Nashville Librarians..

... for those of you who have read my site for a while... you will remember that I have a certain soft spot for librarians... I don't know where I get it from.. but, that whole hair-up, ponytail, skirt, and eye-glasses... just really gets me going.. so, I thought I would just clue you guys in... I had a few minutes to spare this morning... so, what did I do while in beautiful Nashville?... stroll up Broadway?... visit the Charlie Daniels Museum?.... nope.. none of the above... what DID I do?.. why, cruise over to the Nashville Public Library, of course... after all, the quality of a City can be read by the cuteness of their librarians.... and, I must tell ya... I have not been disappointed... and, she's a brunette.. life is good, people....

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by Eric on Apr 30, 2004 | Comments(4) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» Welcome to Castle Argghhh! The Home Of One Of Jonah's Military Guys. links with: Oh.My.Good.Golly.Gee!

Gang Awa Tae Nashville..

...well, I'm heading out to Nashville... the Wife has got some business to attend to there... so, if anyone needs me, I will be in the bar at the Mariott on 4th Avenue North... Nashville, Tennessee... I'll be the guy slumped over an overpriced glass of single malt...

..in my absence, anyone who feels froggy enough... and has keys to the blog... feel free to spew your incessant drivel till I get back...

...gotsta go now, children... play nice... Daddy will miss you...

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Walk on the Wild Side..

.... I plan on retiring to Alaska... why?... well, it's still pretty wild up there... one of my Buds lives just outside Anchorage, and he's had Brown Bears walk through his back yard... that's just awesome... I want to live in a place were there are things in your back yard that can (and will) kill and eat you if they get the chance... I just love the idea of that....

..I would retire to Florida.. but, it's too damn hot down there.. although, according to this story, they do meet my qualifications....

A nearly 10-foot-long alligator bit a woman on the leg and arm and dragged her into a Sanibel lake Wednesday evening as she was gardening near the bank behind her home, Sanibel police said.

..see what I mean?... talk about adding a little excitement to your silver years.. heh...

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Results and Hits...

..for those of you retards who are interested, I managed to not only survive last night's poolfest, but I actually kicked some ass.. when one reaches the right balance of music and Scotch, the Meucci wand does, indeed, produce magic...

...oh, and go read Velocigod... now... do it, children.. you won't be sorry... trust Uncle Eric... go now... but, be careful... a word of advice... no matter how much he begs, don't sit in his lap....

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Weekly Pooltable Blog...

...damn, people... this is becoming a weekly ordeal... every Wednesday, I post about shooting pool... ahh, well... after last week, and the total asskicking I received, this week HAS to be better... on the upside, more desensitization to the Flea's effects has been performed this week.. so, that might help.... it certainly didn't last week... but, hope springs eternal, children...

... on the downside?... my arch nemesis, Steve, just went and got contact lenses.. the bastard.... his first prescription renewal in 9 YEARS... which means, basically, I have been getting my ass stomped by a friggin BLIND MAN for the past year... and NOW, he has 20/20 vision... I'm in for it, I can already tell... still, it IS my house... so, if it gets too damn bad, I'll just pull an Eric Cartman on their asses.... "Screw you guys, you're going home"... or something like that.... heh... so, with disaster on the horizon... I leave you with the Mother Of All Pre-Battle Speeches....

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

...sometimes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it takes a little Henry V to motivate the soul....

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Joke of the Day...

...fresh from the morning's e-mail... this little jewel...

You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parent's home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster.

This is such a nice letter from the President:

THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC

Dear John:

Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital has reported that you are doing fine.

I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents.

I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?

Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President

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Shipwrecked...

...well, how about this... heh... stranded on a desert island with such a fine group of people.... color me honored... only one worrying thing though... as with the crew of the Bounty... leaving a group of men like that alone with a group of women of that caliber... the result after 20 years of isolation would be fodder for an X-Files episode... in any case, I'm willing to give it a try... just show me to the boat, people...

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The Wind...

....as I started to mention earlier, it is WINDY today... not exactly the kind of day I would volunteer to ride an hour in a 6 seater Piper... but, alas, duty called, and I answered.... still, I suppose it beats the 4 hour drive... but, as I was telling my partner-in-crime today, the drive was actually really nice.... us hillbillies don't get a chance to see cotton fields very often... anyway, to cut to the chase, the plane jumped around the whole damn way back... serious jumpin' around.. SERIOUS... and, I loved every second of it... firstly, I met the pilot this morning, and helped him stow some cargo.. and, he was the kind of guy who immediately instilled confidence.... so, I figured I was in safe hands... and, I was.... secondly, I always figured that as soon as the plane took off, you were "dead"... so, you might as well enjoy it... you aren't going to be "alive" again until the thing lands... so, relax... enjoy the view... I mean, it's not like I could fly the damn plane if the pilot suddenly slumped over the yoke, right?... so, in my mind, why worry?... you're dead till you land... so, just relax...

...well, I was hungry as we boarded the plane... and, I had bought myself some good ole Middle Tennessee healthfood.... 2 corndogs, and a BBQ Pork sandwich from a local gas station... all to be chased down with a Mountain Dew... hey, shut up.. I know how to ride in style.... anyway, as we taxied, I was busy eating... as soon as we took off, I had already eaten the corndogs, and was busy with the greasy pork sandwich... the plane was jumping left.. right.. up...up... down... and, my Boss turns around... almost green, and says to me... "How can you EAT in a situation like THIS??"... what was my reply?..

.."Dammit... I sure as HELL ain't gonna die HUNGRY!"...

...well, that didn't do much to soothe their mind... so, we continued the rest of the flight with me trying to sleep... which I couldn't do... mainly because the shaking plane kept bashing my noggin against the headrest... and my Boss crossing the line between oaths, prayers, and some pretty damn good profanity every 30 seconds... heh... turbulence... you gotta love'em... ya know.. I don't mind being a passenger... but, I sure as HELL would not have wanted to be the pilot today...

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by Eric on Apr 27, 2004 | Comments(3) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» smokingtoaster.com links with: my pop

Reader Request...

...well, children... today has been a long day... a flight out to Middle Tennessee and back was... an adventure.... for those of you not in Tennessee right now, it is friggin WINDY!.... WHOO HOOO!... Magic Carpet Ride, indeed... man, I just love turbulence.. absolutely one of the coolest things around.... anyway, enough of that crap, I'll post more on today's escapades later.... a fellow netizen has asked me to link to their "Political Quiz"... well, I took it, and I'm sad to say that I am an Evil Commie Sympathizer Evil Archconservative... heh.. who'd a thunk it?...

...so, run along over to Don Hagen's place, and find out where you fit in the giant political scheme of things... it's worth a shot, and it's a good laugh...

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Talking of Billboards...

...after telling my little story about how much that billboard pissed me off... I had an idea... so, I scoured the net looking for some billboards... so, here, my gentle ones, check out what I found for your enjoyment...

...and... just for you wonderful Women readers out there....

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Ice Cream...

... gone are the days of quiet summer afternoons... hearing the gentle lilt of music coming from an approaching Ice Cream Van... where the children rush out to meet the sweet natured old man who drove through your neighborhood every day.... now, we get this...

"NEW YORK April 20 — A man who allegedly beat two competitors with a wrench in an attempt to take over their ice cream truck route was indicted Monday, prosecutors said.

Fernando Esparza, 51, was charged with attempted murder, assault and criminal possession of a weapon a large plumber's wrench in the March 27 attack on competitors Juana and Luis Marrero, Bronx District Attorney Robert Johnson said."

..charming..

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Just off I-75....

...as I was on my way to Nashville yesterday, I pulled off I-75 at the Lenoir City exit.. I had felt the need for a chili-cheese pup from the Krystal there, as you do....

...well, I'm sitting there waiting for traffic to clear so I can cross the road, when I suddenly notice a huge billboard... with two lonely, but highly offensive words on it...

