Wednesday Poolfest...

..once again... Wednesday is upon us... tonight's ordeal promises to be an International Incident... 1 Columbian... 1 Uruguayan... 1 Scot... and a couple of Hillbillies... mix in a liberal dose of alcohol, music, and pool-shooting... then just sit back and watch... as usual, I will give you the after-action report tomorrow....

..actually, I will be going to Middle Tennessee for work early tomorrow, and I might not make it back in time to post... so, you may not get a chance to hear the tales till Friday.... either way, I'm sure you'll be on the edge of your seat in anticipation...

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El Cajon?..

... an 88 year old man... diagnosed with a brain tumor... does this..... wow... I suppose that's one way to do it... but, what takes more Cajones?... to stay and fight the illness... or jump?....

"Joseph Harold Frost took off his safety belt at 300 to 400 feet, stood up in the open cockpit of the two-seat biplane and went over the side Monday.

The pilot tried but failed to wrestle him back into the plane and nose the aircraft upward to force Frost back into his seat.

"I think that was Dad's idea, to go out in a flash of glory," said Robert Frost, who had helped his father arrange the chartered flight on a biplane similar to the ones the elder Frost flew in World War II."

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by Eric on Mar 31, 2004 | Comments(12) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» Welcome to Castle Argghhh! The Home Of One Of Jonah's Military Guys. links with: Y'know, I know the guy was unhappy...
» Welcome to Castle Argghhh! The Home Of One Of Jonah's Military Guys. links with: Saturday Morning Coffee and Blogs.

Atlanta 2002...

...a Storm rolled in last night... but, it didn't last very long.... a lot of Thunder... but, not much of a lightshow.... so, instead of blogging, the Wife and I embraced the Storm together on the couch... we watched a DVD of the Rolling Stones doing their 40 Licks concert in London... I cooked up some Spaghetti in between songs.... no pasta, though... just garlic bread for dipping.... and the Storm boomed through "Sympathy for the Devil" as we sat practicing a few of our Seven Deadly Sins.....

..last night we reminisced about seeing the Stones in Atlanta in 2002.... it was an incredible night... we met up with the Gang at the Swissotel.... checked out our suite... had an early dinner at The Palm.... one of the guys had brought a bottle of high-dollar Tequila.... which was passed around the table.... Limo service to Turner Field.... watched the concert of a lifetime... sang "Honky Tonk Women" until I lost my voice.... bought the tee-shirt.... barhopping by Limo afterwards.... back to the Hotel... drinks in rooms... back to our room... and we argued... after all of the fun, excitement, and happiness... we argued... I don't even remember what we argued about... but, we did....

..last night, we didn't argue... we just sat back and watched Jagger twitch his twitch... the Wife would say... "remember when they played that song? It was incredible!".... and I would agree.... indeed, the concert was a blast... but, it is strange what we remember... I didn't mention to her that I remembered us arguing at the end of that fabulous day... .maybe she remembered it too... but, like me, didn't want to bring it up....

...maybe our memories change and morph over time.... we forget the bad things, and only remember the good... I just don't know... but, I do hope that it never happens to me... I want to remember the good with the bad.... I think it is more real that way....

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The Storm..

....the storm is coming here... no blogging.... gotta get offline for a while.... see you all in the morning....

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Joke of the Day...

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away ...

"We're down here ."

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A Working Stiff...

...hmmm... things to do in London when you're Dead.... always wanted to be on the stage?... but, had no talent?... well, never fear! ... now is your chance to be on the London stage! ...requirements? talents?... nahh... just show up dead, and you're a shoe-in...

"LONDON (Reuters) - Two performance artists are searching for a corpse for their newest production -- and have put the word out at hospices in hope of a volunteer.

The group, called 1157performancegroup, said it was trying to demystify the issues surrounding death with its new London production, "Dead...You Will Be"

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Joke of the Day..

...fresh from the morning e-mail... this little jewel...

While trying to escape Iraq, Saddam found a bottle in a cave and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Saddam.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Saddam thought a moment. Then he grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three white American women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!"

The highly annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning he woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding & Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance............God is good

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Romanian Hummers..

...gotta love those Romanians... they do seem to demand quality... after all, if you pay for it, the last thing you expect is dawdling service...

"A Romanian man lodged an official complaint with consumer protection officials after accusing a prostitute of "not doing her best"."

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Greek Food...

...well, the experimental dinner menu worked pretty well... last night, beef/mushroom/onion kebabs were grilled at Straight White House.... they were a real treat... a lot better than I had expected.... also, a Greek Pasta Salad with Feta Cheese was consumed... along with two excellent bottles of a 1997 Rioja...

...it was interesting because I always cook the same things... Chili... or Spaghetti.... and, anything that needs worked over on the grill... but, normally, that's it... so, this little leap into the unknown was a lot of fun... I think I will start doing it more often..

...anyway, Sunday is always a pretty good day here at Straight White House... morning coffee was devoured while reading blogs... the second pot of the morning was enjoyed while sitting on the deck starkers... one of the nice benefits of living in the countryside is that you can enjoy a spring morning as nature intended... hell, it was 74 degrees by 9:30 this morning... the Wife was up by 10:30, and I prepared a meal of biscuits, butter, cheese, and raspberry jam... we ate it all on the deck...

...the Wife started reading a book, and I got my old guitar out... we spent the rest of the morning getting sun burnt on the deck.. as an aside, I saw a woodpecker that was incredible... that thing was the size of a chicken, I swear... the biggest damn Woodpecker I've ever seen... it landed on one of the Poplar trees, and when it started pecking, it sounded like a Browning 1919 going off... I don't know what kind of Woodpecker it was, but it was friggin HUGE...

...about noon, we decided to get cleaned up and head into town for lunch... my Mother had called last night and invited us to meet some of her friends from California... so, we drove into town and met up with them around 1:30... the Church-going crowd was out in force, and it was nice to see all the Old Men in Suits... and Ladies in Sunday Dresses.. just out for their Sunday ritual-after-church-lunch...

...the Californians were an interesting bunch.. a Mother, Father, and three buxom lasses... talking a hundred miles an hour.. acting as if I was an old friend... instead of someone that they'd just met for the first time... they, like my morning sunburn, were a very refreshing experience....

...Spring is here, people... just as tomorrow is another workday, soon Summer will be here... so, get out there and start enjoying it... in a few weeks, it'll be too damn hot to sit outside.... right now, it is perfect... carpe diem, and all that stuff.. just get your ass outside....

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Red in Greenland..

...I'm a big fan of Art... music, writing, painting, poetry... all of it... the idea that some people have the ability to do these things is amazing.. expressing yourself with words... paint... or a musical instrument... I can't get enough of it... I understand as well that being surreal and avante-garde is what drives some artists... but this?... I'm afraid that it... as a work of art... is a bit over my head... I just don't get it.... then again, I've never blended goldfish either....

"COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) -- An artist with 780 gallons of red dye, three fire hoses and a 20-member crew at his disposal went to Greenland in search of a blank canvas large enough to accommodate his creative impulse.

The result is a blood-red iceberg now sitting off the country's western coast."

...best line of the article?... it's a tie between these two...

"The fjord is filled with hundreds of icebergs -- previously all of them white."

...and

"He invited guests to turn the devices on and someone did, grinding up a pair of goldfish."

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Toon-licious...

...this is totally wrong... and, anyone who has ever lusted after Jessica Rabbit can attest to it... Marge?.... gimme a break... I can think of a whole host of toonbabes who are better.... Ariel... Belle... they were BOTH hotter than Marge.. anyway, it really doesn't matter.. but, whoever chose that mag cover needs professional help....

"Marge strikes a provocative pose in a see through, low-cut dress while scrubbing the floor.

She's also featured on the inside pages with her blue hair down as she waits for Homer in bed.

Maxim editor-in-chief, Keith Blanchard said: "She's the sexiest mama in all of toon town, especially that sexy voice - arrghh!""

...please... someone... lock up Mr. Blanchard immediately... he's liable to hurt someone.... although... that "scrubbing the floor" pose... it DOES sound pretty hot...

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by Eric on Mar 27, 2004 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» Just A Girl In The World links with: Blurfing of an Insomniac
» dramaqueen .:. my horns are tangled in my halo links with: pole dancing indeed!

Mary of the Sea...

...Spanish Sailors... wow... Mary of the Sea... wow... Maria del Mar... ok....

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Remembering...

...ten years ago today, I found myself standing in front of 250 people.... while wearing a kilt... a skinny 21 year old with a shaved head... scared out of his mind..... standing in front of total strangers, cat-calling Sailors, and belly-laughing Marines... all waiting on me... standing there in my skirt... to deliver a speech... it was quite a day, boys and girls.... quite a day.... and, sitting here now... a few memories of that day are starting to ooze to the surface.....

...I remember that my Best Man gave a terrific speech... without notes.... without stuttering... AND while totally sober... a real kickass job of public speaking...

