....at least to me....in retrospect, if I'd had the balls to walk up to her and ask her out..take my chances, so to speak...I might have whisked her away on my arm....but, that is not the point of this, and it was NOT the point of it then....I wanted her to be the unattainable prize...I NEEDED her to be the thing that I couldn't get....couldn't have....I don't know why, but I liked our one-way relationship better that way....
..I wrote poetry about her...for her...beCAUSE of her....and she never knew....I filled a notebook with poems of her....and she never knew....but, more importantly, I didn't WANT her to know at the time...Hell, I'd been reading the classical romantics at the time, and maybe I was getting a little too inspired by them...but, I found comfort in worshipping her from afar.....and, on the last day of school...before we graduated....I wrote her a note...anonymous, of course....and left the journal in her locker...
....two days later, I was bound for Parris Island...and, I've never spoken to her to this day...
...while watching "The Shop Around the Corner", I mentioned my little journal to my Wife....earlier in our courtship, I had written poems to my Wife as well....but, as I told her about my story, she smiled and asked....."what did you write?", ...I suddenly stumbled to find the words..."I wrote about the Elm trees in my back yard....once, I had a dream...and I woke up, and wrote...'I sometimes see you standing in the moonlight...beneath the Elms'"...she raised herself onto her elbows, and said.."mmmm....I know those Elm trees.....how did the rest of it go?"....
...and....there I sat....I didn't remember the rest of the poem....I don't remember ANY of the poems that are in that little journal...I would give anything to have that journal back now...I WANT to know what I said...what I felt...what I imagined....but, it is gone...
What did Lisa do with that handwritten note book?…the one that was mysteriously found in her locker on the last day of school?....the one that no one signed their name to?...did she discard it?....did she keep it?....did she even READ it?...ahhhh......oblivion....
....if you have not seen the original "Shop Around the Corner"....do yourself a favor...rent it...wait till it is on TCM again...whatever....but, make SURE you see it....two people "met" via letters....and the truth of their souls were bared to each other over the written word...none of us have any idea of the power we hold.....sometimes, our words have a deeper impact than we can possibly imagine...sometimes, they have no impact at all, except upon ourselves...but, regardless....our words are OUR words....and we should keep them....if only to remind ourselves later of where we have been...
Show comments »
.....no comment.....
HERE it is...
...just plain crazy....
"JOHANNESBURG, South Africa (Reuters) - South African gunmen staged a daring heist to steal some $14,000 worth of "Chappies" chewing gum, police said Thursday. "We don't know if they were targeting the Chappies specifically or whether they came across the Chappies by chance," police spokesman Thobile Xakeka said"
Show comments »
...THIS has gotta be one of the best descriptions of a "porn shop" owner that I've ever heard......
"On the afternoon of New Year's Eve, Pasch sits in his claustrophobic, bathtub-sized office, equipped with a phone, fax, video player, and small television, which monitors the store. The air is hazy from the Kools he puffs. He's South Florida casual, in shorts and a half-buttoned-up shirt. His head is fleshy and round, with bulging, bloodshot eyeballs, and his eyebrows remain black, though his hair is vanishing and gray. Pasch possesses the gregarious manner of a businessman who relies on personality to win customers. He's not hard to like. "
Show comments »
First off, let me just say that on many levels, I admire the hell out of this guy...and, with that said...on OTHER levels, he's as nutty as a fruitcake.. Having walked quite a bit in Scotland myself...I can attest to the cold, wind, rain, and midges that THIS GUY must have endured...I'd have frozen to death in two days...
A man trying to walk naked from Land's End to John O'Groats has finally reached his goal.
Over the course of his journey Stephen Gough, 44 has been arrested numerous times, made several court appearances and has served two jail sentences.
He began the 900-mile walk about seven months ago as a human rights protest to celebrate the naked human form, and to try to convince the public to stop being paranoid about the naked body.
.....and....
He has spent his time walking, often in near freezing temperatures, wearing only socks, walking boots, his hat and his rucksack. Speaking as he approached his final goal, Mr Gough said he planned to take a dip in the sea, even with today's rain and cold temperatures.