"SMOKERS STINK"

..right there.. on the side of the I-75... what a load of shit... I immediately yelled, "BITE ME, you Bastard!"... to which, my Mother... who was sitting in the passenger seat watching traffic.. said... "Pardon!?", in quite a genteel Southern Lady kinda way...... "Just look at that billboard.." I said.... "Who in the hell do these people think they are?"... She grinned, and replied... "Well, people who smoke DO have a different smell about them..."..... "Well, Mom.. there IS a difference... I mean... what if I put up a billboard that said something like... 'Chocolate Milk Drinkers are Ugly'... eh, what would you think about that?"

... anyway, you get the point... opinions are opinions... and, billboards should be used to advertise the location of the nearest McDonalds... and NOT to voice some closet Nazi's opinions...

...when I finally arrived at the Krystal, I couldn't even enjoy my Chili-cheese Pup... damn, I was mad....

...I am seriously thinking of renting the billboard next to it.. and posting my own message... but, I am torn between... "BITE Me"... "SHUT UP"... and, "Come over HERE and say that, you pathetic little Nazi..."

...I mean, c'mon.. how much could it cost to rent that billboard?... of course, if I DID put up a billboard saying something like.. "Hippies Smell", I'd be run out of town on a rail, I suppose... but, it is ok for those same smelly Hippies to tell Me that I STINK?... fuck them... cowardly little bastards...

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by Eric on Apr 25, 2004 | Comments(10) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» Technicalities links with: Linky Luv

Hot Tamales...

...well, I saw this... and, I just HAD to put it up here... after all, isn't this site where you expect to find juicy tidbits such as this?... heh...

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican cook killed his drinking buddy, cut up his body and boiled him in herbs, according to police who fear he may have been turning him into tamales.

...incidentally, this is precisely the reason that I have never gone on a boozer with a Mexican chef... one can never be too careful these days....

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Anzac Day...

...one of my old Marine Corps buddies is coming down to visit in June... he and I were good friends when we were stationed in Alaska... but, when I PCS'd out to Scotland... he was sent to MCB Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii two weeks later.. to serve with 1st Radio Battalion...

...well, we have kept in touch over the years... and, I go up to visit him in Anchorage every other year or so... and, on our down years, he and his Wife come to visit Tennessee... this year, it's his turn.. they will be here shortly.. anyway, back to the story...

...he had not been at 1st Radio very long when he was deployed (I think with 11 MEU(SOC)) to Somalia... he, and a team of about 8 Comms/Elint/EW Marines set up a communications and collection point in Building One in Mogadishu....

...they did their jobs for a few months... and, when the time came, the Marines were pulled out of Mogadishu to be replaced with the US Army... well, once the Army took control of intel collection, NSA started complaining... they seemed to like the Jarhead Intel weenies better... so, that small team of 8 guys was sent back to Building One... leaving the US Army still in charge of security... in effect, stranding a tiny cadre of Marines in a sea of Soldiers...

...this cycle continued... the US Army was relieved of security for Building One, and replaced by the Australians... meanwhile, those intrepid 8 Jarheads remained in the upper floors of Building One.. continuing to do their jobs... collecting, and reporting back to NSA... I must say, those 8 guys did one helluva job... not only did they demonstrate the quality of USMC ELINT and Comms, they also had the opportunity to work closely with many of the UN Members' Armed Forces.. most notably, the Australians, the Turks, and the French Foreign Legion... all of whom provided security for Building One at various times...

...how the hell does all of this tie in to Anzac Day?... well, as History is often full of strange coincidences... my Buddy once told me a story that typical of most Military Operations....

...it seemed that the Australians had taken a shine to the 8 US Marines... they all got along great... and, as Anzac Day approached, the Marines began hearing stories of the incredible party being planned to celebrate the holiday... and, as an added surprise, there were going to be "Special Visitors" at the Anzac Day party this year...

...when the night arrived, and the ceremonies had been completed... of course, the beer began to flow... and then, the "Special Visitors" were announced... this being a UN Operation, it was announced that the Turks were going to be relieving the Aussies... on Anzac Day... so, in walk the Turks... who, as fellow soldiers, were welcomed with cheers... and, beer... to the Anzac Party... it must have been a surreal situation... but, in a way, a fitting one.... Australians and Turks... celebrating together... what was a victory for the Turks, and a bloodbath for the Aussies... yet, now... fighting for the same goals in Somalia... incredible... but, fighting men, regardless of their country of origin, are part of a brotherhood... mutual admiration, fear, and respect for the job...

...I wasn't there.. and, I am telling this story second hand... so, some of the details may be slightly askew... but, the story is true... so, Happy Anzac Day, everyone.... the sacrifice those brave troops made at Gallipoli should never be forgotten... the sacrifice of today's fighting men and women.. also... should not be forgotten... we owe them all a lot more than we could ever pay...

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Back from the Trip..

...well, here I sit... fresh back from visiting my Bro in Nashville.... he looked really good.... he is coming through his surgery really well.. but, he has one helluva scar.. still, he looked good.... he's back to bench-pressing 245.... and, he can still dunk a basketball left-handed... so.. cancer can kiss his ass, at the moment... two bouts of chemo.... two surgeries.... and, the boy is jumping around like a squirrel on crystal meth.... heh... he continually amazes the shit out of me....

...the drive, once again, was fabulous... Spring is incredible up on the plateau.... wild Wisteria was everywhere along I-40... purple and lilac blossoms the whole way.. my Mother drove her new "French Silk" colored LS, and therefore, she had control of the radio... which, normally is a problem.. but, she had been shopping.... so, we had the Eagles, Billy Joel, and Credence Clearwater Revival on display for the 7 hours we spent on the road...

...in any case, I'm back now... and, I must do my duty... during the drive today, I tried to think up some worthwhile prizes for you bastards who donate to the Glorious Fighting Fusiliers for Freedom campaign... and, I have come up with the following... (as prescribed by the Straight White Wife).... oh, and by the way, they are STILL taking volunteers....

...anyone who can prove that they donated monies.. ANY monies.... from a link on my site to our cause... will be allowed to propose a topic for a post.. all offers will be obeyed.... if you donate money, then request a topic, I will write at LEAST a 100 word post, in your honor... on that topic.... there... satisfied?...

..so.... now.... donate!

donatebutton.jpg


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New Tires....

...last week, I had new tires put on the ole buggy that I drive... that means that I only got 20K miles out of my Pirellis.... which sucks... it came from the factory with Pirelli tires...

...so, being busy at work one day, I relied upon my old Cousin, Big Daddy C, to help out a fellow traveler... I, you see, know nothing of machinery, cars, tires, and such... I have always found it easier to take the car to a professional mechanic... whereas; Big Daddy always performs his own maintenance.. it only seemed natural to let him choose my new tires... plus, he is notoriously tight.. so, I figured he'd get me a good deal... heh...

...well, like I said, I was inundated with helpdesk calls that day... and the Mail Server was down... so, I just tossed him my credit card, and directed him to Tirerack.com... told him to pick out some good ones, and go ahead and purchase them online...

...a few hours later, he arrived in my office with a big smile on his face... "I got your tires, Eric... they should be here in two days... I didn't choose those Pirellis, though... the Michelin ones seemed to be a much better tire... so, I got you for of them.. I got a pretty good deal, too... 188 bucks..."

...now, my dear ones, I was overjoyed with this news.... I knew that the Pirellis were almost 150 bucks each... so, having stared a possible 600 buck Vulcanized Rubber bill in the face, I was thrilled....

..."That's great, man! How'd you get them so cheap?"...

..."Well, I called up the dealership, and they wanted $230 for the same tire that was on Tirerack.com at $188... so, I bought you four of them.... I did some looking around, and that is the absolute BEST tire you can buy for your model of car..."