...he and my family had flown over from Tennessee three days before the event, and my soon-to-be-Bride and I had given them all the tour of the area... I remember watching my family be shocked for the first time by the everyday happenings in Scotland... Dad's first taste of McEwan's Export.... Mom's laughter at the traffic jam caused by a flock of sheep in the road.... Mike, Calvin, and Joshua's utter contempt for being forced to wear a skirt (kilt), and purse (sporran).... heh... at least they enjoyed having a dagger (sghean dubh) hidden in their knee socks.... traditional Scottish dress... Tennesseans always get happier when they are carrying concealed...

...I remember being banned from ever wearing a kilt again at the end of the reception.... actually... come to think of it, that is the first "Command" ever given to me by new Wife.... "You are NEVER allowed to wear a kilt EVER again.".... I remember it distinctly... I brought it on myself, I suppose... after about 6 pints of McEwan's, I'd had enough of the ole line... "What is worn under the kilt"... so, by the end of the night, when someone would ask, I would lift the kilt in their direction, and say... "Nope.. everything is in perfect working order...see?".... and, just like that, I was banned from wearing the kilt... ahhh... the things drunk Marines will do....

...I remember the little scream of terror that my new bride released at the end of the Cordon... heh.... you ever seen a real Marine Corps Cordon in action?.... it's a sight to behold.... arm in arm, we approached the front door of the church... I heard the Lieutenant give the command... "Arch!.. Swords!!"... we took a step into the threshold of the door, and the first two Marines lowered their swords.. blocking our path..... the Lieutenant then said the immortal words.... "Announcing in public for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Straight White Guy".... the two Marines whispered to me... "KISS HER!".... so, I did.... they raised their swords.... we stepped forward, and two more came down to block our path... "KISS HER" came the whisper again.... this happened all the way along the Cordon of Dress Blues.... until we got to the end... heh.... Sgt. Holland had vied for this position....the last man... the left side.... and, as we started to walk away, he quickly lowered his sword behind us, and bellowed, "WELCOME TO THE MARINE CORPS, MA'AM!!", and whacked her ass with his NCO Sword... heh... she screamed like she'd been shot... the crowd that had gathered on the street to watch were laughing and clapping.... ahhhh... what a day....

...I remember lots of things about that day... a day which changed my life forever.. and, continues to do so every day that I breathe...

...so, tonight I will be celebrating my 10th Anniversary with my darling Wife... how she's put up with me this long ... remains a mysterious miracle to me... so, I will make dinner.... we'll open some champagne.... and we will enjoy this evening with each other.... Happy Anniversary, My Wife... you are incredible...

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by Eric on Mar 26, 2004 | Comments(21) | TrackBack (2) | SWG Stories
» baldilocks links with: Linky Like
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: The Mad Piper

Smokers Up!

... further to the old addage "eat healthy - die anyway".... we now have some lovely scientists who are telling us... wait for it... "stop smoking - die anyway".... heh.. Nicotine has it's benefits, it seems... you may die of lung cancer, but at least you won't get Alzheimers... see? ...life is all about balances...

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Firsts...

....I've seen these things going around lately... first music.... etc... hey, we're all kinds'a'down with that here at SWG.... I remember my first music purchase vividly.... I went to the local K-mart, and purchased two tapes with my OWN money... what did I choose?...

...ZZ Top - Eliminator.... a classic of gigantic proportions....

..and...

...Prince - 1999.... hey, I was 12, gimme a damn break....sheesh... and, if it is any consolation, I still have that ZZ Top tape...

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Impressions...

...you ever meet someone, and know right away what kind of person they are?... walk through a crowded street, and secretly pigeon-hole everyone you see?... Hippie there.. Serial Killer there... WASP... Old Marine.... sometimes you actually CAN tell a lot about people by the way the walk... dress... talk... or, even their attitude...

...well, I used to be a firm believer in this approach... until today, that is... I have a friend that I work with... a young woman... petite... two children... divorcee... always smiling... always upbeat... just generally, a nice young lady... goes to church on Sundays... etc...

...what did I get in the e-mail from her today, children?... a chainletter with fluffy bunnies and angels?... nope... today, I was sent the photo attached below... I'd say it is worksafe, but only just... but, this photo is most assuredly not for the squeamish among you... so... Baby, if you think you can handle it, dare to be grossed out...

....oh, and the text of her e-mail, in it's entirety... consisted of..... "BWHAHAHAHAHAHA Look at this! BWHAHAHAA!!!"

...that's right... this is what she sent me... she's one sick puppy.... I think she must be about to snap at any moment... so, if you don't hear me blogging anymore, it will because she went Postal and machinegunned us all....

...I don't know how this happened to the poor gentleman, but I'd say it ruined his day fairly well... for those of you who really want to see the Big Picture, it can be found HERE at Rotten...

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Quote of the Day..

..."Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock." --unknown....

..courtesy of Strange Cosmos...

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What the Fuck?

...ok... what the hell is going on with these two stories?... just think, when I retire, these "children" are going to be my Senators and Congressmen.. now, isn't that a charming little thought....

4 Year old takes Crack to school...

5 Year old with Weed at school...

...sometimes facts are stranger than fiction... and, some mornings when you get up and read the news, you wonder why the hell you even got up....

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Wednesday Night...

..yep, that's right Ladies and Gentlemen... not much blogging tonight... weekly poolfest/grubfest/boozefest at the SWG House... after last week's thumping, Steve is out for blood... and, he's told me as much today... so, a Battle Royale is expected this afternoon... I'll post the resuts, as usual, when I sober up...

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Nabbed...

...a Colorado man has been caught trying to board an airplane in Boston... with a severed head in his luggage.... now, folks, you gotta admit, that is an eyecatching first sentence.... heh..

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Scar Photo...

...ok, dammit... I just got home... I know I said 5pm EST, but I had to WORK... anyway, it's harder than you think to take a photo of your back... try it sometimes... it's hard... anyway, I have the photo now, and I will be posting it shortly for all you psychotic scar fetishists out there... you know who you are, people.... so, keep yer knickers on... it will be posted shortly...

Update: ..did I tell you it was hard to take a photo of your back?... well, it is... and, I am already stacking up a shitload of excuses for you retards who don't like my photo taking ability.... so, I don't want to hear your shit... first off, from looking at the photo, I can tell that it was much too small of a pendant to have tried branding with... (so, note to self.. if I ever try this fiasco again, do it with something BIG).... the hot gold burned enough to obliterate the cross in the center... after the scab peeled, the cross went with it.. I am not sure of the mystical ramifications of this, but it sounds bad... so... shortly, I shall post the pic... and.. (cue drumroll...)... a closeup with little lines to help you see the star better... after all, it was just a friggin necklace... oh, and I should probably point out that I have freckles.. lots of freckles... every-fucking-where... they are a goddamn menace... so... don't say you haven't been warned, you rubberneckin' bastards....

Update #2: Here it is... you freaks... as I referred to in this post, this is all I have left of the lady in question... enjoy, you pervs.... behold... the Shooting Star of David...

ok, kiddies... here it is... not a word... not a fucking word...

...and a close-up.. I even drew little lines to help you see it... much like kudzu on an abandoned Dairy Farm, my quaint little scar is quickly being overtaken by freckles... being red-headed... and Southern... the sun is not our friend... and, exposed flesh quickly succumbs to the fearsome freckles...

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Joke of the Day...

Fresh from the morning e-mail....

because Harvey asked... here it is...

WHY FIREARMS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN....

#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.

#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.

#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.

#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.

#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.

#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.

#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.

#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.

And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman!

#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN!

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by Eric on Mar 23, 2004 | Comments(6) | TrackBack (2) | Jokes
» Les Jones Blog links with: Thursday Gun Links #11
» Les Jones Blog links with: Thursday Gun Links #11

MUAHAHAHAH..

... I can't wait for THIS to open.... man, I'm gonna be Romania bound...

"The headless body of Vlad Tepes, the real-life 15th-century Wallachian prince notorious for impaling his Ottoman prisoners, is believed to be buried at a monastery in the middle of Snagov Lake, near the planned theme park.

Vlad is thought to have been born in Sighisoara around 1431 to Vlad Dracul or Dragon. The young Vlad was named Dracula -- meaning son of Dracul -- by his father. In Romanian, the word also means the devil"

ahhh.. seeeeng to me, Cheeeeldrennn uv da Niiight....

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Another Joke....

...I know I already posted one today, but this one really hits home...

The Scotsman and the Dentist

A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction. "$85 for an extraction, Sir" was the Dentist's reply.

"Och, huv yer no got anythin' cheaper" replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction, Sir" said the Dentist.

"What about if yer din't use any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.

"Well it's highly unusual, Sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70," said the Dentist.

"Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of your dental trainees and still without anaesthetic" said the Scotsman.

"Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful. I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40," said the Dentist.

"Och, that's still a bit much. How about if yer make it a trainin' session and have yer student do the extraction and the other students watchin' and learnin" said the Scotsman hopefully.

"Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case," said the Dentist.

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal" said the Scotsman. "Can yer confirm an appointment for the wife for next Tuesday?"

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SWG News...

... congrats (and not much else) goes out to Geoffrey of Dog Snot... who was my 1500th commenter.... and someone who arrived here via James of Parkway Rest Stop... my 25,000th confused visitor... so, I now officially owe each of you a large Scotch and Water... thanks, guys...