He said: "Quite often there are big points in our lives, such as getting married, when you think 'what am I going to do after that?'
"When that time arrives it can quite often be a bit of an anti-climax and so what I'm trying to do is just try to enjoy walking along and enjoy the moment because getting there is just another moment."
Show comments »
...last night, I saw the culmination of months of planning...result in Total Mission Failure...the Mission? Go to the movies....sounds simple, right? ....well, evidently not...
...the Wife loves to go to the movies...I prefer to wait till it comes out on video...anyway, she decides that she will ask a friend of mine from work to go with her...here is where the fun began...the Wife normally works every second weekend...the Friend has her children every other week...so, it takes them two months to finally get a date nailed down to go out....the date duly arrives, and last night, they met at Straight White House at 5:45pm....the doorbell goes, I wander through and open the door...the Wife rushes out of the bedroom, fresh from finishing her make-up....I exchange a few pleasantries with the ladies...compliment them both on how nice they look...advise them to be safe, and enjoy themselves....and..I also ask them to bring me back a slice of Key Lime Pie from wherever they have dinner...I then, very gently, boot them out the door...
...perfect, thinks I...a night to myself to blog, drink Scotch, and just have a helluva Friday night by myself...and, when the blogging is done, I'll have a nice piece of pie as a midnight snack....I was wrong...
...they decide to have dinner before the movie instead of after...the arrive at Applebee's to find it packed with Friday Night Flotsam...but, they persevere...after 30 minutes, they are seated and eating...they finish their meal, and inquire about my Key Lime Pie....and, Applebee's informs them that they don't have Key Lime Pie...doing their best in damage control, they procure a slice of cheesecake with caramel drizzled over it....
...so, off they whisk to the nearest theater....approaching the aging attendant, they are told that the movie has been playing for 45 minutes....they ask about alternate viewing times, and all are unacceptable...so, they hop into the jeep, and zip over to the other theater across town....heh...the teenybopper attendant told them the same thing...the movies are all half over, and they'll have to wait an hour before the next showing...
...just finishing my first Talisker of my gloriously quiet Friday night, I wander through to the living room...where, I see headlights in the drive...."Could they be back already? Hell, it is only 7:30"....and sure enough, here comes the Wife walking up the path.....
...so, I sat and listened to the drama that had been played out....I poured her a glass of wine, refilled my tumbler with Scotch...and we kicked off our Friday night together...blogging was terminated for the evening...but, now that it is morning, I am amazed when I think back on it...the old BAMCIS acronym comes to mind....it took two months for two women to Begin the planning, Arrange recon, Make recon, Complete the planning, Issue the order, and Supervise....the mission? Go watch a movie, and bring back pie....the result? Total Mission Failure...heheeheh....but, you gotta love those two gals...
Show comments »
....at work today, an email containing a spreadsheet was sent round the office...when you opened the attachment, it asked you to type your name in one of the columns...if you did this, it would display your "perfect job"....I know...pretty cheesy...but, bear with me....you put in your name, and it says things like...."Dog Grooming Specialist"....."Office Snitch"...."Professional Boxer"...and a million and one other things.....so, I put my name in, and it listed my "perfect job" as "Vibrator Tester"....can you believe that?
...anyway...I took this little test about 5 minutes before lunch break...so, I go walking into the conference room for lunch, and all of the women are sitting around the table unwrapping their Subway Sandwiches...discussing THEIR "perfect jobs"....when, behold, one of them asked me what that spreadsheet had told ME....so, I replied, "It hit me RIGHT on the head..my perfect job is "Vibrator Tester"...
....cackles...squeals...half-eaten Subways spewed across the conference table...tears were being wiped away from eyes....it was the total scene, people...
..I just stood there...I couldn't figure out why they thought that was so funny...and THEN, I got it...but, only when one of the girls asked, "So, WHERE were you TESTING the Vibrators?!?! BHWHAHAHA"....
....but...y'all would have been proud of me...I kept my composure...