...and, that is when the penny dropped, quite literally... $188 each... yes, I said each... the sweet elation I had felt earlier.... the idea of getting a quality tire at a cheapskate rate.... was crushed by Big Daddy's words.. there was almost an audible "crunch" noise when it died... like the one you hear when placing the heel of a well-polished penny-loafer on a scrabbling Junebug.... then applying a little pressure.....

...but, upon further inquiry, he confessed that he was only looking out for my best interest.... you know what I mean.... the most comfortable ride... best - and safest - in all weathers... least road noise... etc... etc... so, I let him off the hook... but, I did learn one thing about people you perceive as tight with money... they are usually only tight with THEIR money... your money?... well, hey, that's a different story all together

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Alright, You guys try..

...since Harvey thinks that my idea for raising money sucks, I think it is time for something different... and, with that in mind, I will leave it to you, dear readers, to come up with an idea... so, what would it take from ole SWG to get you people to open up your musty old wallets?... hmmm?.... more scar photos?... a mp3 of a Robert Service recitation?.... a confessional post about that night at the Raymond Revue Bar in London's Soho?.... perhaps a custom post on the topic of your choosing?.... c'mon... since my idea was so shitty, YOU people tell me what you want...

...and, Velociman, you sick fucker, nothing involving harnesses or lubrication...

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by Eric on Apr 23, 2004 | Comments(6) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» Welcome to Castle Argghhh! The Home Of One Of Jonah's Military Guys. links with: Spirit of America Update.

Donations 2..

...as the battle wages, a city and a civilization are being rebuilt... as people die in battle, so are bonds of friendship and cooperation being formed... help the Marines help the people of Fallujah...

donatebutton.jpg

..and, as a little added incentive to all of you... if I have at least ..three five people donate three five dollars or more, I will answer five three questions from each donator... as long as you sneaky people can prove you donated.... so... out with it... wanna know the secret of life?... wanna know what I had for dinner?... donate, and then spill it, people... you ask, Eric answers.... and, if you don't want to ask a question, but still want to donate, that's cool...

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Dayum...

.... this is funny.... I'm sorry.. I really am... but, I have to admit that I laughed out loud...

"He was a big boy and obviously aroused," Alsop told the Sun newspaper on Thursday.

"He sidled up against us. The next thing I know he's banging away at the car and it's rocking like hell."

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Stuff I Heard Today...

...damn... sometimes, I just LOVE living in the South... and am PROUD to be a Southerner... here are a few snippets of Wisdom I overheard today during my various and sundry travels...

..."He was busier than a three-peckered puppy"... I have absolutely no idea what this means... so, don't bother asking...

..."He's his father's Son... kind hearted, but half retarded".... heh.. I know the kid.. AND the Father... and, yep... that was putting it mildly....

..."people around here?... well, they can be broke down into a few different categories... Creekers, Hillbillies, Knobites, Rednecks, Townies, and Foriegners"... in a simplistic way, it pretty much sums up the denizens of rural East Tennessee... present company included, of course...

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by Eric on Apr 22, 2004 | Comments(11) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» Gut Rumbles links with: southernisms

Donations...

...the fearless leader of the Fighting Fusiliers of Freedom, John of Argghhh, has called me to action... and, I am proud to serve... dig deep, people... it's for a good cause.... help our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines win through to absolute Victory in Iraq... they are there, after all, to ensure we continue to live in peace and freedom... so, run along... and, thank you...

donatebutton.jpg

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Wednesday Again...

....I have a cunning plan...

....normally, during my weekly mini-pool tournaments, we listen to laid back music... everyone kinda likes it... James Taylor, Neil Young.. mild stuff... keeps the tempo low... you know, the kinda stuff to keep the band of miscreants from running rampant through my garage... well, tonight it will be different.... yep, you guessed it... heh.... Red Hot Chili Peppers... maybe their jarring tunes will disorient my fellow drunks just enough to give me the upper hand... I have been desensitizing myself to the effects of the Flea for the past week... one can never be too prepared.... so, we shall see... although.... if they protest, and ask for Jim Croce, I'm fucking doomed....

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I'd Rather....

...fresh from the morning e-mail....

A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

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Random Violence...

... I am a peaceable fellow.... not really prone to violence... but, I can totally relate to this gentleman.... I once, in an alcohol fueled fit of rage, attempted to bladerunner a fellow jarhead... nasty business... but, the movie is a bust.. eyes are a LOT harder to rip from someone's grape than they depicted in the film... what a let down....

... all in all, tis better to live your life having not lost any body parts... even if it was just a nibble... for this reason, I refuse to get that piercing I've been contemplating... is the doughnut whole without it's center?.. I think not, friends... so, with that said, there will be no market for SWG Doughnut Holes... I shall die, dear friends, with all my bits.... I hope....

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Murder Most Foul...

...alright, people... whoever the hell invented the goddam Women's Entertainment Channel should be located immediately, and shot right between the eyes.. or, double-tapped gently with a 9mm... Military style... either way is fine, I don't care... THEN, we need to find the no-good sonofabitch who invented the Lifetime Movie Network... THAT Bastard should get it next... except, with them, they get slowly boiled in a vat of white vinegar first.... then, pulled out at the last minute to have their skin peeled off... out and out Death is too good for that prick/bitch... I want THEM to fucking SUFFER....

...the line for the lynch mob starts on the left, folks... these insidious chick flicks must be culled, and I mean NOW... evil is truly among us now, children..

...all able-bodied troops are ordered to form in the Kitchen at 1900 tonight for a briefing... Operation "Get Back The Fucking Remote Control" will kick off at 1930 sharp... after the victory, all wounded may retire to the Blogroom to await medicinal Scotch....

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by Eric on Apr 20, 2004 | Comments(21) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» Gut Rumbles links with: sexist pig

Punctuation...

...somehow, I have a feeling that this lady would have a friggin' stroke if she ever read my site.....

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WTF?...

...what kind of sick bastards are they growing out in Montana?...

...this kind, evidently...

...arm yourselves, people... the world is full of psychos..

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The Clarinet..

..I did this post back a few weeks ago... and, enjoyed it completely... the music.. the ride... the weather.... wonderful... and, just this morning, I get a message from someone who liked it too....

From Bob's e-mail.... after I told him that I "discovered" Bechet about 10 years ago...

Hi Eric: I've played clarinet since age 13 and I'm 75 now. I "discovered" Sidney around 1949 via his recording of Summertime on the radio program Midnight Special, then hosted by Chicago's Studs Terkel. I recently finished reading John Chilton's book "Sidney Bechet, The Wizard of Jazz" and can recommend it highly to anyone interested in SB's work and life. If he had only recorded Summertime and Petit Fleur it would have been sufficient legacy for music lovers. I came across Leonard's cd while searching on SB's records. I must say that it is a rare find and refreshing in its style. Also for SB admirers is Bob Wilber's Tribute to Bechet at the Smithsonian vhs tape. SB's few movie appearances are not highlights of his life by any means! Best Regards, Bob

..ladies and gentlemen... this e-mail made my day.. proof positive that there is a link between the ages..... I am 31... Bob is 75.... and, both of us can recognize the genius of Bechet... I don't play clarinet... but, Bob does.... maybe musicians like Bob - and I hesitate to call myself a musician - have a propensity for acknowledging THE TALENT.... I ain't got it... but, Sidney did... so, without further hesitation.... here is another selection of Bechet.. enjoy...

..the flirty... seductive... "Blues in the Air"....

..the deep.... crying.... "Blues in Thirds"....

..and, my personal favorite... the "Texas Moaner Blues".... to which, I often imagine is being played whilst I kick ass in my poolroom...

Update:.. all of these songs were recorded between 1940 and 1941... just in case you were wondering..

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Good Ole Bugs...