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About Damn Time..

.... I think this is a good idea... and long overdue...

"San Diego Union-Tribune ( MAR. 22)
Defying more than two centuries of history and tradition, a move is gaining momentum to change the title of the secretary of the Navy to recognize his role as manager of two distinct armed services. A bill to change the title to "secretary of the Navy and the Marine Corps" received ringing endorsements at a House Armed Services Committee hearing yesterday. Both witnesses and committee members said the change would be a symbolic but important shift reflecting the reality that the Marines are much more than the "sea soldiers" they were in the 18th century. "The whole issue is that the Marine Corps has been designated by past congresses as the fourth armed service," said the bill's author, Rep. Walter Jones, R N.C. "It is not part of the Navy."

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Joke of the Day...

...fresh from the morning e-mail.... Role Models, my ass....

"Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." .

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of Heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January) .

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't
care.'"

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F 's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye." (Dead man walkin')

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by Eric on Mar 22, 2004 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (1) | Jokes
» The Brier Patch links with: Too Good To Pass

SWG Moment...

...I swear unto all that is holy... there is a frog under a plastic bag of ice... in my garage.. here is the deal...

...the cat.. Fred, in this instance, dragged home a frog.. all legs akimbo... slightly chewed... (one leg was covered in cat hair.. and, I might add, half eaten).... but, there it sat... green... croaking... both in the literal AND figurative sense.. meekly blinking at us... almost as in some kind of disappointment... as if to say, .... please... Meester, Eric... keeeel me now.....

...so, I asked the Wife what she wanted done... a quick size 10 stomp on the bastard?.. dammit... I hate to see animals suffer... and, if you ever own cats, trust me... you are GONNA see animals suffer... oh no, not the cats... their VICTIMS... anyway.... she didn't want the stomp method... so, I asked her what she wanted.... "put it in a bowl.... and microwave it"... she said.... DAMN, girl... that would be torture... you can't microwave a poor frog.... shit, if you think the stomp-method was bad, the microwave method is even fucking worse... so, I said.. "why don't you just leave it for the cats to finish later".... and, she didn't like that outcome either....

....finally, she said... (which, I am impressed with her creativity here).... "fill a plastic GLAD bag with ice, and bring it to me... we'll freeze it to death.. it will be just like going to sleep... as the hypothermia begins".... yeah.... I know what you're thinking... I married a goodun.... so, I did as instructed... and now... as I sit here typing... a frozen, half-eaten froglet is dead in my garage.... both cats have circled many times... but, I think they are afraid of the cold.. in any case, the fact remains.... I was party to a henious murder tonight.. murder by ice.. in a way, it is remarkably Hitchcockian.... then again, maybe it is just warped...

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The Star of David...

...I've got one... I take it with me everywhere... I'm not Jewish, but I've got a lot of friends who are, and I read a lot of blogs by Jews... what brought this up?.... I just saw my back in the mirror, and there it was.. on my left shoulder..

...I met a girl in Pensacola once... a Jewish girl from Long Island.. she was doing her bit for Uncle Sam just as I was... her Army, and my Corps.. we hit it off... she was a beautiful, tough, streetwise and aggressive girl.. and, I was a skinny 17 year old country boy, fresh from the tobacco fields... a match made in heaven, no doubt.. so, we dated for a while, and romance bloomed...and then, when I received my orders for the Pacific, we parted ways... I was heartbroken...a bit more crushed than she, you might say...

..but, I must have made an impression of sorts during our 2 months together...because, after 4 months of sitting alone on a rock in the Bering Sea, she wrote to me... thus began my first "Long Distance Relationship"... we'd call... we'd write... but, in the end... it didn't work out... it was entirely my fault.. the idea of caring for someone.. and being so far away that you couldn't do anything about it contained too much agony... so, in the end, I decided having nothing was better than pining... so, I broke it off... but, that's not what I wanted to talk about... so, back to the Star of David...

...one day I received a package in the mail.. from my girl... but, this time, it was a box instead of a letter... when I opened it, I was surprised to find that my girl had mailed me a gold necklace and pendant... the pendant was in the shape of the Star of David.. and a Christian Cross was in the center of the Star... I loved it.. I never wore jewelry of any kind… and our regs said that you couldn’t wear anything unless it was religious in nature.. so, this was perfect.. I wore it every day for almost two years…

…a great Friend at the time was deeply into the religion of an American Indian tribe… I don’t remember which one, but he was hooked… he had a little leather bag of trinkets that he kept with him… it had a little sage… some tobacco… some pebbles… and various other strange artifacts… I thought it was crazy… but, he enjoyed it…

…so one night we were drinking at the club, and he mentioned that he wanted something of mine when I got transferred.. something to remember me by… something that he could keep in that little leather bag… not knowing much about his religion, I thought it was a pretty cool idea… but, when I asked him what he wanted, he pointed to the pendant.. he said that the pendant spoke most to him about how he would remember me.. I was floored… for one, I didn’t want to give it away… after all, it was a gift from my girl… I used it to help ME remember HER… not to mention the fact that if I gave it away, she’d probably kick my ass…

…however, after a few more drinks, as always happens, we began talking about this swap with more and more seriousness… I suggested we fly to Anchorage and get a tattoo of it… but, we didn’t have time for that… I suggested cutting it in two… but, he didn’t like that idea… and then, we came up with THE IDEA… to this day, he still claims it was my idea… which is totally insane.. I KNOW it was his idea… I think… anyway, we decided that since the pendant was made of gold… and it transferred heat very well.. we would hold it over a candle… get it really hot… and then stick it to my shoulder blade… that way, I’d have a nice scar.. in the shape of the Star of David.. with a cross in the middle… and he could have the original in his leather bag of trinkets… heh.. sounds like a plan.. we’d both have our copy with us forever… drunks think up some weird shit sometimes…

..well… that’s exactly what we did… I took off my shirt, and lay down on the floor… that way, I wouldn’t be able to jump away when I got branded.. after all, we didn’t know how long he was going to have to hold the red hot pendant against my shoulder to get some good scar action going on…we figured at least ten seconds for maximum effect.. he held the pendant over a candle with a pair of needle-nose pliers… and then, he did the deed… it didn’t hurt that much… the only problem was… in the process of holding the pendant, he also heated the pliers…. So, when he touched the pendant to my back, the pliers burnt me as well…the effect?… well, the pliers gave the Star a tail of sorts… heh… so, I now have a Shooting Star of David… with a Christian Cross in the center… on my left shoulder… it is indeed a most interesting scar..

…we all have scars of one sort or another.. emotional or physical… our scars made us who we are… I love my scar.. the girl behind it is long gone, of course… but, she is still part of what made me who I am… scars aren’t ugly… scars aren’t something to be afraid of…scars are signposts of where we’ve been… what we’ve done… scars, whatever their source, are there for a reason… I saw my scar again this morning… sometimes I forget it is there… I don’t have very many, but the ones I DO have are worth remembering…

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by Eric on Mar 21, 2004 | Comments(15) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» Velociworld links with: SHOW US THE SCAR

Winds of Change...

...a storm blew in last night... the first thunder of the year... a day of balmy Spring weather was coming to an end... and, just as dusk approached, the wind picked up... the open windows were for Spring scents.. but, they permitted the wind as well.. a day that dawned bright and clear... with a T-bone and fried eggs... ended with lightning being admired from an unlit room while the Storm wind whistled through the house...

...perhaps I need to rethink my purpose here.. I think I am confusing myself.. maybe I need to lift a sheet from Cool Hand Luke's playbook...

.."smokin' it up here, Boss?"

... I just gotta find a way to change what inspires me..

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Poetic License...

...I drove up through the mountains today... into the Cherokee National Forest.. the weather was beautiful... no traffic....sunroof open... the scent of the hardwood forest... it was refreshing... but, my little transcendentalist romp fluffed for little.... and so... I find myself still without my Muse... the one I've had in the past has jumped ship now, it appears...

...so, I am going to do as instructed by Mr. Martin, and just "Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter"... I shall polish off the remainder of my Macallan that survived the ordeal last night.. and listen to music...

...as I was driving back, I started thinking of writing a blog about having nothing to blog about... and, dammit, just as I was pulling into the drive, I remembered this post from Velociman.... well, hell.. that killed that idea... so, instead of attempting to fill you all in on my situation, I will leave you with the words of Mr. Crawford... no one could have said it better....

MY KINGDOM FOR A MUSE

Thalmia is obviously making sex romp videos with Shannon's ex. Calliope moved to Starke, where she is cruelly toying with anti-death penalty activists. Erato has been jerking my chain for years. Feels good, but there's little output, if you know what I mean. Clio, Euterpe, Terpsichore, and Polyhymnia are banned from Velociworld for personal reasons, although Clio gets a pass on Nostalgia nights. Urania is an air-head.

That leaves Melpomene, my great go-to gal, and she's in a worse funk than me.

...yeah, yeah... I know it is bad etiquette... or netiquette... whatever.. to link to a post so old, but I'm doing it anyway...

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Real Guts...

