Stand By....

...well, as with most things in life, change is a natural progression... so it is with SWG... I have just changed my DNS server entries to point me to the beautiful land of Munuvia... I have my passport ready... plenty of chewing gum for the flight... and, an old copy of Military History Magazine to read in the departure lounge.... so, if my site acts more fucked up than usual over the next 24 hours, just hang in there... soon, all will be well with the world... that is all...

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Just plain Weird..

...ok.... as I say here occasionally... some days, you get up.. start reading the news, and just want to go back to bed.... take this, for instance...

"Englewood Police Say Man Dropped Shorts, Slapped Himself

POSTED: 4:53 pm MDT April 28, 2004
UPDATED: 5:41 pm MDT April 28, 2004

Englewood police are looking for a man who exposed himself to two young girls Monday afternoon.

The girls, ages 11 and 12, were walking along a bike path near Jefferson Avenue and South Logan Street when they saw a man walking on the other side of the creek.

As the girls walked past, the man pulled down his shorts to his knees, exposed himself, and began to hit himself on his buttocks with a stick while moaning, Englewood police said.

The girls ran to the Safeway at 200 East Jefferson Avenue to report it.

The man didn't speak to the girls and did not try to follow them. Police searched the area and found nothing.

The man is described as a white man in his 40s, about 5 feet 8 inches tall, with short, curly, gray hair and a thin beard.

If you have any more information, you are asked to call Englewood police at (303) 762-2434. "

...see what I mean?.. some people are a complete waste of skin....

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Mood Music....

....well, here I am... listening to music... something, I am SURE, that Stevie from Caught in the Crossfire would enjoy..... and, I'm in a mood.... firstly, let me just say that I have two veins of mood running through me at the same time.... on the one hand, I feel LIKE THIS.... talking 'bout my baby, and all that jive.. she does, after all, cause the Sun to shine..... and... on the OTHER hand... I feel like this song.... Stevie wrote it for his wife.... and, it is a beauty... but, it reminds me of Christmas Parties... missed opportunities.... and, being alone.... tonight, I've got the house to myself... I plan on having a hearty dinner of Lay's Potato Chips... a bit of Single Malt... and, retiring early.... after all, in the words of Vivian Leigh, tomorrow IS another day... perhaps, a day without split moods.... so, G'night everyone... feel free to sing along.... but, only the first song has lyrics... you'll just have to hum along with song #2... hey, such is life... sometimes you sing... sometimes, people, you hum... the way, the 2nd song is called Lenny..

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Heh, I found it...

...remember that post I deleted this morning?.. no?.. good... well, if you missed it, tough... anyway, I finally remembered where I found that damned meme... right here.. so, go and visit Mr. Zen... he's done everything, man....

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Hand to Hand... this is the spirit, ladies and gentlemen... you may have to register to read the whole article... but, it's worth it... the photo with the bloodstained knife is indeed worth a thousand words... to all of the fighting men and women of our country... and, the coalition... thank you...

Salvadoran soldiers praised for Iraq role

By Denis D. Gray

NAJAF, Iraq — One of his friends was dead, 12 others lay wounded and the four soldiers still left standing were surrounded and out of ammunition. So Salvadoran Cpl. Samuel Toloza said a prayer, whipped out his knife and charged the Iraqi gunmen.

In one of the only known instances of hand-to-hand combat in the Iraq conflict, Cpl. Toloza stabbed several attackers swarming around a comrade. The stunned assailants backed away momentarily, just as a relief column came to the unit's rescue.

"We never considered surrender. I was trained to fight until the end," said the 25-year-old corporal, one of 380 soldiers from El Salvador whose heroism is being cited just as other members of the multinational force in Iraq are facing criticism.

Secretary of State Colin L. Powell said recently that the Central American unit has "gained a fantastic reputation among the coalition" and expressed hope that the Salvadorans will stay beyond their scheduled departure.