...a lot of reminiscing has been going on over at Velociman's abode.... and, I just read what Acidman had to say... hell... you know what?... both of them are right... Tom and Jerry can kiss my ass... Bugs and Daffy... they were the shit... I was brought up watching them... and, I was just remembering my personal favorite Bugs Bunny episode... Super Rabbit... I dare anyone to find a better episode featuring Bugs.... here is a little tidbit on the episode that I found over here... enjoy, children... enjoy...

The second short of the year was Chuck Jones' Super Rabbit, first released on April 3, 1943. In parody of the influential superhero Superman, who was at the time starring in a series of animated shorts by Fleischer Studios, Bugs gained super powers. This was a result of his consumption of super carrots, developed by Professor Canafrazz. His first mission was to face Cottontail Smith, a Texas cowboy notorious for his hatred of rabbits. This was also the last mission of Bugs as a superhero. In a bit of patriotism prevalent at the time Bugs abandons his colorful costume and proclaims. that "This looks like a job for a real super hero". Then he reappears wearing a uniform of the United States Marine Corps, at the time still involved in World War II.

..oh, and ... here are some quotes.....

..Cottontail Smith.. any relation there, Rob?

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Had Therapy?...

...hmmm... this article sure is an interesting morning read.... I guess getting inside someone's mind.. getting that "close" to someone... is kinda erotic... heh... word up, people... "sharing" is sexy...

"One survey found that 87 percent of psychotherapists (95 percent of men and 76 percent of women) admitted sexual attraction to clients "on occasion."

"The rest are lying. It's 100 percent," said Dr. Glen Gabbard, a Houston psychiatrist who wrote "The Psychology of the Sopranos" and treats therapists who have sex with patients. "

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New Favorite...

...well, I'm just sitting here trying to digest the excellent Veal Parmesan I had this evening... and, as usual... I'm listening to music, drinking Scotch, and reading blogs... but, what the hell, I'm in a sharing mood... the song I just listened to is worth letting you children in on.... so, I give you this... heh.... I'm sure that most of you, like I, have been here before.... enjoy.... oh, and this time, I'm including the lyrics.. so you can sing along, of course... so, take those cigarettes out of your mouths... charge up the lungs... and get to singing....

..written by Warren Zevon in 1987..

If you're all alone
And you need someone
Call me up
And I'll come running
Reconsider me
Reconsider me

If it's still the past
That makes you doubt
Darlin', that was then
And this is now
Reconsider me
Reconsider me

And I'll never make you sad again
Cause I swear that I've changed since then
And I promise that I'll never make you cry

Let's let bygones
Be forgotten
Reconsider me
Reconsider me

You can go and be
What you want to be
And it'll be alright
If we disagree
I'm the one who cares
And I hope you'll see
That I'm the one who loves you
Reconsider me

Let's let bygones
Be forgotten
Reconsider me
Reconsider me

And I'll never make you sad again
'Cause I swear I've changed since then
And I'll never make you sorry if you'll try
And I'll never make you sad again
'Cause I swear that I've changed since then
And I promise that I'll never make you cry

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Helpless...

... well, I journeyed up to Knoxville this morning... I stopped at the McDonald's on the Airport Motor Mile, and purchased two of everything on the menu.. hell, you never know what people are gonna want to eat... and, I didn't actually know how many people were going to be there... so, I bought a bit extra.... better to have too much... than not enough...

...I arrived at the UT Medical Center around 11:30... had a chance to see him at the 2 O' Clock visitation... man, he was hammered... he's gonna live.... he's gonna survive.. but, damn, he was hammered... broken left hand & wrist... broken left femur.. three broken ribs.. punctured left lung... crushed pelvis... broken hip.. he's one lucky man.... so, yeah.. he's going to survive.. but, learning to walk again is gonna be a real blast... still, he's cut from some fine cloth... and.. he will endure.... that much is in our blood....

...the time before visitation was spent talking to his Mother and Father... they are handling things very well... and, I swear, my Aunt should have a damn blog... when we went out to have a smoke, she ranted to me for almost half an hour about EVERYthing.. from idiots who can't afford to clothe their children for buying lottery tickets... to the difference between a Harley Sportster and a Suzuki Crotch Rocket.... she was pissed... and, she vented... it was cool.. hell, her son was up on the 2nd floor busted all to hell... so, she was given a wide berth as far as I was concerned... my family gets like that, I suppose... we don't start any shit... and, rest assured... 100% of the time... we certainly ain't gonna TAKE no shit.... we've always been fighters... but, sometimes... life throws some shit your way that you can't fight back to... I guess my family just has a hard time dealing with being utterly helpless...

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The Blogroll...

...Spring cleaning, people.... I updated my blogroll today.. so, if you fell off, please complain, and I will rectify... if you have linked me, and I haven't found you yet.. once again, complain, and I will rectify... if you aren't on there, and feel that you SHOULD be on there because you blog is so fucking terrific... you know the drill... complain, and I will rectify...

...after all, we're all about rectifying here at SWG....

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Aberlour...

...tonight, I will be sampling Aberlour for the first time... I'm looking forward to it.. I was just informed that my name is slated on the roster for cooking dinner tonight... and, a request has been made... so, spaghetti it is... one cannot turn down such a fervent plea for sustenance.... so, as the honorable fellow I am, the call shall be answered… hey, what can I say?… I like to see happy women…

...update.. with that said.. the Wife and I are sitting here listening to some Robbie Williams.... and, we'd like to dedicate this little song to all of our troops overseas... may they stay safe until coming home.... and, to the husbands, wives, and families here stateside.. consider this song for you as well... so, to all of you military families... have a good weekend...

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Gratitude...

…I owe one of my Uncles a great debt of gratitude…. He gave me a gift once… one that no one else could have… what was the gift?… well, because of him, we dug my Father’s grave…

…while my Father was battling cancer…. the Men of the family all decided that when my Dad finally passed… we would honor him by digging his grave by hand.. we had everything prearranged… the day after he died, we would all meet at the cemetery, and put in a full days work…. It would beat sitting around the house… it would give us something to do… and, in one way, it would be fitting for us to labor so hard for my Father.. he was always an incredibly hard worker… and was more well respected than any of us ever realized… but, when the day finally arrived, we had a meeting with the Undertaker, he convinced my Mother and I that it was not a good idea for us to dig the grave by hand…

…well… after we left the Undertaker’s office, we decided to drive by the cemetery to see the plot… it was a beautiful, sunny day… and, as we turned onto the little path towards his gravesite, there was my Uncle… digging… all alone… as we approached, he looked up and said… “I sure hope this is the right place…”… I couldn’t tell him that we’d changed our mind about digging… he had the whole grave about 6 inches deep… so, I just nodded to my Mother… told her to start making calls when she got back home… then, I took Uncle Ronnie’s shovel from his hands with tears in my eyes, and began digging…. Within half an hour, there were thirty Uncles, Cousins, and Friends helping dig… some manning shovels and wheelbarrows… some brought sandwiches… some brought drinks… some just came to be part of it…

…so, that was the gift that Uncle Ronnie gave to me… if he had not been there… by himself… digging alone… we would not have dug my Father’s grave by hand… we would have missed that wonderful day of brotherhood… that day of shared grief… that chance of giving tribute in work to my Father’s memory… and, until my dying day, I will be grateful to him for giving me that gift..

…I just received a call from my Mother… it seems that my Cousin has been in a bad motorcycle accident, and is currently up at the UT Medical Center on a respirator… so, we will be heading up there in the morning to relieve my Aunt and Uncle Ronnie for a few hours… but, as I sit here right now… after just hanging up the phone… I remember how grateful I am to my Uncle…. my Father’s Brother-in-law…. for the gift he gave me… we all have some debts that will never be paid in full…

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by Eric on Apr 17, 2004 | Comments(5) | TrackBack (2) | SWG Stories
» suburban blight links with: The Sac is Back!
» Stuff about links with: Gratitude

Yesterday...