"You Ladies have it all wrong...when that spreadsheet told me my perfect job, I immediately had a flash-picture in my brain....like a snapshot of me at my perfect job..."....some of the laughter had calmed down, and they were starting to pay attention....
I continued..."I suddenly saw myself in a white lab coat....with a clip board in my hand...and a pocket full of buzzing devices....I was walking down a long line of hospital beds...buxom young female librarians were enjoying the fruits of modern technology....faces buried in their pillows, and their asses in the air...
…as I approached the first one, I took the pen from my pocket and inquired thusly:
Me: Ahhh, I see you chose the Purple Passion with the new rotating function...how do you like it?
Librarian #1: unhhhh .....unggghhhh ....mmmmm... uhhh... ooohhh...
Me: I see, I see....very nice....thank you very much...
...I take a few steps...
Me: Wow….I see you chose the titanium Orgasmatron 200 AND the Pocket Egg....QUITE a combination...I'm impressed....How do you like the results so far?
Librarian #2: oooomigod... oooMIgod.... oooomiiiiGOD... OHHmiiiiiGAWD....
Me: DANG!...How can your legs quiver so much without you actually falling over?...uh...never mind...thanks for your ....uh...input...
I wiped my brow, and said to the rest of the long line of panting librarians, “Remember to drink lots of water...I don't want any of you to be less than fully hydrated for the experiment….and…be honest with your answers….this IS for posterity, you know"
...that’s what I told’em….heh…that was what I pictured…..so...how is it that the minds of Women and Men can grasp something as SIMPLE as "Vibrator Tester"...so differently?...
..I actually think they liked MY version of "Vibrator Tester" better than the one that each of them had imagined...but, I'm not 100% sure....although...I DO believe that dang spreadsheet knows me pretty well...
Show comments »
....a guy's wife has a substance abuse problem....she goes a little off the deep end on New Years....and, he smacks her....now, I don't condone being mean, rude, threatening, violent, or nasty to ANYONE...especially those of the fairer sex....unless...UNLESS they really...REALLY need it....this guy's situation could have been handled differently...but, sentencing him to YOGA CLASSES adds a certain Texas flair to the whole story....I suppose that yoga may indeed calm him down....and, he probably won't smack his wife anymore....which is a good thing.....but, I wonder what his "Anger Management" yoga classes are going to do for HER substance abuse problem?
...I, for one, have certainly needed....and GOTTEN....a good smack upside the head...to help put me back on track...to show me the err of my ways....and correct ungentlemanly behavior in general....sometimes, we ALL need a good smack...but, a huge gulf exists between a smack...and a beating....someone who BEATS someone...doesn't need a smack...they need a knee-capping...and some wall-to-wall counseling...
Show comments »
...simply amazing....
BUCHAREST, Romania (Reuters) -- A team of Romanian and U.S. doctors say they have successfully removed a tumor weighing 175 pounds (80 kilograms) from a woman patient in an operation lasting 10 hours.
Lucica Bunghez, 47, had been largely confined to bed because of the tumor, which weighed almost double her body weight and covered her back, waist and hips.
"She is very well, the lack of the tumor really suits her," Ion Lascar, head of the plastic surgery department of Floreasca Hospital in Bucharest, told reporters on Wednesday.
"The lack of the tumor really suits her"??....that doctor needs smacked...hard....now....
Show comments »
Folks....if you want to seriously fuck yourself up without actually KILLING yourself....cut your Achilles Tendon....you WILL be messed up for the REST of your life....during hand-to-hand combat training, most of the old USMC moves resulted in either a broken arm....or a severed Achilles Tendon....or both....and, friends....taking out the enemy's tendon will render him pretty dang useless....not as useless as if you'd blown his brains out....but, pretty useless as a foot-soldier for the rest of their life....anyway...sorry to keep rambling....but, I just read THIS....and thought I would share....
The clip on A Crow Left of the Murder, to be released on February 3, shows Brandon Boyd wandering through his yard picking up dog poo.
He then slips on a pile he missed and suffers a nasty fall that severs his foot at the ankle, causing a fountain of blood to spurt in the air.