Phil Kosnett, who leads the Coalition Provisional Authority office in this holy Shi'ite city, says he owes his life to Salvadorans who repelled a well-executed insurgent attack on his three-car convoy in March. He has nominated six of them for the U.S. Army's Bronze Star medal.

"You hear this snotty phrase 'coalition of the billing' for some of the smaller contingents," said Mr. Kosnett, referring to the apparent eagerness of some nations to charge their Iraq operations to Washington. "The El Sals? No way. These guys are punching way above their weight. They're probably the bravest and most professional troops I've every worked with."

The Salvadorans are eager to stress their role as peacekeepers rather than warriors, perhaps with an eye toward public opinion back home. Masked protesters last week seized the cathedral in the capital, San Salvador, demanding that President-elect Tony Saca pull the troops out of Iraq.

Mr. Saca, who takes office June 1, has said that he will leave the unit in Iraq until August as had been planned, despite the early departure of Spanish troops, under whom the Salvadorans were serving. The other three Central American contingents — from the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua and Honduras — have returned home or are scheduled to do so soon.

"We didn't come here to fire a single shot. Our rifles were just part of our equipment and uniforms. But we were prepared to repel an attack," said Col. Hugo Omar Orellana Calidonio, a 27-year-old who commands the Cuscatlan Battalion.

The troops, El Salvador's first peacekeepers abroad, have conducted a range of humanitarian missions in Najaf. They have provided books, electricity, playground equipment and other supplies to destitute schools and have helped farmers with irrigation works and fertilizer supplies.

"Our country came out of a similar situation as in Iraq 12 years ago, so people in El Salvador can understand what is happening here," said Col. Calidonio, referring to the civil war between the U.S.-backed government and leftist guerrillas that left about 75,000 dead. The military was held responsible for widespread abuses.

"We came here to help and we were helping. Our relationship with the people was excellent. They were happy with what we were doing," Col. Calidonio said.

Then came April 4, when armed followers of Sheik Muqtada al-Sadr, a radical Shi'ite cleric, seized virtual control of the city and staged attacks on two camps — Baker and Golf — near bases on the fringes of Najaf occupied by the Salvadoran and Spanish units.

When Cpl. Toloza and 16 other soldiers arrived that morning at a low-walled compound of the Iraqi Civil Defense Corps, about a mile from their camp, they found that its 350 occupants had melted away. They also found themselves trapped by Sheik al-Sadr's Mahdi Army.

Lt. Col. Francisco Flores, the battalion's operations officer, said the surrounded soldiers held their fire for nearly a half-hour, fearful of inflicting civilian casualties, even as 10 of their number were wounded by rocket-propelled grenades and bullets from assault rifles and machine guns.

After several hours of combat, the besieged unit ran out of ammunition, having come with only 300 rounds for each of their M-16 rifles. Pvt. Natividad Mendez, Cpl. Toloza's friend for three years, lay dead, shot twice probably by a sniper. Two more were wounded as the close-quarters fighting intensified.

"I thought, 'This is the end.' But, at the same time, I asked the Lord to protect and save me," Cpl. Toloza recalled.

The wounded were placed on a truck while Cpl. Toloza and the three other soldiers moved on the ground, trying to make their way back to the base. They were soon confronted with Sheik al-Sadr's fighters, about 10 of whom tried to seize one of the soldiers.

"My immediate reaction was that I had to defend my friend, and the only thing I had in my hands was a knife," Cpl. Toloza said.

As reinforcements arrived to save Cpl. Toloza's unit, the two camps were under attack, with the Salvadorans and a small U.S. contingent of soldiers and civilian security personnel trying to protect the perimeter and retake an adjoining seven-story hospital captured by the insurgents.

The Spaniards didn't fight and only after a long delay agreed to send armored vehicles to help evacuate the wounded. Col. Flores said he cannot question the Spanish decisions that day, but added that the Spaniards "could have helped us sooner."

U.S. troops have replaced the Spaniards. Salvadoran officers, many of whom were trained at military schools in the United States, say they're pleased to be working with the Americans.