...things often burst in upon us... be they good.. or bad... life usually is a bull in a china shop.. the key is to roll with the punches.. don't freak out.. maintain your cool... deal with the pressure of the moment... and just maintain, man... yesterday was such a day... coolness was maintained... but, the after effects were very interesting... sometimes, it seems, calmness can be viewed as indifference...

...once I arrived home last night... long after the day's situation had passed... a mood fell over me... I get it sometimes after the pressure is gone, and the mission has been accomplished... kinda like a post-incident boredom... hard to explain...

... what is the cure for me?.... well.... last night, a combination of fine Scotch... relaxing music... and good company... all brought me back to the fore.. as I mentioned here, way back in December, this song depressed me... last night... with the Wife and I singing it together as we cooked dinner, it had the opposite effect... funny, that... same song.. same singer... different outcome.... so... enjoy, people....

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Uh oh....

...shit... I knew that taking this test was gonna... uh.. reveal... a bit more than it should... but, what the hell... you only live once, people.... so, which Betty Page am I?.... heh...


You're Nude Bettie. People see you as outgoing and
maybe a bit wild. Your often hyper and always
up for some crazy fun!


Which Bettie Page Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

.. yeah, I know I posted two quizzes back to back... so what?...

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Friday Quiz..

....courtesy of the Closet Extremist.....

statler jpeg
You are Statler or Waldorf.
You have a high opinion of yourself, as do others.
But only because you are in the balcony seats.

ALSO KNOWN AS:
Those two old guys in the box.
SPECIAL TALENTS:
Heckling, complaining, being cantankerous

QUOTE:
"Get off the stage, you bum!"

LAST BOOKS READ:
"The Art of Insult" and "How To
Insult Art"

NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT:
Their pacemakers.


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...heh.... color me happy....

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Air America??...

...anyone ever heard of Mark Air?...

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Update....

...go and check out Jake... he's killer.. but, remember, dear readers... be gentle... he's fresh from the blog-egg... hatched just yesterday.... so, even IF he only has one post up, he's up on his legs... get over there and visit... AND, he thinks I am "twiested"... whateverthehellthatis.... I dunno, personally.... but, it sounds preeeeeety damn kinky... enjoy, folks.... and have a good laugh... he's new, and he's gonna be hilarious.... hat tip to Big Stupid Tommy for the head's-up.....

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Joke of the Day...

...fresh from the morning e-mail...

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Ahh, Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake."

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police offiicer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this... two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by a walking sticks.

Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.

She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes!

She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!" ..and He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the oldcouple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, he says to them. "That was something else, youmust have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric

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Swinging...

...in my "About Me" page, I mention that I have enjoyed, on occasion, a skinny dip or two... usually at some local river or lake... sometimes, even in a swimming pool.... well, this morning, I read THIS... and, I have to tell you... it's a bit depressing... I hope that when I am 60 years old... I still have the ability to swing naked from a riverside rope... while accompanied by a female doing the same thing...

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Pooltable Results...

...well, I surprised the hell out of myself... I won, 4 to 5 over my arch nemesis, Steve... so, in case you were wondering, I rocked.... the lion was not fed after all.... and, I survived to fight another day.... having said that, it is a wonderful day outside... and, I am going to the range this afternoon to exercise my AR-15... I'll get back to you soon with rich tales of rifle cleaning, getting bore cleaner on my keyboard, and the smell of gunpowder on a sunny afternoon... heh... later...

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Another reason I carry...

.... check this out.... an absolute lunatic... just another reason I carry, people... man, the world is FULL of crazy bastards.... and, you'd better be prepared to defend yourself....

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Research Project...

...wow.... research?... unreal... some people have all the luck, I suppose....

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Wednesday Poolfest...

...here we go again, Boys and Girls.... Wednesday evening is upon us... the Wife is baking some Halibut.... my proverbial last meal of fish before meeting the Roman court... so, I shall at least be well fed before being thrown to the lions and jackals that visit my garage on every 7th day...

...as is the norm, I will post the results of tonight's bloodbath either later today... or.. in the sober light of the morning.. either way, I fear that the news shall not be good.. my pool playing ability, much like my guitar playing, has been in a funk as of late... I just gotta get inspired, I suppose....

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A Protest...

....PETA should take a card from this woman's playbook... if you are gonna protest something.. and you are remotely attractive... then, don't hold signs and chant... the LEAST you can do is to be entertaining while you're protesting.... what the World needs is more nekkid protesters...

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Time for Watching....

...dammit, people.. what the HELL are you doing here?.. Band of Brothers is on the History Channel.... get off here, and go read....

...that is all...

...G'night.... you bastards......

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Taxes...

...I had my taxes done today... and man, they must have seen me coming... as has happened the past two years, I was raped... viciously... by a sweet, gray-haired old lady named Betty.... of course, it wasn't her fault really.... but, the outcome was the same... I owe 1.5K to be paid by tomorrow's High Noon...

...I don't mind paying taxes... I really don't.... as long as I have enough money to stay warm, dry, keep myself in plenty of Single Malt, and purchase the occasional Porn Website access, I'm cool.... hey, what can I say?... I'm a simple kind of guy... but, what gets me is that after LAST year's fiasco, I thought 2003 would be a walk in the park... and in all truth, Brothers and Sisters, I was mistaken....

...a conspiracy is afoot, I'm afraid... way back in the day, I lived overseas for 8 years... blissfully ignorant of the long arm of the IRS, I never filed my US Income tax... in my simple Tennessean mind, I had not earned any money in the US, so why the hell did I need to file taxes?... well, 8 years after the fact, I begin proceedings to get the Wife's paperwork in order for Legal Alien status... (yeah, I still get loads of mileage out of calling her a Alien... Legal, of course)... and, lo and behold, the US Embassy asks me for my last three years Tax Forms... "Tax Forms?", says I, "WHAT Tax Forms??".... it would be a gross understatement to say that they were not amused...

...so, to cut a long and cheerful story short, I had to file my taxes... all 8 years.... in the same damn envelope.... so, I kinda figure that I am on some IRS Shitlist somewhere...

...last year, being Income Tax Virgins, we filed our first time... and, like most stories of Virginal Innocence being lost, it was a nightmare... the outcome? ...seemingly, neither of us had enough withheld... so, we had to cough up 1.2K... so, being that one painful lesson usually teaches your dumb ass, we decided to get our employers to up the Gov's skimming of our weekly wages... thwart those evil bastards by topping up their coffers 10 bucks at a time... and then, laugh come April next year...

...well, that was the plan... and, unlike Baldrick's, it was not cunning in the least... we let slip our overtime.... raises.... etc.. and even with extra money coming out every week, we STILL fell short... dammitalltohell... so, here I sit.. wondering where my plan fell apart... taxes... damn... the absolute ONLY reason I can think of to hate Spring....

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Getting Old...

...well, hell... we've talked about Pandas and Otters already in the past few days, so why not talk about that damn mouse from CNN....

...136 years old... wow... engineered to live longer.... sorry folks, but I don't like where that is heading... pretty soon, they are gonna try that stuff on us... I don't think I WANT to live to be a 100... a nice, quiet 75 would be just fine with me...

..but, I do have to hand it to the writer of the article... I mean, just check out this sentence.....

"Yoda's cage mate, Princess Leia, is a much larger female who uses her body warmth to keep the dwarf mouse from freezing to death. "

..now that is just strange, man..... 136 years old... and only surviving because a big fat lady rat keeps him "warm".... poor mouse....

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Prepare to be Boarded...

...BWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA.....

""I don't think I've ever rowed harder in my entire life as I did trying to escape the otter -- that devilish creature had already attacked Scott and now it was coming back for more," said Noah Riner '06, who was in the second varsity eight at the time of the incident."

..hmmm... maybe if instead of "pushing" it back into the water with the oar, they'd have given it an almighty WHACK, it would have left them alone... but, I must report that no otters were harmed in the writing of this post....