The short film dramatises how Boyd actually severed 90% of his Achilles tendon two months ago. He was in his front yard repotting a tree, and when he lifted the tree he stepped backward onto a large shard of the original broken pot, which severed 90%of his Achilles tendon.
"It not only cut [the tendon], it lifted all of the flesh off the back of my leg," he recently told Los Angeles' KROQ-FM. "A hand-sized piece was shredded."
..I am not familiar with Incubus' music.....but, their choice in bodily injury is PERFECT...you wanna hurt?....yep...THAT'S the way to do it....
Show comments »
Fresh from today's e-mail....and, in a way, in direct rebuttal to THIS....I leave you with...
Everyday I give thanks to my God
that I got a dick and drink like a sod.
I like to play sports, I love to get naked,
Is it our fault that you girls have to fake it?
I own lots of tools and don't mind putting on weight,
when I get ready for a party, my ass is never late.
I can actually drive a car and even change a tire,
my ability to produce children will never expire.
When a male is born, it is clearly heaven-sent,
that's why a woman ain't never been president.
I can pee without squatting, I've slept in a tent,
women's fatal flaw is that they are subservient.
First and foremost, my looks don't govern my life,
When I gain a few pounds, I don't go under the knife.
I don't read the nutrition labels, I like red meat,
if any women objects, she can just take a seat.
I don't own a hairdryer,I brush my hair with my hands,
I am considered the better gender in the majority of lands.
I admittedly desire a mirror on my bedroom ceiling,
I don't go cry when someone hurts my feelings.
Listen to me girls, I need to tell you something right quick,
it pertains to lovemaking and my almighty dick
That thing that you guard like treasure,
Men realize its true purpose is for pleasure.
Right at home is where all women should stay,
Cuz men are the ones that make the real pay.
Just cuz you can speak with prim and proper diction,
Doesn't mean you belong outside of the kitchen!!
yeah, yeah....I know...let the beatings commence....sheesh...it's SATIRE on this site, folks....
Show comments »
..my first Burns Night.....ahhhh....I remember it well....you see, in Scotland, most towns have an annual Burns Night to celebrate the life and poetry of Rabbie Burns...many towns..of any substantial size, have three or more Burns Suppers..the town I lived in...Montrose...had MANY Suppers....some were held in local pubs...some in the townhouse....and, a few were held in local Hotels....THE Burns Supper to ATTEND, was hosted by "The Montrose Burns Club"....of which, the father of my girlfriend had been a former President....He was a Dentist..and a member of the 41 Club...Doctors, Lawyers, the CO of the nearest Naval Base, etc, were invited to THIS Burns Supper....and, it was a high honor to be invited...the Club would offer three or four tickets to the Brass of the base I was on...and the rest had to do without....anyway....to make a long story short, after my soon-to-be-father-in-law invited me, I contacted my SgtMaj to ask his advice....he, of course, reported my invitation to the CO of my Company....who, incidentally, hadn't been invited....and, the report was passed down to me that I would have to dress in full Dress Blues...including sword...as this was a "high" function in the "local" community....and Marines were not often invited...
...my soon-to-be-father-in-law explained the situation to me....he and 8 of his friends would meet at his house...dressed in their kilts and other finery....and have a few drams...we would then have the women of the family drive us to the Hotel....where we would partake of the festivities.....afterwards....on a cold, January, Scottish night...we would WALK through town...and back to our homes...this, evidently, was the tradition of which I was being initiated...fabulous party, plenty of drinks...entertainment...loads of food...some brogue poetry...and then, hypothermia awaited for the walk home...heh....trust the Scots to come up with THAT particular mix of pleasure and pain...