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A Sad Day...

... Bonnie Jo Halpin has passed away...

Bonnie Jo Halpin, an original Playboy "bunny" who worked at several of Hugh Hefner's clubs and appeared in the magazine on numerous occasions in the 1960s, has died. She was 65.

...she was the ORIGINAL Bunny... a sad, sad day...

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More Service, People..

.... first of all, I know you bunch of retards don't pay attention when I tell you to read my R.W. Service posts out loud... but, godammit.... DO IT... you will friggin THANK yourselves later.. and, hell, even if you don't thank yourselves... at LEAST you can blame me instead.... so.. what the hell.... it's win, WIN, people.. if you DON'T enjoy it, it's MY fault!.... so, what the hell are you waiting for?.... gather all of the people in your home together, and force them to sit near your computer... at gunpoint, if necessary... ( but not mandatory).... and, tell them you are going to read them a story.... then, sit down.. making sure to keep the gun pointed in a safe direction... and read this... trust me.. if the cops don't show up, the whole family will have a grand time....

The Cremation of Sam Magee... by Robert Service...

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that he'd "sooner live in hell".

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursed cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead -- it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say:
"You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows -- O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May".
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared -- such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; . . . then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm --
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

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A Request Answered...

... ever listen to Tom T. Hall?.... no?... well, he ain't for everyone, so I can't blame you... but, the other day, I heard him on the radio... he was singing "Watermelon Wine"... man, I tell you... it has been YEARS since I'd heard that... it reminded me of going fishing with my Dad... stealing Grandpa's cigarettes.... the good ole days... so, sitting here... all misty-eyed, I remembered good ole Geoffrey... a man who once boasted of having 20GB of songs on his computer's drive... so, being a personable fellow, I dropped him a line....

"Geoffrey", says I in my email, "I'd sure love to hear the 1975 Classic Tom T. Hall song 'Faster Horses' on Dog Snot Radio... any chance that you have it in your collection?"...

..later that night, I had my reply... a cryptic.. "the song's up... enjoy.."

...well, it is indeed up, fellow music fans... so, head on over to Dog Snot Radio... click on Tom T. Hall... you won't be disappointed.... I wish each of us had a chance to meet a philosopher like the one in the song... after all, he's right... he is...

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Joke of the Day...

... fresh from the e-mail.... the best Tennessee joke I've heard....

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-81. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

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... I can actually say that this impressed me... I mean, apart from the occasional rugburn, I have never been injured during the act... but, a broken rib?.. damn... I think there is something fishy with this story... I don't think we have all the facts...

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Stolen from the Minnesota Diva herself.....

Just copy the list, and put into bold the books you've read. This shouldn't take long:

Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Bront, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Bront, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage

Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment

Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms

Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel García - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm

Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac

Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet

Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels

Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie

Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son

...there... that wasn't too hard now, was it?..

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by Eric on May 02, 2004 | Comments(0) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
» The Brier Patch links with: Books

Sunday Insult...

... speaking of the Rolling Stones... word up, people, I have an announcement.. I have discovered the source of Mick Jagger’s dance routine...

... I am… understandably.. slightly hesitant to share… but, I cannot keep this secret from you… after all, how many times have you looked on in horror as Mick funkified a stage.. and wondered what spastic retard he hired to teach him that crap?..

... well, this very morning, all was made clear… as is the way of a great epiphany, you never see it coming until it’s knocking at your door…. so, what is the source?…well, I cannot give you all of the gory details, but it is sufficient to say that at some point.. very early in his career… Mick Jagger cooked bacon while nude… it should be known forthwith and hereafter, that I cannot dance… being straight.. and white… I am accursed that way.. but, I have been informed, much to my dismay, that I can do a mean Mick impersonation while preparing brunch on a rainy Sunday…