Update: SWG does not condone randomly beating otters with oars... BUT, if one tries to bite me, I'm gonna thump it, rest assured....

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Belgians....

....sorry, folks... but, I laughed out LOUD about this one..... the Belgians and Norwegians are getting seriously fucked... and, the way it sounds, not totally against their will.... mmmm.. Estonian Hookers.... sorry, folks, supply and demand, baby... supply and demand....

"Prostitutes take $35 an hour from Lithuanian citizens, while NATO troops are asked to pay $125 an hour," he said, calling it a clear case of discrimination. Prostitution is illegal in the country of 3.5 million residents. "

..yep... a clear cut case of discrimination... the bastards.... don't they know those Belgians are there to HELP?.... heh... then again.. maybe Belgians have enormous shortarms.. thus, the gross overcharge for the trouble... but, on the other hand, maybe they are just suckers....

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Courtesy...

....there ain't enough of it around anymore... so, thanks to Big Stupid Tommy for reminding us.... with this little story from Middle Tennessee... that, chivalry lives..

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Quote of the Day...

....today's quote comes from this article... an interesting little book review, if you care to have a read....

"Though sophisticated and highly trained, when they were faced with the prospect of discussing the history of masturbation with the students, many of them blanched. Coprophagia wouldn't have fazed them at all, sodomy wouldn't have slowed them down, incest would have actively interested them—but masturbation: please, anything but that."

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Easter Dinner...

...today was a break from tradition here in Tennessee... as far back as I can remember, the various holiday grubfests were hosted by the great Matriarchs of the family... Great Grandma Delcie.... Great Aunt Louise... Grandma Ruby... but, in the past 10 years, the baton has been passed to the generation of my Mother and her Sisters... today however, a new page was turned... Cousin Scott hosted the Easter Feast.. that's right, children.. this very day, the baton of responsible hosting was passed to MY generation...

...sure, it is one thing to have a party at your house... invite a few friends over, and booze it up... being a cordial host for your extended family during the holidays?... now THAT is different story... I sat there today... watching 5 generations of my kin... fill Scott's home with stories and laughter... maybe we are indeed coming of age, our generation... he and his Wife did a helluva job... no one went hungry... no one got shot.... and Easter was celebrated... sure, the day had it's hiccups... faulty grill... running low on drinks... etc... but, in the final analysis, it was a great day... all problems were taken in stride... no dramas... smiles all around... even though the gentle April rain kept the young Cousins from hunting Easter Eggs... they didn't seem to mind...

...being a good host is an art... today, the job of familial hosting was passed to me and my Cousins.... I hope to handle my task, when assigned, with such grace and dignity...

...Happy Easter, everyone....

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Glowing...

...some women just glow…. They radiate…. I know you all have heard people say things like… “she walked into the room, and lit it up”… well, it is true… I have seen it…I see it every day… and, some people do just that… what am I going on about?… well, I just read this, and I agree.. but, only partially….

…I don’t know exactly what it is… and, I’ve tried to pin it down in my mind… but, the old adage of beauty only being skin deep is flawed…. Beauty comes from a deeper place.. you can keep your damn Max Factor commercials…. I have seen beauty… and, no amount of make-up or fine clothes can make it happen…

…what is attractive?… is it the slight pupil dilation that you notice when She looks at you?…. is it the quickening of your heartbeat when you see Her smile?…a smile that is born of complete trust?… of complete joy?… is it the way that She never realizes she is utterly stunning?…. these things are attractive, people…

…beauty is pheromones… beauty is seeing joy reflected in Her face…. beauty is seeing strength of character hidden behind swimming blue eyes… beauty is the courage in Her face as she bites her bottom lip… beauty is the way Her ass sways when she walks.. (and that you are gonna love to watch no matter HOW big it gets).... beauty is an attitude…. beauty just IS… so, what makes women attractive?... I really don't know... what makes them beautiful?... a lot more things than we realize.. it's hard to describe... but, some women just glow…

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After Action Report..

...well, I survived the Hiwassee excursion... but, only just.... the human body was not meant to drink that much Maker's Mark, Old Charter, Crown Royal, and Natural Light Ice.... it was most definitely a Bourbon kinda party... Scotch would have been out of place... so, the hangover this morning was of proportions usually reserved for biblical plagues...

...on the bright side, I can say that I had a chance to meet some fine people... all of them new acquaintances... with the exception of Kenny... and, I managed to get to play with some fine musicians... a first for me was having a harmonica accompany me as I sang "A Pirate Looks at Forty"... it was a wonderful time....

...Kenny came over today, and we played a little pool... but, both of us were in that well trod "fragile" place that often happens after a night of cheap bourbon.. so, no drinks were consumed whilst playing... still, the memories created last night were well worth the after effects that the morning brought.... heh... good times, people... good times....

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One Word...

...hungthehellover....

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Hiwassee...

... I'm heading up the beautiful Hiwassee River today to meet some friends... I plan on spending the day playing guitar and drinking beer.... so, no blogging until later tonight... hey, I'm a selfish bastard sometimes... oh, and trout shall be cooked later tonight, and consumed on the riverbank... there will be much rejoicing... so, bye for now, kiddies.... play amongst yourselves....

...damn.. I just realized something.... friends.. music... beer... fresh trout... blue skies... springtime... man, sometimes, my life just really is shit...

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Quiz Time...

I just found this over at Lawren's place.... heh...

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Memphis
Belt Buckles and Boots. You'll give a hoot and hollar but you 'll never give up your core values.

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by Eric on Apr 09, 2004 | Comments(6) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» Random Fate links with: Yet another quiz...
» Classical Values links with: Divine grammarian sends ugly chick to Seattle!

I'm gonna Kill it...

...you know what?.. I've been sitting here for half an hour reading blogs.... and, the whole damn time, this little moth is flying around my room.... I can't take my eyes off the little bastard.... it goes to the window... it goes for the monitor.. it divebombs my feet... I suspect it is trying to sneak into my Scotch.... and, every time it gets near, I leap to cover my glass to keep it from stealing any of the Amber Nectar.... this shit is getting old.... time to die, mothboy... hang on a second....

...heh... he was easy... deadsky meatsky.. but, you know what?... I don't feel remorse... I feel quite happy... nature must have hardwired us to want to kill moths.... to need to kill moths... after all, they fly in such a retarded hap-hazard way... zigging here, and zagging there... hell, moths give flying a bad name.... now, mind you, if it had been a big ole green Luna Moth or something, I'd have let it go... but, being a small, grayish looking varmint, it stood no chance against the mighty Straight White Guy's Hand-O-Death.... still, there must be divine implications in this blog... to smite, or not to smite, I suppose.... big and green?.. you survive.... small and gray?... the smackdown awaiteth...

...but... sitting here now, I suppose that my deed does not bode well for my future... for, as surely as I have crushed the insignificant gray moth... on someone's list, I most likely am not a Luna... still.... there is no point in waxing philosophical about all this... after all, it was irritating me... so, fate demanded that it must perish by the smackdown... mourn not for the moth... it is the way of things.... heh.. ask not for whom the bell tolls, baby.... it tolls for thee....

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A Sad Day...

...what is this world coming to?.... evidently, this would have been a crime even behind closed doors... man, that is just depressing....

"NEWPORT NEWS - A Newport News woman charged with a felony for receiving oral sex in a car is challenging a state law that prohibits certain types of sex between consenting adults.

A police officer says he found the 21-year-old woman in a parked car receiving oral sex from a man about 3 a.m. Jan. 29. Both were charged with a felony under the statute for crimes against nature. "

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A Question..

.... something has been bothering me about all this bloggin' business.... way back in the day... when I got my first link from Acidman, it was told it was an "Acidbath"... much like an Instalanche, only cooler and more prestegious... so, I have some questions for some of my blogbuddy heroes.. and, mainly, that is.... what do you call - correctly - a link from you bastards?