...heh.. personally, I don't know...*a'hem*... but, it seems to me that.... in the male psyche... penis size is often matched by self-confidence... got a big dick? well, look at Mr. GQ... sausage the size of a baby's arm?... you go, Studly.... here comes Mr. Tripod?... watch the wimmen swoon....

...words such as.... "oh, yes, he's very popular".... and, "he just oozes charisma"... are often followed by... "and he's hung like a moose"....

...yeah, whatthehellever... I knew it was bound to happen... and, it looks like it finally has... yep.... you guessed it... someone with a tiny pecker AND the courage to TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT....

...so, let that just be an example to you... don't mess with the little guy... heh... he's mad as hell, and he ain't gonna take it any more...

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Randomly Fated Jack..

...Jack O' Random Fate has his interview up at Jennifer's..... go now and suckle at the teat of knowledge, children... heh... which distillery in Scotland you gonna be at in October, Jack?... hell, maybe I'll join ya....

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Friday Night....

...what a week... broken servers... broken procedures... broken dreams... heh... par for the course, I suppose... just when you think you've gotten one fire put out, another one rises from the smashed out ashes... heh.. such is life, dammit...

...as for me?... ahhh... 'tis nothing that a fine Ribeye from the grill.. a nice potato from the oven.. and copious amounts of 12 year old Macallan can't straighten out... that combination has the almost supernatural ability to straighten even the most crooked things... and... most assuredly... crooked things have been afoot as of late...

...anyway, right now... I've gotta go and sort some stuff out in my head... marinate the steaks... break the seal on the Scotch... and howl at the World for a while... I guess it's true what the Stones said... "ya can't always get what you want".... bastards...

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Joke of the Day...

...courtesy of Strange Cosmos....

Readers of New York magazine were asked to invent country-song titles. Here are some entries:

Ain't No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out

You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa

Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart

I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day

She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn't Choose Me

The Peach I Picked In Georgia Didn't Cling To Me For Long

Don't Want That Floozy In My Jacuzzi

I Found The Recipe For Heartbreak In A Cookbook On Your Shelf

Now That We're Miserable, I Hope You're Happy

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Public Service Announcement..

....may I have your attention, please....

...good... thanks... here it is...

...that is all....

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Not Tonight....

....not posts tonight, kiddies... find some place else to roam, you bastards.. I'm playing guitar with a friend... so, check back tomorrow.... sorry.... have a good night...

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by Eric on Mar 18, 2004 | Comments(1) | TrackBack (1) | Drinking
» Parkway Rest Stop links with: Bits and Pieces.

Sentence of the Day..

...wow... today's favorite sentence comes from this post....

"A man has become a tourist attraction in the Dominican Republic after admitting himself to hospital with an erection that had lasted six days."

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...Dammit, I'm sorry....

...well.... poolfest Wednesday took a little longer than normally scheduled.. initially, it was just Steve.... and THIS time, I beat his ass... it was the first ever recorded match between Steve and I... at Straight White House, where I had a resounding victory... 7 to 2... in 8 ball... damn.... heh... I rocked... then, Gary and his son showed up... they were a good match.... but, the Macallan was beginning to show.. so, as they prepared to leave, Brad and Jason show up..... I managed to fend pretty well for myself against them... but, the damage was done.... I had missed the REAL treat of the night... speaking with a friend...

...see, I had arranged to speak with a friend tonight.... and, after my schedule was thrown off, I missed their call.... and e-mail... and, for that, I am truly sorry... hell, I was psyched all afternoon... I wanted to hear from them... I needed to speak with them.... but, circumstances being what they were... I could not be rude...... and, now... I sit here... content in the knowledge that I kicked ass tonight on the pooltable..... but, I feel a great sorrow and loss...

...so, as I sit here..... I begin to ask myself.....what is more important?.... taking care of friends... being with them?... if only for a few moments of email or conversation?..... or, playing pool?.... (don't answer that... I already KNOW the answer...and, I chose wrongly)....

....but, don't get me wrong.... I enjoyed tonight.....and still, I have my reservations..... still, a part of me... a BIG part that I don't indulge nearly enough.. is sad... because... I may have hurt a true friend.. while trying to enjoy a "night with the boys"....

...Dear Friend.... I'm sorry... please accept my sincere regrets..

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Bud Abbott...

...I KNEW there was a reason that I loved those Abbott and Costello movies... hell, me and ole Bud, we were kindred spirits....

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Yeah... This will work..

...I've seen some stupid ideas before... but this one ranks in the top ten.... look, people... this ain't gonna work...

"If you are a female drug addict you should be paid to take contraceptives so that you do not have kids, says Professor Neil McKeganey, an expert from the Centre for Drug Misuse and Research, UK.

He said that meeting the needs of infants and children born to drug addicted mothers was getting out of control; he called it ‘a crisis’. He would like to see a long-term programme put into practice where a woman takes contraceptives if she is a drug addict. He thinks that paying them is probably the most effective way. "

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...Maniak Thoughts...

...baby sister in the Air Force is right.... those who don't stand up for themselves.. get exactly what they deserve.. I normally don't do politics here, but, I have to admit... I think she's right....

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St. Paddy's Day...

...well, everyone seems to be doing them.... and, being a mix of Scots, Irish, German, Cherokee, Choctaw, Dutch, and English... I suppose I should participate.. after all, I got this red hair... and, these damned freckles from SOMEwhere... so, in the spirit of the holiday.... and, in honor of my Irish-Soaker side... I give you a little thing fresh from the e-mail....

...yes, kiddies... an Irish Palm Pilot...

..heh..

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by Eric on Mar 16, 2004 | Comments(4) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: St. Patrick's Day
» Uptown Girl links with: Happy St. Patrick's Day

..interesting Dutch Law..

... here it is.... wow....

"Newspaper De Telegraaf said pony owners Fred and Ria Herszkowicz entered the stall containing their three-year-old pony Bella and discovered a 65-year-old man with his trousers around his ankles.

He ran off but was caught a short time later by police. He had to be released again because the animal had no visible injuries.

Under Dutch law bestiality is not a crime as long as the animal is not hurt. The Public Prosecutor (OM) has confirmed the man cannot be prosecuted in this case despite the fact he was found interfering with an animal in a locked stable"

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Music...ahhh....

...I've seen quite a bit of blogs that have jukebox type things... most notably, Dog Snot Diaries.... but, since I've posted a SHITLOAD of songs here... and, I ain't smart enough to get that radio thing working... here are a few links to some of the songs that I've linked in this blogs short existence.... enjoy, you retards.... bandwidth, be damned...

Frank Sinatra.... "My First Affair".... classic... from here....
George Thorogood.... "Born to be Bad".... from this post...
...also, a little Tom Waits.... with "Step Right Up".. from here...warning... this song is NOT for the faint of heart...
..the Proclaimers....with "500 Miles".. from here....
and.. a lesson in auld Scots tongue... with "Sgt. MacKenzie"....
...my bud James... singing and playing... "Loch Tay Boat Song"...
..more of the Ratpack... from guestposting at Velociword... right here...
..and, then... of course, there is some Cake....Comfort Eagle... Short Skirt... and Love You Madly...
..last, but certainly not least... a little Zevon.. Mr. Bad Example... from this post.... and.. for my Bro... Don't Let Us Get Sick... from this post.... and, for Acidman after the blogmeet in Savannah... Lawyers, Guns, and Money... from here...
..oh.. and lest I forget... My Shit's Fucked Up... once again, for my Bro.. from here...
... and... lastly... my Zevon song for myself... "Hostage O"... from this post...

..*whew*... damn.. I'm going to bed now...that was TIRESOME... next time, you guys find your OWN damn songs...

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Working Clothes...

... where I work, everyone dresses casually... from the Owner... to the General Manager.... to the Accountant... to the General Manager's Assistant... all of us dress down... it's just the laidback culture and management style of the place... I like it... I get to wear jeans, boots, and tee-shirts every day... but, even though it is comfortable, sometimes it gets boring....

..in my last job, suits were worn.... hell, when I moved back over here, I had four pair of "casual" pants... a pair of OD BDU pants for hiking... a pair of Woodland BDU pants for hiking... a pair of "khaki" denim trousers... and a wore out pair of jeans... that was it... why?... well, I wore a damn suit EVERYWHERE... going out to dinner.. going to work.... going to visit friends... suits, suits, suits...

.. today, I wore a suit to work.. a nice hand-tailored job that I had made while I was in Bangladesh a few years ago... every time I wear it, I remember standing there in the steaming heat.. being measured by Rashid... with the strains of the evening prayer being blasted from the Mosque 100yds away.... and, he never stopped measuring... I guess he was more of a capitalist than a Muslim.... anyway, I picked out the cloth... the buttons... told him exactly how I wanted it... and, 12 hours later, a courier delivered it to me at my Dhaka Club suite... now, that is service.... but, to make a long story short, I wore that suit today... to work...