Anyway...that was the plan.... and, at the end of the day...Five US Servicemen attended the Supper that night...A USN Captain...he was commander of the WHOLE BASE I was on...his XO.... and some suck-up LTCDR Chaplain guy...and me...ole Cpl Straight White Guy...and my SgtMaj.... *I convinced my soon-to-be-father-in-law to invite him.... he AND my STBFIL were BOTH happy with this idea*...of course...the OTHER three sat at the top table.... and I was down in amongst the Doctors, Lawyers, and Indian Chiefs....with the SgtMaj...well....we all sat down for our appetizer....haggis, of course....complete with the piper playing the bagpipes, and marching in front of the chef as it was hauled in....and THEN, the recitation....of "Tae A Haggis"...by one of the Soon-To-Be-Presidents....and...Just at the moment of the climax of the poem, he slit open the glorious pudding with his sghean dubh...there was much applauding.... much Scotch consumed.... and much haggis eaten....
Next came the meal..Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding....and then....the speeches....the President called upon someone to give a "Toast to the Lasses"...and then upon another to "Reply on behalf of the Lasses"...of which, I am very sorry to say, none were present....it was a male-only function, you see...Burns having died of Syphilis and all....and the speeches continued...."A Toast to Burns Clubs the World'oer".....inevitably, followed by a "Reply".....and then....the entertainment....while the whole host of party-goers were getting toasty on Rusty Nails and Single Malt, other individuals squirmed their ways through "Holy Willie's Prayer"...the most insightful poem of Human Nature I've ever read.....and "To a Mouse"....a tale about how fragile we all are as humans...
all in all, my first Burns Supper was one of the greatest nights of my life...I really miss the annual January Burns Supper..and, THIS year...I'm having the First Annual SWG Burns Supper here in Tennessee......I miss the comradeship....I miss getting dressed up in a Tuxedo and hobnobbing with the local "gentry".....and, I really miss hearing Burns' poetry being read in the Scottish tongue...it was one of those incredible little bonuses of traveling....that you just happen upon...a true gem..this year, I will be hosting my own little gem....but, I digress....
...later that night....as we walked home through the darkened streets of Montrose...we came to Rose Hill...a small bridge crossing a stream...bordered on one side by a small housing district...and on the other...by a graveyard dating back to the 1600s....I...being me....and armed with a USMC NCO Sword...told the elderly Scotsmen present...that...in our drunken state, we MUST take that BRIDGE....so...drawing my sword from the scabbard, I whirled it over my head like Nathan Bedford Forrest must have done with 2 pints of Scotch in his belly...and yelled..."To Robbie Burns!!!"....and, without thinking, 7 drunken, middle-aged Scotsmen cheered...and suddenly followed me across the stone bridge...
...Exhausted...drunk...and extremely pleased with ourselves after our assault, I sheathed my sword...the police car had just passed, and wasn't likely to turn around at that hour of the night....and, each of us congratulated ourselves for surviving our brave charge across the Rose Hill Bridge at 2AM on January 25th, 1992...a date which will SURELY live in the minds of all present....after we steadied ourselves, we walked the rest of the way home....we arrived to find the women adrift in a sea of wine...seemingly, they had their OWN Burns Night while us MEN were at the Park Hotel....but, they welcomed us, nonetheless...and we went to bed....and, we had sausage and eggs the next morning...
..what I want to get across to you..is the feeling.....I felt so welcome that night...never before have I been so wholeheartedly accepted into a community than I was that night...I attended The Montrose Burns Club's Burns Night for the next 8 years....one more time as an "outsider"...and the rest as that great man's Son-in-Law.....I never missed a meeting....I will miss it this weekend...and for that, Duncan, I am sorry....Absentibus Amicis, Duncan....I wish I was there, my friend...to lead you...John...and Glenn..once again, across the bridge at Rose Hill....
Show comments »
Key West seems to be having a rather unusual problem....thousands of wild chickens are running rampant.....like I said, they seem to have a problem....perhaps I could suggest a SWG BBQ Apron?....hehehe
A city ordinance forbids killing the cluckers, but their growing numbers, plus their tendencies to scratch up yards and defecate where they please, have prompted city officials to plan to move half the chicken population to a bird sanctuary near Tampa.
In response, the chicken-lovers have come out in force. ChickenFest Key West (search) has been scheduled for June 17-20, including a Foghorn Leghorn look-alike contest and a "Poultry in Motion" parade.