...for instance.. when Velociman links me, and I get hits galore... what is the term?... have I been Veliciman'd?... have I been Velociffied?... what?....

...and, Matt O' Blackfive... once again hits all over the place when linked.... so, what the hell, man?.... is it Blackfived?.... is it a Blackfive-a-lanche?....

...oh, and John of Argghhh... what in the HELL do you call it?... you have GOTTA come up with a name for the links you send.... have I been "ARGGHHH'ed"?....

...so, c'mon, bigdogs.. out with it.... if Rob gives an Acidbath, what do y'all serve up?

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Last Zevonorgy...

...I promise.... well.... maybe promise is too strong of a word.... this week... yeah, maybe that is more fitting.... anyway, Mr. Bad Example requested some more Zevon songs.... two of which are personal favorites of mine... ahhh *sigh*... the times that I have imagined myself walking into a gin-joint in Mombasa armed with a fedora, a pink carnation, and a Thompson Gun...

...oops.. sorry, where was I?.... drinking gin, no doubt.... anyway, here are Harvey's requests.... so, Ladies and Gentlemen... here you go....

....Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner...

....Excitable Boy....

....and, just because LeeAnn is such a babe, this one is for her....

....Werewolves of London... you rock on, LeeAnn...

...now, go away... time for Scotch, Lasagne, and Discovery Channel.... so entertain yourselves while I'm away... and, don't stain the carpet....

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Extinction....

...I'm sorry, people... but, I've just gotta get this off my chest... Giant Pandas deserve to die... I'm sorry, but it is the truth.. I don't want to come across as cold hearted... I mean... yeah, sure.. .they are sweet looking... kinda cute... but, there is more to life than sitting around in a zoo looking cute... here are two things that I have found out about Giant Pandas lately...

..according to Tennessee Ruck, Giant Pandas are so damn lazy that they won't even get up to take a crap... that's just wrong...

..secondly, I just found this article... and people, any animal... ANY animal that has no interest in making whoopee... well... it's just a waste of friggin' space...

..so, in summation, any animal that (a.) rolls arond in thier own shit because of an attitude problem, and (b.) can't even be bothered to get off with a hot'n'sexy female Giant Panda... well, they don't deserve our tears, gentle readers...

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Sweet Lawd....

...I am number friggin ONE on the google search for .... *wait for it*..... "PERT JIGGLING BOOBIES"... damn, I am so proud I could just fucking bust.... eat your heart out, Harvey.....

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Expand your Vocabulary..

....I remember the first time I landed at the airport in Glasgow... Prestwick.. I immediately headed for the bar - as you do.... upon arriving, an elderly gentleman noticed my USMC uniform, and walked up... he said something to me totally unintelligble... smacked me on back, and bought me a beer... he musta talked to me for 15 minutes.... I never understood a word he said... I just smiled, nodded, and drank my beer.. he never quit talking though.. but, bought me another beer, slapped me on the back about 5 times during the conversation... and, the only word I actually understood was "Texas"... I guess that goes to show you how much some of the Scots appreciated and remembered either the Alamo, or our presence during WWII.. in any case, I gradually came to understand some of the local dialects.... I've got Glaswegian down... Aberdonian down.... although, Dundonian will forever be a language of mystery.... so, once again, in honor of Tartan Day... here are some handy Scots words and phrases for you to ruminate over... hell, maybe even throw them into your next conversation to add a little Caledonian Spice....

Blether: to speak indistinctly; to talk nonsense; to prattle on....
...usage: "He wouldnae shut up! He just kept blethering!"

Blatherskite: a babbler; a foolish talker....
...usage: "What a blatherskite... someone should smack'im"...

Glaikit: senseless; silly; giddy... pronounced "glay-kit"
...usage: "Yep, he sat there through the whole debate with a glaikit look on his face...and, the other guy was a keechie blatherskite"....

Keech: dirt, shit, to void yourself of excrement.... pronounced Key-kkhh
...usage: "What a load of keech... politicians have keech for brains"..

Footer: to bungle; to work hastily, unskillfully and in a manner that calls for contempt...
...usage: "Stop footering about, and write a REAL blog entry, you bastard!"

Foost: anything useless or needless; a dirty fellow, one who breaks wind
...usage: (directly from the Straight White Wife, "My husband is foosty")... actually, she's sitting on the couch reading these to me from a Scots dictionary... and, I think she's blatherskiting..

....so, y'all have a good night, Happy Tartan Day.... and, wipe that glaikit look off your fizzogs...

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Scots Quotes...

...further to the theme of Tartan Day... here are some fine examples of the Scottish wit... of which, the Straight White House has been lacking as of late.... so, in further celebration of everything Scottish, I raise my glass to you all...

"There is nothing the Scots like better to hear than abuse of the English"
Pope Pius II (1405-1464) after a visit to Scotland in 1435.... (heh... things haven't changed much over the years...)

"There are few more impressive sights in the World than a Scotsman on the make."
J. M Barrie (1860-1937)

"A typical Scot has bad teeth, a good chance of cancer, a liver under severe stress, and a heart-attack pending. He smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and regularly makes an exhibition of himself"
Alan Bold (1943-)

"There is something in Burns for every moment of a man's life, good days and bad."
H.V. Morton (1892-1979)

"Rab C. Nesbitt: Know the best thing yi can say about Rothesay? At least it isnae Dunoon. What a gaff that is, by the way. All the atmosphere of the interior of a wardrobe. Built for the nuclear age. Only toon in the hemisphere to have achieved total meltdown of the human spirit. Even saying the name makes yi feel as if its started drizzling on the roof of your mouth. Dun-oon!"
Ian Pattison (1950-)

"Equality is the soul of Liberty; there is, in fact, no Liberty without it"
Frances Wright (1795-1852)

"There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is Malt Whiskey"
F. Marian McNeill (1885-1973)

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Tartan Day...

...alright... all you Scots, and people of Scots heritage... get over to Absinthe and Cookies and have a look around... today is Tartan Day... a holiday which honors the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath on April 6th, 1320... a document which has shaped many political thinkers... even still to this day, it is recognized as one of the first "Declarations of Independence".... more importantly, it shows a kernel of the idea that... you owe your allegiance and loyalty to your COUNTRY... instead of your Master....

"For as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom — for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself."

..Scotland is a small nation.. but, it's impact on the history of the World... the vibrant creativity of her citizens... and the gift of Single Malt Whiskey to all of us... is a debt that we shall never fully repay....

...Sláinte...

...oh, and I almost forgot.. here is a list of everyone who is participating... a fine looking crowd, if ya ask me...

Absinthe & Cookies
Ninjababe's Ramble
Jen Speaks
Frozen In Montreal
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love
Grim's Hall
Miss Apropos
Jackalope Pursuivant
Accidental Verbosity
Right Wingin-It
Drowning at 2 Feet Sea Level
Straight White Guy
Hard Times
TacJammer
BabyTrollBlog
Triticale
Laughing Wolf
Da Goddess
ChristWeb
Mudville Gazette
I Love Jet Noise
Sekimori.org - Live Blog
Swanky Conservative
Arguing With Signposts
G'day Mate
Sketches of Strain

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Hot Dayum....

..Ladies and Gentlemen... Damen and Herren.... I am #7 on the AOLSEARCH for "Ladies Caboose"....WHOOO HOOOO!....

...sorry.. I just thought y'all might like to know... oh, and while I'm at it... the post it is referring to?..... well, it has one of my favorite comments attached... FAVORITE comments, gentle readers... by none other than the beautiful and talented Ms. Juliette... one of my very first linkers..... what did she say to that infamous post?.... pure poetry.... genius.... classic, friends.....

Darling Juliette.... do you remember?.... harumph.... probably not... but, AOLSEARCH does...... so, with all thanks to Time Warner for reminding me.... the comment was... and, in her usual cut to the bone way.... a more true comment was never made...

"It's always about the booty"...