...Tan suit.. baby blue, tab collar shirt... black crepe silk tie with gold crescent moons on it...black belt... black wingtip shoes... gold tie clasp with the EGA on it.... and gold cufflinks... I spent ages last night... polishing and buffing my shoes.... scrubbing my tie clasp and cufflinks... ironing my baby blue shirt.... unwrapping my tan suit from the dry cleaner's plastic... it brought back memories of the military... carefully preparing your uniform for Dress Blues Alpha inspection... not a thread out of line.... everything to regs... attention to detail....

...I don't know why I wore that suit... maybe I just wanted to see if the suit still fit... heh, maybe... maybe I wanted to make myself feel better in some way.... maybe I did it to see if I could get a rise out of the "management"... maybe I did it to show myself off.... maybe I did it out of boredom.... maybe I did it as a treat... maybe..

...all I do know is this... it felt good to wear that suit today... I'm glad I did... but, tomorrow... I'll be wearing my boots, jeans, and tee-shirt again, and loving every minute of it... but, I will wear that suit again... yes, to work... I think I need to wear it sometimes.... it takes discipline to wear a suit well... and, I need to remind myself of that... from time to time...

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A Poem...

..ok, kiddies... time for a SWG Original.. yeah.. I wrote this on Dec 30 1991... hey, I'm in a sharing mood... I found one of my old journals... heh... and, it's torture time, baby...

"Gently"... by ME....

..gently, the music plays a waltz in the shimmering candlelight...
..gently, two lovers twirl together in a dance they are sharing...
..and, gently, the young Gentleman's hair ruffles as his Lady whispers into his ear..

..gently, she turns and glides away across the ballroom...
..gently, the flickering light shines on her face as she chooses another partner...
..gently, she begins to dance..
..and, gently, his heart breaks as the music continues to play...

...so, now that I've suitably depressed all of you with my rejection poem, have a good night...

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All Doggies Go to Heaven...

...sometimes I miss not having a pet.... even though we have two cats... they aren't really "pets"... we just feed them.... heh.. we are THEIR pets.... but, then something like THIS comes along... and I'm GLAD I don't have a pet...

"Skylight Paths just published a book called "What Animals Can Teach Us About Spirituality." "Peace to All Beings: Veggie Soup for the Chicken's Soul," (Lantern Books) contains prayers for all sorts of creatures, including insects. (One prayer: "Peace and compassion prevails on Earth for our tiny brothers and sisters everywhere.") Pet boutiques, such as Miami Beach's Dog Bar, carry plush toy dreidels, Stars of David and St. Christopher pendants for collars, and kosher pet food (production supervised by a rabbi)."

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Periodical Cicadas..

... I was talking to a friend at work about THIS article from CNN... it seems that this year is special... every 17 years, the Periodical Cicada (Magicicada septendecium) emerges from the soil of much of the United States.... mates for a few weeks... then dies... of course, these are not to be confused with 13 year Cicadas... they are only active in the Southeastern US... or, the "Dog Day's Cicada" with emerges yearly.... anyay, I took it upon myself to find some more information on these darling little bugs...

...after surfing the net for literally MINUTES looking for Cicada information, here is what I've come up with.... here are some handy tips to help y'all cope better with your friendly Periodical Cicada neighbors... after all, they are only around occasionally, so, it's best to enjoy them... instead of trying to run them off... or getting mad about all the noise they make... so, here are some random tips... in no particular order...

1. Cicadas are often called locusts, but they aren't.... (locusts are part of the grasshopper family) ...Periodical Cicadas are insects of the order Homoptera, which also includes aphids, leafhoppers... so, when they arrive, don't call them locusts...

2. Male Cicadas make a deafening buzzing noise to attract the females... so, planning an outdoor activity is uaually not a good idea when they are all worked up in a sexual frenzy.. it has been said that females sometimes dive-bomb cars, mistaking the sound of a revving engine for their paramours.... so, if you really get pissed at your Cicadas, go out and start your car... and test this theory... let me know if it works...

3. Cicadas are mostly harmless - they don't sting, bite or eat plants.... but, they make one helluva noise...

...and, with all that said... enjoy your Periodical Cicada invasion this year... it's nature in action... I will leave you with the words of Professor Mike Raupp...

"This will be a big, crazy horde of loud insects," said Mike Raupp, a professor of entomology at the University of Maryland , College Park . "It will be an extravaganza."

....and...

"There's nothing that rivals this in North America for scale or grandeur," he said. "You only get a few of these in your life."

Even casual observers will be able to see the stages of development and hear the various mating songs.

"Try not to panic. Try to sit back and relax. Enjoy it," Mr. Raupp said. "It's a unique opportunity to see nature in its glory."

...so, there you have it... don't panic... just sit back, and enjoy your bug extravaganza...

...there... the last thing off my Friday 5 is done... I blogged about Cicadas... heh...

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Update on Friday's 5

... well, good Sunday morning, folks... it's a beautiful day here in Tennessee.. the sky is blue, the birds are chirping.. yadda, yadda... anyway, I've got a few updates on my Friday 5...

...I mentioned that one of the things I had to do this weekend was to cook dinner... I said that my chili was working on the stove, so I was cool... well, it was, and it was great... it went down like Gangbusters... but, Saturday morning, I realized why I hadn't made my chili in so long... why?.. well, it came OUT like Ghostbusters... (think ectoplasmic slime)... dayum, people... I came to the conclusion that I should patent my recipe, and sell it to the military.. the Marines in Cuba could feed my lovely Mexicanesque delight to the detainees... they'd grub that shit like it was going out of style.. it tastes so damn good.... then, the next day, remove all water and toilet paper from their cells... give each detainee one single napkin from Taco Bell... and wait... ladies and gentlemen, by 12 O'clock high, those bastards would tell you ANYthing you wanted to know.... you'll just have to trust me on that... hell, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out than have to suffer another Saturday morning-after session like that... which reminds me.. I think I need a new chili recipe... I'm open to suggestions...

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The Price of Service..

... all work... and no play.. make Cypriot women DULL GIRLS... hey, I can see her point... and, as usual, we here at Straight White Guy are, of course, overcome with sympathy......although, from my experience in the Service... a poor sex life was due to the fact we were 500 miles away from the nearest hot chicks...

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My Sidebar...

...yeah, yeah... like you people are interested... anyway, in case you haven't noticed, I changed the photo in the top left... This was taken by Ken at the Six Pence Pub in Savannah a few weeks ago... I tell ya, you gotta watch old Ken... he's pretty damn sneaky with that camera of his... and, as shown above, he'll catch you when you least expect it.... (By the way, I'd link to your site, Kenny, but it is GONE.. WTF, man?)

...well, here's the rub... I've been toying with the idea of changing out the photos on my sidebar... ala Miss Kelley and Velocigod.... but, I haven't made up my mind yet... so, in sheer desperation, I ask for your thoughts on the subject... which, if any, should I keep up there... your choices are below... oh, and if you don't like ANY of them, then that's too damn bad... you're gonna have to live with one of them in any case, so you might as well shut up and choose...

...one funny thing is that Georgia is in two of the three photos.. heh... that's her and Kelly singing in the second one... with Ken and I playing guitar... and, that's Georgia's hand holding a beer in the last photo...

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Help a Guy Out...

..my ole buddy Goose... of Gooseneck fame, is just a few teensy hits away from the awe inspiring 10K mark on his blog... AND.... he's offering a nice PRIZE for the lucky person who makes the mark... so, get your tails over there and win that prize...

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Clean at Wendy's...

..ok... there are so many things wrong with this story... I don't even know where to begin.... honestly... at first, I laughed my ass off... but, now that I've thought for a while... I'm kinda pissed at those two retards... they have ruined the whole Wendy's experience for me...

It looks like a Wendy's restaurant in North Carolina won't be cited for any health-code violations -- after it was discovered that two employees took a bath in one of the sinks.

It's not clear when the workers at the restaurant in Advance took the bath. Photos show two men in bathing suits taking turns bathing in the large sink, which was filled with bubbles.

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Friday Five...

...courtesy of Tommy...

Friday Five:

1. What was the last song you heard?
"Mary Had A Little Lamb".. as performed by Stevie Ray Vaughan.... listened to it on the way back from work..

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
...two nights ago, I watched Das Boot... three nights ago, I watched Matchstick Men... I can identify with BOTH of those movies.... and that is a fact....

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
...a jelly doughnut.... a carton of Camels... un-filtered, of course.. and 250 rounds of .223 ammo... hey, don't tell ME I don't know how to have fun...

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
...cook dinner.... my special chili is on right now... so, I'm cool..
...get steaks and shrimp for the BBQ tomorrow...
...Blog about a Jarfly.. or Cicada... whatever the hell you want to call them...
...clean my AR-15, 9mm, and .380....

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
...the Wife....
...the Friend from Work....
...the Guy I work with from the Dominican Republic..
...myself..
...Cousin Calvin... otherwise known as Big Daddy C...

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Saginaw... AKA... Lucy...

...today after work, I went to get my hair cut... I keep it really short... and, when the hair starts touching my ears, it's time to get scalped again... so, I called up the barber, and set myself up....anyway, I arrive at 4:30 for my trim... and, halfway through the endeavor, I noticed a dog outside the window.... a pretty black and white lab-mix.... lying on the sidewalk across the street... casually watching traffic, and receiving the passing pat of everyone who walked by...