"We're definitely not inviting Colonel Sanders to be the grand marshal," Key West Mayor Jimmy Weekley told the Associated Press.
One man pleaded with the city not to go ahead with the plan, according to the Miami Herald, imploring officials to think of the island's children.
"They grow up with computers, with war," he said. "If you take away natural life, our children are going to have a harder time in the world."
Show comments »
This story is just WEIRD....anyone else heard about THIS?...it's full of strange comments like...
"Detectives want to question Hawking about a number of minor injuries he recently suffered."
...and...
"The Daily Mirror reported on Monday that Hawking’s three children feared he might be the victim of someone suffering from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, a disease where sufferers harm others to draw attention to themselves.
“The family are worried sick. They’ve been suspicious for some time that someone has been harming Stephen,” an unnamed source told the newspaper.
The inquiry was triggered when nursing staff contacted police last summer after the professor was left stranded in his wheelchair in the garden of his home on the hottest day of the year and suffered severe heatstroke and sunburn, the Mirror said."
I mean....if someone is hurting him...why doesn't he TELL somone?....personally, if I saw someone tweaking someone in a wheelchair, they'd be in for a stomping...sheesh...
Show comments »
"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee."- - - Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it!".- - - Winston Churchill, in reply
"Do you mind if I smoke?"- - - Oscar Wilde (to Sarah Bernhardt)
"I don't care if you burn.".- - - Sarah Bernhardt, in reply
"You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease."- - - John Montague (to John Wilkes)
"That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."- - - John Wilkes, in reply
courtesy of Strange Cosmos
Show comments »
Juliette was having trouble sleeping.....and creates some wonderfully insighful writing because of it....ahhhh...Juliette...you're a star..
"She used her femininity to figuratively emasculate every man on that panel and those men, being well-indoctrinated into the feminist code, let her do it.
I heard nothing that McDonald said after that and I distinctly recall the words “STFU, B” coming out of my mouth.
We American women are very powerful, likely the most powerful women on Earth ever. We can be nearly anything we want, ability and desire existing. There is much of which we are in control, including how we relate to and with men. With that in mind, we have to ask ourselves many questions. The most important one we all need to ask ourselves is this: do we need to exert and/or increase our power at the expense of the power of the men in our lives? "
Show comments »
There are very few movies that I remember watching with my Father...we usually spent time outdoors instead...building fence...working in the barn...tinkering with a thousand half-broken things in his workshop...but, for some reason, sitting down with him and watching a movie...or TV...just never happened...he was always busy with his hands...always moving...always working...heh, I believe he was an artist at heart...even if some of his "art" was a little on the intimidating side...he made it for himself...and gave it away gladly to admirers at the drop of a hat...every member of my family has something that he made with his hands...he made stick men out of railroad spikes....he twisted copper wire into hearts with arrows through them...he made huge Conan-the-Barbarian-esque swords and battle axes out of broken railroad rail......he made a giant copper ashtray once...I still have it....it looks more like something a Viking would carry into battle to bludgeon the enemy with...than an ashtray....but, in their own way, each thing he made was beautiful...each thing he made...contained a bit of his essence...
..One of the few times that he’d stop what he was doing…was to watch Jeremiah Johnson...together, we watched Robert Redford build his first greenhorn fire...under that fateful hemlock tree many, many times....each time that clump of snow fell on his fledgling fire, Dad would quietly say...just under his breath...."Damn.."....it was like he was there with Redford...freezing under that tree...knowing that with out the fire, he would surely die that night....and with fire, he would survive....I think that is the way my Dad lived his life...I think he understood...in a way that I will never be able to, exactly how Jeremiah Johnson felt at that precise moment...
That movie, in so many ways, tells a story of pain, loss, endurance, will, freedom, love, self-denial, self-reliance ..hell ..I've been close to death...I've climbed mountains...I understand...and love...cold, vicious, deadly weather...but, I have always understood the need for preparation... planning... and good equipment.... Johnson and my Dad...they had it differently...my little adventures have been just that...adventures...my Dad, on