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… I have a painted glass USMC emblem hanging from the window of the blogroom… the window faces out towards the woods behind the Straight White House… no one can see the little EGA, so, I really don’t know why I hung it… still, it gives me pleasure to look up occasionally and see it… however, just five minutes ago, it provided me with an unexpected bit of slapstick humor…

…I was just sitting here drinking the morning’s coffee… enjoying my membership in the Congress of Nekkid Bloggers… and reading some blogs… when I heard a faint tapping on the window… I looked up to find an emerald colored hummingbird trying to get to the red and gold USMC emblem… the poor thing seemed a bit confused… he must have thought himself one lucky bird to have such a large red and gold feast all for his own pleasure….heh.. that bird tried from every angle imaginable to suck the nectar out of it… in desperation, he actually threw himself against the glass a few times… and, hummingbirds aren’t exactly built like linebackers… so, the glass withstood each onslaught… but, one thing can be said for hummingbirds… they are tenacious little bastards.. he wanted his nectar, dammit, and he was gonna GET it…. still, he failed in the end… and, even if he HAD breached the defenses… there was no nectar to be had… I suppose a life-lesson can be found in this, children… but, I’m confused as to which one…

… perhaps it is simply, “be careful of what you wish for”…. or, “drive, and motivation are crucial, but you must understand your goals”… hmmm… nahh.. what about, “what you want might not always be good for you”… “the golden ring you reach for is not as shiny as you thought”…. or, perhaps it is something deeper.. and the Stones were right… you can’t always get what you want… sometimes, you just get what you need…

…in any case, caveat emptor, gentle people… as is with this blog… hummingbirds and readers are shipmates here…

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Places of Interest....

... Thursday night... after the long drive to Nashville... we didn't venture too far from the Hotel.... fearful of getting too far from our beds, we chose instead to dunk ourselves in the local libations of the cozy Mariott bar... it was quite pleasant... friendly... quiet.... and, we talked till nearly Midnight....

...when Friday morning dawned, the Wife set off to do her business... this, of course, left me alone to do an early morning recon for the upcoming night's festivities... so, I walked around scoping things out.... after checking out Nashville's librarians, I wandered down to 2nd Avenue.... then, up Broadway towards the Ryman Auditorium... and, I came up with a plan... since I had spent 3 hours walking around downtown, I went back to the room to draw a strategic drinking map of the area...

...we began the afternoon by visiting Tootsie's Orchid Bar.... Carley was our bartender, by the way.. and, yes... she IS the "sweetest woman in Nashville"..... anyway, most of the patrons, as it turned out, were former Jarheads... and, I actually had a good chat with a regular named Mike... he'd lost his right arm in Vietnam, but it didn't seem to slow down his beer opening (or drinking) ability one little bit... and, we all had a good time...

...a few drinks later, we arrived at The Stage on Broadway.... there, we found Clay Canfield playing cowboy music... we ended up staying there longer than I had planned... he was awesome.. his ability on the guitar was incredible... I was hooked... so, I went up when he paused his set, and bought a CD... he signed it for me.... people, I just have to tell you... music played live is so different than just hearing it on a CD... and Nashville, my friends, is indeed Music City.... if you want to sample some of his stuff, go over here... I highly recommend it...., three sheets to the wind, we find ourselves at the banks of the Cumberland River.. and, dinner is enjoyed at the Big River Brew House.... afterwards, we stagger past three policemen on horseback... up 2nd Avenue... towards Mulligans... and, a few more pubs that we can't exactly remember the names of... in short, good food... good music.. and, probably a wee bit too much good booze... still, in spite of our over-indulgence, a wonderful night was had by all.... so, if you are ever in need of a recon for drinking venues in any given town, I'm your man... and, I'm cheap... hire me...

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Blogroll Update...

...further to my librarian blog, I am adding Maura from Besmirched to my list of links..... she's a biologist... not a librarian.. but, that's close enough for me... as far as Biologists are concerned, she's got it goin' on.... plus, she's a dog lover, enjoys Lynyrd Skynyrd, and thinks Michael Jackson is crazy.. heh, she's got my vote....

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