...now, I knew I was in a small town.... so, I asked the barber whose dog that was.... and they replied... "all of ours... it's the City's dog"....

...I couldn't believe it... so, I kept on with it...

"How is it the 'City's Dog'?, I asked...

"Well, when she was a pup, she started hanging out over at the Fire Station across the street.... and, they kinda adopted her... a few months ago, they paid to have her fixed and everything.."

"wow, that's incredible... so, what's her name?

"Well, originally, they called her Saginaw... but, most of us here in town.. we secretly named her "Lucy"... she looks more like a Lucy than a Saginaw... I mean, who ever heard of a dog called Saginaw anyways?"

"I suppose that's true... I certainly haven't.. but, you said she was the City's Dog... so, who feeds her?"

"Aww... we all feed her.... the Firemen feed her mostly... but, the people at the Post Office do as well... hell, they even let her inside the Post Office when it's really cold outside... sometimes, she even comes over here, and I feed her...

"You mean that you have dogfood somewhere in the back? Here in the shop?"

"Oh, no... I just keep a little bag of doggie treats here.... and, when she comes over, I'll give her one or two... hehehe... sometimes, you'll see her over at the BP Station.. sitting and watching people pump their gas... of course, they all give her a pat on the head.... and, whatever is left over from their food court at night gets given to ole Lucy.... yep... we all feed her... she's a good dog..."

.....still unable to totally fathom the situation, I kept right at it...

"So, does this Lucy... does she actually BELONG to anyone?... I mean... what would happen if she bit someone on the street? Is she just like a wild dog, or does the City have some sort of responsibility?"

"Well now... hmmm... I don't know.... that's a good question, I suppose... but, two weeks ago, she had to be locked up... she stayed locked up a whole week.... she'd went over to the Thompson's... they have a ... well, HAD a big beautiful gray cat.... anyway, Lucy went trompin' over there the other day, and killed that gray cat... boy, let me tell ya... Mr. Thompson was as mad as a wet hornet... he came over here to City Hall, and marched right in there and said.... "That damn dog killed my cat...if I see it in my yard again, I'll blow it's damn head off!".... so, the Firemen got all worried about Lucy wandering over there again... so, they locked her up inside the Fire House for two weeks... I suppose they did that to teach her a lesson... and, I think it worked.... because, she hasn't went farther than 50 yds from the front of the Fire House since they let her out...."

"..wow... so, I guess the penalty for Cat Murder here is 2 weeks in jail... looks like she got off easy...."

"yeah, I guess so... she's a good dog, though... and we all love her.."

....after that, I guided the conversation away from cats and dogs... but, it struck my interest... how many small towns have a town mascot like Lucy?.... what does that say about us as a people.... we become insular at the drop of a hat... all it takes is a lack of a phone call.... or a harsh word, and we slink away into our own world.... but, in the world I saw today, people still were a community... people still shared responsibility... I don't know what I'm trying to say here... but, today while I was getting my hair cut, I felt like I was part of something more than a suburb... I was a citizen of a small town... and, Lucy was MY dog too.... and my responsibilty....

...after years of living overseas... I suddenly had the overwhelming feeling.... "I'm Home"....

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No Cremation for Me...

...no, no no, Brothers and Sisters.... no burial either... when I finally pop my clogs... sell my ass to the ARMY... and use that 30K to throw me one HELLUVA wake... actually... now that I think of it... the Army could probably sell tickets to my body's last moments... heh... I know some bastards would like to see that...

"Imagine if your mother had said all her life that she wanted her body to be used for science, and then her body was used to test land mines. I think that is disturbing, and I think there are some moral problems with deception here," Meyers said."

..yeah? really?.. and I think you're full of shit, Meyers... Science is science... and yes, we NEED to know what those mines will do to our Soldiers and Marines... plus, it would just be cool... so, shut your damn cake hole, and let us blow stuff up...

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by Eric on Mar 12, 2004 | Comments(3) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Links Today

1400!!

...Congratulations goes out to the lovely and talented... and, everyone's favorite Netgrandma... Indigo Insights for leaving the 1400th comment here at my crappy blog... WHOO HOO!!! ...on the downside, I'd love to send you a present, Indigo, but... I am uneducated in the etiquette of Blog Comment Gifting... so, please just accept my humble thanks....

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Random Thoughts..

..I totally fucking HATE IT when MT freaks out on my trackback pings... as a result, none of the people in the post below got a ping... dammit all... ahhh, screw it, I'm going outside....

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Good Stuff....

.... beautiful day here in Tennessee... nice temperature... slight breeze... so nice, in fact, that I'm gonna go sit on my deck and play guitar.. oh, and drink Scotch... so, for this evening's entertainment, check out some of my blogbrothers and sisters....

..for instance... Beth has written a song for all of us Nekkid Bloggers... but, I'm having a bit of trouble with the tune... what key, exactly, is "Dee Dee Dee Dee" in?... ahh well, I'll figure it out....

...next up is Tommy... he has written a nice piece about scaring your workmates shitless... heh, I like that in a workmate.... but, paybacks are a beeyatch, Tommy... although, I have a friend at work who goes one better than just scaring you... she'll sneak up on you and Stealth Disco your ass... now, THAT is scary to watch....

...the Bitterman... over at the Smoking Toaster... is showing us that most distinctly is NOT a treehugger... and, he's starting his Spring gardening a bit early this year... funny.... I've never been much of a gardener, but I HAVE heard the wife mutter... "Die, Motherfucker, die" a few times while weeding the flowerbed....

...Goldiedear.. the Aussie Drama Queen.... is having her Friday a bit earlier than the rest of us.. and, from the sounds of things, it's gonna be a corker.... oh, and I love her tagline.... "Pog mo thoin"... and, if y'all don't know what THAT means, you can kiss my ass....

...Geoffrey.... over at Dog Snot Diaries, shows us all a lovely photo of what life is like when you enjoy it to the fullest... heh... been there, and done that, Geoffrey... although... I usually ended up rather worse for wear that gentleman in the center.... I read over HERE that it was because he "arrived late"... unfortunately... that has never been MY problem....

...so... enjoy, folks.... I'm off to play guitar on the deck.....

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I KNEW IT!!..

...those evil Bastards.... coaxing us in with their new SALAD MENU... when, we REALLY wanted a double cheese burger... brow beating us with "healthier menu".... when we really wanted a damn double cheese burger... so, now it is official... eat salads... and friggin' die anyway...

"LONDON (Reuters) - Global hamburger giant McDonald's latest line in healthy looking salads may contain more fat than its hamburgers, according to the company's website."

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Bad Joke of the Day...

...fresh from the e-mail... heh.. in honor of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day, I give you a Green joke...

A man enters a confessional and says to the priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Tell me my son, who is this Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest, "go and say ten Hail Mary's."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

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More Idiocy...

..sorry folks, but THIS WOMAN is insane.... I mean, c'mon people... first of all, a Million Dollar bill?!?!.... sheesh... and SECONDLY, she wants to break it at WALMART??... moron...

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Indonesia Again...

...just one more reason to stay home, I suppose.....

"A couple caught kissing on the mouth in public could spend up to five years in jail or pay up to 250 million rupiah in fines, the Post said. It is unclear whether the ban would also apply to married couples. "

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Zevon again...

...and, it looks like LeeAnn is stirring the pot.. (yeah, check her comments)... heh... well, Matty O'Blackfive decided to ask me to SING at the party going on at Madfish Willie's.... (scroll to the bottom of his comments)... so, I dedicated one to that Perv, Harvey... go on over and have a read... or, if you'd rather skip all that crap, and just hear the song... HERE it is....

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Bad Joke of the Day...

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explains that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

Then the lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

Fresh from the morning E-mail...

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Poor Helen...

.... ahhh... Helen.... I know you've started a new life in London... but, after reading THIS, I think you are going to have a hard time adjusting with those uptight Londoners... Good luck...

"LONDON (Reuters) - A magazine advertisement for lingerie that showed a scantily clad model apparently masturbating was banned by the Advertising Standards Authority for being offensive."...

....and...

"The Authority considered that, because it implied the woman was masturbating, the advertisement was likely to cause serious or widespread offence," the ASA said in a statement on Wednesday after receiving a complaint."

...screw them, Helen.. you play all you want... it's GOOD for you...

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by Eric on Mar 09, 2004 | Comments(3) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» the cheese stands alone links with: A Mere Dribble In the Cyber Spitbasin

Sacco and Vanzetti...

...the World is a small place... I've been reminded of that from time to time... but, one particular instance stands out in my mind... at lunch today, someone said… “WOW, it’s such a small world”… meaning that she knew someone from the next damn county… that someone ELSE at the table knew… sheesh… small world my ass…. Here is MY “small world” story…

...Once upon a LOOONG time ago, I was a barely 18 year old Jarhead... stranded on a barren, moss covered rock in the middle of the Bering Sea..... nearer to Siberia than Anchorage by a LONG shot... and, as you do, I was boozing it up with some friends of mine late one evening.... or, early one morning... I can't remember which.... and one of the guys was from Boston... and, he was of Italian extraction... now, being a Hillbilly from Southeast Tennessee, we didn't have a lot of Italians down our way... so, I was genuinely interested in hearing his story.. I thought he might have a good Ellis Island tale to tell or something...