..true, friends.... true.. it IS always about the booty... we may not admit it... but, it is...

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What I'm Hearing..

...ever wonder what is going on in the blogroom here?.... no?... yeah, that's what I figured.... bastards... anyway... I'm listening to some more Zevon.. and, since Harvey wanted to sample some more of his penultimate collection... here goes...

"I was in the house when the house burned down"....

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer"....

and, the incredible...

"Dirty Little Religion"...

...that's it, kiddies... that's all for tonight... but, stay tuned tomorrow for another post of requests... most notably "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner"... and "Excitable Boy".... two more classic Zevon experiments....

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Easter...

...you know, as far as holidays go, Easter is one of my favorites... not because of the religious connotations... but, quite simply because Spring is here... I like Spring... I like Autumn better, but Spring will do.... right now, as I sit here, the dogwoods are blooming... two crazy bluebirds are chasing each other around all over the lawn... I'm not sure if one is chasing the other off... or chasing it down... after all, Spring IS the time for love...

...oh, that reminds me.... remember the friggin Easter Bunny?... well, last night "Ginger The Cat" produced the prettiest little bunny you've ever seen... yep... laid that sucker right down in the garage... and then, he looked up at us with those creepy green eyes.. as if to say... "what?.. you had a burrito last night, you bastard... hey, this is the same thing.. except for cats..."... of course, at least my cow-filled burrito was yummy.... the bunny didn't look that damn appetizing...

...so, standing there in my garage... looking at a steaming bunny... freshly missing a head... I suddenly found myself wandering through thoughts of Spring... you know what I'm talking about.... newborn bunnies... blooming dogwoods.... calm and balmy weather.. tulip bulbs... daffodils... and, love in the air... then, it suddenly hit me....

...I guess... as we trundle through our lives.. most of us never see Ginger closing in.... ahhhh... Spring... what a wonderful time of year.... sucks to be a bunny, though....

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Joke of the Day...

The Good - The Bad - The Ugly

It Can Always Be Worse


1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

...courtesy of Strange Cosmos....

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Rossetti...

...well, what little street cred I had is gonna be GONE after tonight.... this little box just keeps popping out classics... I remember this one so well... She was a beauty, by the way... and, no, I never even spoke to her...

Sudden Light

I have been here before,
But when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell,
The sighing sound, the lights around the shore.

You have been mine before,--
How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow's soar
Your neck turn'd so,
Some veil did fall,--I knew it all of yore.

Has this been thus before?
And shall not thus time's eddying flight
Still with our lives our love restore
In death's despite,
And day and night yield one delight once more?

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

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Arnold...

...oh, and the hits just keep on coming... for those of you who are anti-poetry, you might not want to come around tonight... because, at the rate I am finding this stuff, we are going to have a steady stream.... heh... this one is a beauty, though... ahhhh... the theme?.... universal... Unrequited Love, baby... I was one sappy 16 year old.... but, upon finding this poem in my stack of papers... I was suddenly moved again... so, with my box of memories open for all to see... I give you Mr. Arnold...

Longing

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth,
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say, My love why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Matthew Arnold

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Poe...

... why? ... because I'm just in that kind of mood, that's why... yesterday, my Mother called me... she asked me to come over for a visit.... when I arrived, she had a box of old papers... letters... newspaper clippings... photos... stuff from my childhood... and, she said that she wanted me to have them... so, I spent most of yesterday afternoon... and all of this morning... going through all of it.... it has been a real trip down memory lane...

...here is just one of the gems that I re-discovered... I had written it down in an old notebook...

To One in Paradise
1834

Thou wast that all to me, love,
For which my soul did pine-
A green isle in the sea, love,
A fountain and a shrine,
All wreathed with fairy fruits and flowers,
And all the flowers were mine.

Ah, dream too bright to last!
Ah, starry Hope! that didst arise
But to be overcast!
A voice from our the Future crise,
"On! on!"- but o'er the Past
(Dim gulf!) my spirit hovering lies
Mute, motionless, aghast!

For, alas! alas! with me
The light of Life is o'er!
No more- no more- no more-
(Such language holds the solemn sea
To the sands upon the shore)
Shall bloom the thunder-blasted tree,
Or the stricken eagle soar!

And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy grey eye glances,
And where thy foorstep gleams-
In what etheral dances,
By what eternal streams.

E.A. Poe

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by Eric on Apr 04, 2004 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» The Brier Patch links with: Just That Kind Of Mood

Free Enterprise....

...once again... young dreams are quashed by THE MAN.... young, budding entrepreneurs stifled... on the very cusp of turning a profit... what IS this world coming to?...

"Two 15-year-old boys were ordered Tuesday to pick up trash for the next five Saturdays for selling 18 pornographic DVDs for $10 each at St. Xavier High School. "

...and....

The boys told the magistrate they "wanted to make some easy money," and apologized for what they did.

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Blogger Sins....

...time for some linky love...

...just a few appalling confessions I've found today..

...the indomitable Key Monroe has scored a new low.. as you all know, I pride myself on my creative loafing abilities.. true laziness is an art... but, if you wanna talk sloth, she takes first prize...

...I have it on good authority that ole Jimbo of Parkway Rest Stop has been... how can I put this, Brothers and Sisters?... it's almost too horrible to mention... he's been GAMBLING!!...

...Agatha is overcome with LUST... pure and simple... the girl is a menace!!.. hide the chaise lounge... quick!

...Dax Montana... what can I say?... THIEVING again... pilfering a prized artifact... oh, the SHAME....

...the gloriously decadent Everlasting Phelps is telling LIES... LIES, I tell you... repent now, you fool, before it's too late!!....

...and lastly... Brothers and Sisters.... to all who are gathered here today.... I give you The Comment Party at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon..... sin by the bucket loads... quite literally.... a more lustful environment has never been created in all of cyberspace...

...now that you all have been warned of the evil, corruption, and moral degradation that exists in the blogosphere.... close down your internet connections immediately!... before it is too LATE!... I'm in too deep, but you can still save yourselves!!

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Blogging Drunk..

..you ever wake up in the morning and look at your blog?... see the insanity of the past night of drunken blogging?.. and think to yourself...in a quiet still voice of soberness...

"HOLY SHIT! I gotta delete this post right NOW before my two readers show up!"

...so... you happily delete the offending post.. you know... the one where you told the story about the time you got caught diddling the Preacher's daughter down at the lake the time you got really, REALLY drunk... and, you are quite sure that no one saw the post... so, you commence the morning cruise of the blogroll.... only to find you left comments on other sites that consisted of highly intelligent one-word bits... such as..... "DANG!" ... "WOW"..... and, the ubiquitous... "Yep"...

..blogging drunk isn't always fun.. but, damn... it sure as hell provides for some interesting morning reading..

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Sidney Bechet...

...well, I'm fresh back from my journey... absolutely wonderful drive down I-24 from Chattanooga towards Nashville... then, onto I-64 to Winchester... beautiful country... the weather was incredible... Middle Tennessee... near the Alabama border.... Cotton Fields.... Antebellum houses... and, Sidney Bechet sounding out the Bose... one helluva a pleasant drive... both ways...

...for those of you cretins who haven't had the pleasure of ole Sid, let me attempt to educate y'all a little.... Mr. Bechet was born in New Orleans in 1897… by the age of 11, he was playing with Bunk Johnson’s Eagle Band… with permission from his Mother, he played the infamous Storyville clubs up until meeting King Oliver at the tender age of 16… later, he became King among the New Orleans clarinet and soprano sax players…

THIS, for instance… is one of my favorites… Blues in Thirds is the name… and, for your listening enjoyment… I give you… Blues in the Air… an incredible piece of early Jazz…. But, my all time Bechet fav is Texas Moaner Blues…. Listen to it, children.… as I discovered on a two lane road flanked by cotton fields, Bechet was in touch with God…. and God loves the soprano sax….

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