..well, it turns out like this... his Grandfather had indeed come over from Italy to Ellis Island... and ended up settling in Boston... he set himself up as a mortician... he minded his own business, and was quite happy working with stiffs.. until, one day... Sacco and Vanzetti, two Italian immigrants were wrongfully accused of murdering two guards during a robbery... anyway, the locals wanted to string'em up... and, after a quick kangaroo court, they fried'em in Boston's brand spankin' new electric chair.... needless to say, the Italian immigrant community was up in arms... and, my friend's Grandfather was chosen to get the bodies in shape for the funeral... he did so, and his Son, in front of the gathered funeral mob, spoke publicly about the travesty of justice... and, it launched his political career in Boston...

...now... think for a moment... here was a 18 year old, half-drunk Marine.. listening to this history lesson... hell, I didn't know who Sacco and Vanzetti were, and I could give a shit less... but, to him, they were big potatoes.... so, I knowingly shook my head... said "wow" a few times, and enjoyed his story...

..ok... now... fast forward to Scotland... three years later... I am meeting my Soon-To-Be-Wife's Grandparents for the first time... they had a beautiful house in Perth... anyway, her Grandpa comes out... can tell, obviously, that I'm a Yank, and begins to tell me about his travels to the USA back in the mid 20s... see, he was an Electrical Engineer... and a Freemason... so, he got on a boat in Glasgow one day, and sailed to Boston... hooked up with the local Freemasons, and they landed him a job... he told me of his re-wiring of various American auto plants from Direct Current... over to Alternating Current... etc... hell, he even helped to re-wire the Ford plant... and then, he stalls in his conversation... his tumbler of Glenmorangie in one hand... and he says...

..."one of the strangest things I did while I was in the US.... was to wire up the Electric Chair for the State of Massachusetts... yeah.... they had themselves these two gentlemen named Sacco and Vanzetti... they'd done killed somebody, and the State wanted to fry them... so, I helped them to create their new chair... it used Alternating Current... and, being from Scotland, I knew more about that technology than any of the local Electrical Engineers..."

...well... ladies and gentlemen... I sat there with my chin on the floor... here were two historically significant people... who, three years before, I was blissfully ignorant... and now, I had not only met the person that was directly responsible for them getting cooked... but ALSO the person's son who was responsible for planting them....

..one was met on an island off Siberia.... and, the other, just off the South Inch Park in downtown Perth, Scotland... the World is indeed a LOT smaller than we think...

..oh, and by the way, Sacco and Vanzetti’s innocence was proven in the 1970’s… but, due to my Wife's Grandpa... and his Electrical expertise, it didn't matter a whole helluva lot...

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Voting...

...well, I know it's old news, but I just got this in the email, and felt like sharing....

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Amen, Sister...

... I really... REALLY... like the way THIS WOMAN thinks....

"''We're fighting for our rights to do what men do,'' said Lori Mauldin, a sales clerk at a Daytona Beach T-shirt shop who intends to march in the protest. ``If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me.''

...preach on, Sister.... FREE the BOOBIES....

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...Tired and Dirty...

...I'm just in from spending the afternoon at the farm of a friend... I am tired, sunburnt, windswept, and reek of oil and gunpowder... there is nothing like spending an afternoon shooting weapons to clear your mind... anyway, all of my babies performed exactly as advertised, and much fun was had by all.. so, now it's off to the shower... some Scotch and Water... and cleaning weapons while reading blogs... perfect evening, or what?...

Update: After the shower, my shoulder hurts like livin'HELL.... THIS BABY rocked my world.. she's a good one, and I love her... but, she bites.. word up, never.. EVER.... shoot 3 inch Magnums with her... she handles the load well, but she'll make you pay, brothers and sisters... she'll make you pay...

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Stress Relief...

... yesterday, a good friend of mine came over, and we shot pool all afternoon.... in our normal race to seven in 8 ball, he won 7 to 6... heh... but, I kicked it in our 9 ball race to seven, and won 7 to 5.. it was good to have someone over to talk to about the goings on lately...

...around 5, my Mother came over to visit with the Wife and I.... I grilled some sirloins, and the women baked some potatoes.. simple, but effective... and, instant pleasure.... after dinner, we talked for a while, and when the conversation dulled, my Mother asked me to play guitar for her... I couldn't believe it... she'd never asked me to play for her before.... so, I poured myself a large Scotch and Water, and played her a few tunes.... she even sang along on a few... even the Wife joined in... it was really wonderful... but, I have to say for the record.. if you have never heard "Rocky Top" sung in a Scottish accent, you are missing out... what was it like?... well, there are some things in life that are better left to the imagination... and that is most assuredly one of them...

...but, a good time was had by all... at one point, someone mentioned that Dr. Seuss had just passed on... so, I remarked that we should probably hold some kind of memorial for him... I recommended that I read a few select lines from "The Cat in the Hat"... and, to my shock... my horror... my Mother informed me that she'd like to hear it... because she'd never read a Seuss book before... suddenly, it hit me... all of the strange things in my adult life.. my warped sense of humor... my fetish for librarians.... my love of firearms and Military History.... they are the direct result of having a Seuss-less childhood...

..I went to the bookshelf, and took down my cherished copy of "The Cat in the Hat".... I came back to the couch... and read the little book... in it's entirety... to the two eager listeners.... it only took about 5 minutes to read it cover to cover... and, I think we are all the better for sharing a little after dinner Seuss... so, to all you budding parents out there... consider yourselves warned.... read Dr. Seuss to your kids.... or, they are liable to turn out like me.... and, LAWD HEP US, if that happens...

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Public Urination....

....seemingly, it is a big problem in Minneapolis.... some of their residents go out on a boozer, and end up letting it fly in garbage cans.... I mean, c'mon people... are you guys trying to tell me that you've not been out on a bender, and ended up using everything from the side of the road... to that bush in the city park.... to the corner of the pub when no one was looking?... sheesh.... gimme a break... you KNOW you have... outlawing public urination is just going to make criminals of honest drunks.... that's just wrong, dammit....

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by Eric on Mar 07, 2004 | Comments(5) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» dramaqueen .:. irish by marriage, so you can kiss my... links with: foot in mouth disease warning

Dinner...

..heh... be back later... gotta go grill some steaks... damn, seems like that's all Saturdays are now... chores, chores, chores... well, somone's gotta do it... so, once more into the breach, dear friends... heh... life is hard, sometimes...

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True...

....further to the last post, I just took THIS TEST from Bill's site... how fitting is this?...

I don't want a toaster.
Furnulum pani nolo.
"I don't want a toaster."
Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. You have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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by Eric on Mar 06, 2004 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» A Single Southern Guy In America links with: He - Man

Responsibility...

... anyone remember that old line from The Shootist?... yeah, you all know the one I'm talking about... when John Wayne tells Opie that he's gotta live by a "code"?... well, it went something like this...

"I won't be lied to... I won't be insulted... and I won't be laid a hand on.. I don't do these things to others, and I require the same from them.."

...words to fucking LIVE by, Ladies and Gentlemen... truly..

...I have prepared this rant FIVE times... each time, a bit more vicious and foul than the last... and, unfortunately for you all, I ain't gonna put it up here.. but, the writing of it was exquisitely pleasant... so, no rant for you chilluns today... but, DAMN, I feel better...

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More R.W. Service

...why? ....well, because I like his poems... he's got good subject matter... a bit of humor... and, most of all because he doesn't take himself too seriously... oh, and, because this space is mine to torture you bastards with... what other reason do I need?.... oh, and... as usual, read it out loud, dammit... so, here it is... a fresh poem... I think that even ole Velociman might get a kick out of this one...

Pullman Porter
by R. W. Service

The porter in the Pullman car
Was charming, as they sometimes are.
He scanned my baggage tags: "Are you
The man who wrote of Lady Lou?"
When I said "yes" he made a fuss -
Oh, he was most assiduous;
And I was pleased to think that he
Enjoyed my brand of poetry.

He was forever at my call,
So when we got to Montreal
And he had brushed me off, I said:
"I'm glad my poems you have read.
I feel quite flattered, I confess,
And if you give me your address
I'll send you (autographed, of course)
One of my little books of verse."

He smiled - his teeth were white as milk;
He spoke - his voice was soft as silk.
I recognized, depite his skin,
The perfect gentleman within.
Then courteously he made reply:
"I thank you kindly, Sir, but I
With many other cherished tome
Have all your books of verse at home.

"When I was quite a little boy
I used to savour them with joy;
And now my daughter, aged three,
Can tell the tale of Sam McGee;
While Tom, my son, that's only two
Has heard the yarn of Dan McGrew. . . .
Don't think your stuff I'm not applaudin' -
My taste is Eliot and Auden."

So we gravely bade adieu
I felt quite snubbed - and so would you,
And yet I shook him by the hand,
Impressed that he could understand
The works of those two tops I mention,
So far beyond my comprehension -
A humble bard of boys and barmen,
Disdained, alas! by Pullman carmen.

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The Natives are Restless..

..heh... I always wanted to say that, but have never had the opportunity... SEE?

"A British magazine is facing protests from a remote tribe in New Guinea after it said the region was populated by "cannibals" indulging in "random orgies".

Lads' magazine Zoo Weekly offered readers the chance to win a "flesh-eating fortnight" in which it said "the chances... of ending up as dinner for the tribe remain pretty slim."

...what exactly is a "random orgy"?... I would have thought that a lot of planning and preparation would be needed for an orgy...

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Chocolate

...I don't know why, but I just think that THIS is a good idea...

"A Russia farm has started feeding its 10,000 cattle on chocolate and sweets.

The confectionery is added to the normal feed of cows at the Melnik dairy farm in the Kaliningrad region.

Farm officials claim the supplements give the milk a "peculiar piquancy" as well as making it more rich."

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by Eric on Mar 05, 2004 | Comments(6) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» dramaqueen .:. irish by marriage, so you can kiss my... links with: you mean it comes out in different flavours?

Heh...

... well, at least THESE PEOPLE have the right idea... if you are gonna protest and irritate the hell out of people... then, the LEAST you can do is be entertaining as well... and, as we all know, nudity is VERY entertaining...

"CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts (Reuters) - Police have arrested six shivering protesters after they braved cool temperatures and staged a nearly naked pillow fight outside Harvard University to promote animal rights.

The five women and one man, members of the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, were arrested on Monday on criminal misdemeanour charges, said police spokesman Frank Pasquarello.

"This is nothing compared to what the animals go through," protester Karla Waples, wearing nothing but pasties to cover her nipples and a pair of panties, shouted to reporters as she was led in handcuffs to a waiting police van."

...handcuffs, pasties, nipples, panties.... and, a police van.... kinda sounds like an evening at The Bar....

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Dammit..

....Everyone else is doing it... and, I'm bored as hell.. so, here goes.... LeeAnn, Harvey, John, Pam, Beth, and Susie.... here I am... in all my lego glory...

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by Eric on Mar 03, 2004 | Comments(6) | TrackBack (4) | SWG Stories
» drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: Utter nonsense.
» Uptown Girl links with: Kinky Lego Uptown Girl
» KateSpot links with: I'm a Lego
» smijer links with: Oh Hell

Joke of the Day

....a fellow blogger saw this, and thought of me... heh... but, I normally prefer Scotch to beer, I have... on occasion... had a few.... SEE?

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24! beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry

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Chivalry, or Nutcases?

...hey... don't get me wrong... I'm all for being a Gentleman, and all... but, I'm not too sure ABOUT THIS.....

"DUSHANBE, Tajikistan (Reuters) - Two policemen died from gunshot wounds after what appears to have been an old-fashioned duel in the Tajik capital, Dushanbe, police said Monday.

The pair were guarding the mayor's office late Sunday when they fired at each other. A police official said the motive for the duel was unclear.

"As a result of a pistol duel, the two died in a hospital from their wounds," the police official told Reuters. He said the two were noncommissioned officers, aged 29 and 33.

Duels were a popular way of settling disputes and matters of honor among the nobility in czarist Russia and claimed the lives of writers Alexander Pushkin and Mikhail Lermontov, but are almost unheard of in Tajikistan, a former Soviet republic. "

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Deployment...

...my friend.. and co-worker... David... is getting deployed in a few weeks... he's in the Army Reserve... a Scout Cavalry unit from here in East Tennessee.... he's 25 years old... been married three years... two year old son... and a bun in the wife's oven... it's due in 7 months... he'll have been in Iraq for 4 months by then..

....he asked me a lot of questions before he joined up.... what life was like in the military, etc... I only have a limited experience, but I told him what I knew.. and, he made the decision himself.... he joined...

..I would ask him every couple days - for the past three months - when he was getting deployed... he'd just grin, swallow hard, and say, "I dunno... but, thanks for bringing it up, you bastard".... and, today I asked the all familiar question again, and he said... "next month"...

..we went outside for a smoke, and a heart-to-heart.... he's a good man... he is proud... he is anxious.. and, he's worried about not being around when his second child is born... but, deep down he knows that his family will be fine.. they are surrounded by good people... it seems to me.... that he is displacing his own fears and worries for his own safety... by over-worrying about those he leaves behind....

...all of us at work are worried for him... but, we know that he is doing what he wants to be doing... today, at lunch, it brought home to all of us... exactly what every single soldier, sailor, airman, and Marine is giving up....

..it's one thing entirely... to see the statistics on the TV, or hear them on the radio.... but, we all know and love David... we know is family... we've held his son.. David is one of US.. and, today, for the first time in a long time, we all felt the War hit us hard... a kidney punch of reality....

...in these times of War, we often disassociate ourselves with the pain that we see on CNN or Fox News... sure, they are "our" troops, but.... they aren't our neighbors... well... for all of those people who have managed to complete that disassociation, I know a couple hundred simple folk in Eastern Tennessee who had the nail of reality driven into THEIR eyes today at lunch....

...good luck, David... and God Speed... stay safe... and, thank you....

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by Eric on Mar 02, 2004 | Comments(2) | TrackBack (2) | SWG Stories
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Wednesday Warp
» A Single Southern Guy In America links with: Return of the Kiss

Current Thought...

...I saw a Werewolf drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic's, and his hair was perfect...

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Chilean Men...

...the Men in Chile must be some brave dudes.... try THIS CRAP around here, and you'll find yourself being strangled by a fat lady...

Fat woman wins drivers' licence back with diet

A 14-stone Chilean woman who was told she was too fat to drive has won back her licence after hiring a nutritionist to help her diet.

Gloria Retes, who is five foot three inches tall, was told by an official from Rancagua's traffic department that she was having her licence revoked as they believed her flab was a danger.

Mrs Retes, 46, has told the Las Ultimas Noticias newspaper that her attempts to embarrass the officials into returning her licence.

She said: "I cannot believe this is happening. I've been driving since I'm 19 and never had an accident! And the doctor who saw me had a belly bigger than mine!"

She says the licence has now been renewed after she showed them documentary proof that she had hired a nutritionist and plans to lose weight.

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Joke of the Day...

Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go

Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet

Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?

Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .

Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room

Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

Courtesy of Strange Cosmos...

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by Eric on Mar 02, 2004 | Comments(2) | TrackBack (1) | Jokes
» Les Jones's Blog-Like Web Product links with: Clicking Around the Web

MCIWS, Baby...

... I was just over at Sam's Brier Patch, and I noticed THIS POST on swimming... it was never an option for me... my Mother can't swim... and my Dad, even though a USMC Vet himself, only learned the basics... but me? I can not remember ever NOT knowing how to swim.... I was at the local watering hole, or swimming pool from before I can remember.... hell, I was swimming in competition from the time I was 8.... but, NOW, I can truly swim with the big dogs....

..after I joined the Corps, I went through the MCIWS course.... it took swimming to a whole new level, folks... you want to talk about badass, that training was rough.. our sessions consisted of 12 to 16 hour days... ALL of which were spent in the water, or on the edge of the pool doing leglifts while the instructor taught "class"... it was hard.. it kicked ass.. and, we loved every minute of it.... as a result, I learned quite a few new tricks... how to swim with my arms tied behind me, and my legs tied together... which, might come in handy if I'm ever in a "Deerhunter" scenario... and, more importantly, how to swim backwards.... hey, don't laugh.... it's a kinda modified breaststroke.... only in reverse... but, for the life of me, I can't understand WHEN exactly in combat I'd want to slowly back away from someone shooting at me...

..regardless, that's what I learned... quick.... to the point.. in your face... training... swimming for 16 hours a day... for two weeks.... sucks ass, people.... I'm here to tell ya... of course, as a result.... trying to drown me is a losing battle, friend.... far.. FAR better to shoot me.... tie my legs, tie my arms, put a sack over my head, and throw me in the river?... you'll be dead by morning after I swim my sorry ass out, and that's a fact.. much better to just shoot me and toss me in the nearest creek....

... a lot of good friends went through that little training session with me... many of whom, I keep in touch with... hell, I've still got the damn tee-shirt around here somewhere...... but, what gets me is this.... sometimes.. differences between people in regards to religion, color, background, social status... are all washed away.... in a heartbeat... by a mutual torture session at the hands of MGySgt Oberhelman... MCIWS rocks, people.... I'd recommend it to anyone..

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Poetry...

....ok.... I know that I posted this before... but, that was only in the text version... this here is the ACTUAL poem... you know those fridge magnet poetry sets?.... they are awesome... anyway, after one particularly interesting evening, I placed this one on my fridge.. where, it stayed for almost a year... I STILL think that it is my best fridge magnet poem ever.... I mean, sure, it ain't Byron or Longfellow, but damn... it's from the heart.. gimme a fucking break...

I especially like the last two lines.... but, that's just me...

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Joke of the Day

Fresh from Strange Cosmos...

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and contraception."

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower -case letters will become upper-case.

The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!

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WTF??

This is just horrible.... what ever happened to loving your parents?... or even, respecting your elders?...

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